You know that thing when...

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Shell83, Sep 26, 2013.

  1. Shell83

    Shell83 Member

    Sep 26, 2013
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    You know that thing when you're driving home from watching Behind The Candelabra with your parents and your dad comes out with a comment that shows just how much of a homophobic bigot he really is?!

    A comment like "Well I'll never look at Michael Douglas in the same way, I mean it was a good film and everything but they were really actually kissing... that's disgusting. I mean, he's not even queer. Just disgusting".
    Meanwhile, unfortunately said father is unaware of the fact that his 30 year old daughter has been struggling for almost six years for a way to come out to anyone, let alone her own parents, hoping that a film like this might pave the way for a conversation to start...?

    Well, that.
  2. Eva Mac

    Eva Mac Well-Known Member

    Jul 3, 2013
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    Yes, I know that thing. It's horrible. Thankfully my parents weren't really homophobic, but they did say completely insensitive ignorant things before they knew. As did friends and other family members. I had some people say to me "I wouldn't have said that if I'd known you were gay". They meant well, but you feel like saying, well why were you saying it in the first place!

    Sometimes when people don't know any gay people, they don't think of us as real people, with real feelings. Sadly, they do say things that they mightn't if they knew. I don't know your parents, but they could rise to the occasion, if they knew the truth about you, it could give them food for thought. I know it's really hurtful, but all I'm saying is they don't know they're hurting you, and probably have just never had their views challenged.

    Maybe you could try discussing a very positive gay role model, pointing out what a good person they are. You could say something like "What if you knew someone who was gay, who was a really good person, would you still hate them?" to gauge the depth of their bigotry. Sometimes people can surprise you. Keep your chin up though, these things can take time.
  3. key

    key Member

    Sep 10, 2013
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    I know exactly what you're talking about. I had several similar conversations with my mom before I finally told her. It took me around 9 years to finally tell her and by that point I took the "rip the Band-Aid off" approach. I was 27, I had just started seeing my now ex-gf and one night I just told her that she wasn't just my friend she was my gf. She had a little freak out, but after a few weeks she came around. That was 6 years ago and I can't tell you how much better I felt after I told her.

    Good luck with finding a way to talk to your parents.

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