Why do straight girls have to flirt so much

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by actiondrum, Jul 21, 2013.

  1. actiondrum

    actiondrum Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've had a friend that i met when i was in high school and we live in different states but we saw each other at camp every summer and even visited a few times through the college years. She will be in the area soon and i am so excited to get to see her. she is my best friend even though we're not together in person that often. We have been texting more lately because were both getting excited. I am not out to any friends or family and maybe some might not be surprised but i believe she has no idea. I have dated men before but i have been single for a little over a year. She recently said we're soulmates and that we should move to another state and live together. she often says she loves me, calls me baby or girl. when were together she hugs me a lot. I think she is straight, she dates men but seems to jump from guy to guy but has had a serious relationship before which ended and i need to find out more about this. I feel like if i ever came out our relationship would be ruined because shes so flirtatious and friendly and she'd probably run away or it would just be awkward, unless she actually does like me, haaa. But i know she has some gay friends but they're always guys. I just don't know what to do, i feel like everyone will know at some point in my life but i can't lose her. She's probably going to ask me a lot about my last bf and dates i've been on and i feel like sooner or later she'll put it together that i don't wanna be with a man. I am not totally in love with her or anything but she makes it hard not to be! gaaah
     
    #1
  2. Jenn

    Jenn Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2013
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    it does sound like she's sending you signals... the mature thing would be to drop hints that you yourself are gay and just see how she reacts to it.... but doing the mature thing, is also the scary thing.
     
    #2
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,148
    Likes Received:
    963
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    If the subject of dating comes up, I would ask her if she would ever consider dating a woman. If she asks you why, you can decide if you want to tell her the truth, which is the fact that you would be the first one to ask her out if she said yes. Or you simply let her know that you are thinking about dating women, and not say anything about wanting her immediately, because you don't know yet. Yes, you can scare her off, but a truly good and sincere friendship should survive a disclosure about your orientation. Perhaps it is time to think about letting people love the whole you.
     
    #3
  4. actiondrum

    actiondrum Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    thanks for the advice, I'll wait until we're in person because i want to see her reaction face to face. I'll have to find a way to bring it up or ill never live it down because i probably wont see her for awhile and the what ifs will rattle in my brain for months. i always told myself i would wait to come out once i met someone, and not just because this would force it but because i want to know for sure and i don't want people saying 'well you're confused.' i can then be like hey ive got a gf, im not confused. plus I've never dated or been with a girl aside from a friend kissing me in kindergarten. i would like to start to come out to my close friends or my sisters or people i can trust and maybe then it'll start to come together. I need to be braver.
     
    #4
  5. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2013
    Messages:
    938
    Likes Received:
    188
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    crickey!

    Um...I'm not sure what she does is flirting in her mind, or at least it is very possible that it isn't. Straight girls often relate to each other like that and can become very close and affectionate, to the point where it's almost like a pseudo-relationship. The announcement of your gayness may initially cause her to revisit all your interactions in her mind and cause her to have a bit of a fit and behave oddly initially. And sure, some friendships never recover. On the other side of the coin, she may embrace it and be delighted and plague you walking down the street with 'So what's gaydar?' 'Is she gay? Is she? How about that one? Do you fancy her? C'mon, lets say hello...I'll be your wingman' as she pulls you cringing behind her. The truth is, it's very hard to know how she will react.

    But...if I was in your shoes:
    I would tell her, the sooner the better. Again, in your shoes, I would tell her online via email or however you guys communicate. Why? Cause it will give her time to get her head around it, without you scrutinising her reaction and potentially getting hurt if her first reaction isn't all you hoped it would be. It's a lot of pressure for both of you to do it face to face and increases the chance of awkwarness.

    Above all else, be cool. At least initially. Be casual about it and she will take her lead from you. You can reveal the horror of your teenage gay angst later once you are both on more familiar, comfortable terms about the whole thing. And if you can't be casual, be open so that she knows you are happy to talk it out with her and have her ask questions 'n what not.

    Good luck
     
    #5
  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    ^^^ this. Moses has it.
     
