Why am I so attracted to older women?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Maisy, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. Maisy

    Maisy New Member

    Jan 10, 2016
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    Hello :)

    Well I’m struggling to work out my own mind right now. Time & time again I find myself being so attracted to women 20 years older than me. It’s once I get to know them, I just find them so much more interesting and sexually alot more desirable!!!
    I’m no spring chicken myself, I’m 32 now.
    I used to think it must be a phase but I’ve felt like this since primary school...I remember having a crush on my school