    #6
  7. actiondrum

    actiondrum Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    we were recently chatting and she said that she would go out to a gay bar that night to dance if she were feeling better. and then she say, ya know cuz its really just fun to dance and not care and be without pressure. and i asked her if a girl ever hit on her there and she said yes and she turned her down by calling her beautiful but she wasnt into that. so i guess i have my answer but as for coming out to her i have not done that. i have never come out to anyone before and i feel like she's just too risky to be my first, i need to think of someone who wont care at all to be a confidence builder lol
     
    #7
  8. halfconfused

    halfconfused Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2013
    Messages:
    85
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    awww, i do hope your friend likes you!

    I haven't been, but is it common to find straight girls at gay bars? Dancing at gay bars? Maybe you should just go dance with her some time! AND meet her gay guy friends! Are her friends in the same town as you? If so, be friends with them, and they will let you know whether your friend is straight or not / interested or not. If your friend is straight/not interested, then your new gay friends can help you find someone! :)

    Thing is, if she is so gay-friendly, I think it'd be fine if you tell her that you aren't so straight.

    I do understand the confidence thing though... I was on a roll telling two friends of mine, and when I got to my third friend who didn't take it so well... it took me another year before I told anyone else. Gotta build up momentum and keep on rolling!
     
    #8
  9. Eva Mac

    Eva Mac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    4,680
    Likes Received:
    8
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    Straight girls enjoy the intimacy without the pressure of it possibly leading to more. A straight girl can even be very emotionally attracted to you, you could almost call it a platonic crush, so they enjoy cuddling, stroking hair, holding hands, maybe even kissing. Nice for them, and nice for us, at first anyhow, until we develop a serious crush. That's when the great divide happens, we were just an intimacy fill in till the next serious bf, they don't usually want to take it to the next level, and we're left with all these feelings that can't go anywhere. That's why they flirt so much, coz it's a nice and secure outlet for them.

    Doesn't mean they don't care about you or love you as a friend though, just remember it probably doesn't have quite the same meaning to them.
     
    #9
  10. actiondrum

    actiondrum Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    I think that is what it is for her, she goes there to dance and feel free. Maybe we could go dance at a gay bar while she visits.

    We live way to far away from each other for me to try to make friends with her gay friends and try to meet someone that way.

    I am so excited just to get to see her! It's been a little over a year and a half since the last time and we only got to eat lunch.
     
    #10
  11. Eva Mac

    Eva Mac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2013
    Messages:
    4,680
    Likes Received:
    8
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    Enjoy seeing her, but just be careful with your heart ;)
     
    #11
  12. actiondrum

    actiondrum Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Re: Why do straight girls have to flirt so mu...

    Okay so here is an update,

    After reading these posts I thought about texting her this but i really freaking chickened out... but i did make a plan to tell her and i brought along a certain book and some other old treasures of ours and hidden in there was my secret and I was going to tell her.

    Here is about our time together. She brought someone along with her who was supposed to be visiting her bf but he kept blowing her off so it was the three of us and I never got a chance to be alone with her. And I had told her previously that we needed to talk about something hoping she could bring it up and it would force me then and i also had a brought my book for up plan if we were ever alone I could tell her. Neither worked out cuz we were never alone but I did tell her all the time that i admire our 'friendship' a lot and made it clear we're great friends. I brought up that fact that I wouldn't mind dancing in the gay part of town if she wanted to. We never got a chance to be alone but I mentioned gay things on more than one occasion. i mentioned i had a good gaydar and she looked at me and said me too very seriously. I freaked out a little inside and her friend was there and i shoulda just said it but that was early in the weekend and i thought id get a chance.


    Anyway do you think she figured it out is basically what i am asking ???

    I am a feminine girl for the most part when it comes to clothing at least and I do wear make up. I dont know how good her gaydar is lol. If she did figure it out though she is okay with being friends still she mentioned she would love to have me as a roommate.

    Now she's gone though and I am not certain that she figured it out. I want to come out in person. would writing be okay?

    I feel like she's the safest first coming out for me since she lives far away and I can try it without worrying about everyone at home finding out. It's just to help get the ball rolling on this cuz it cant be like this forever.
     
    #12

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice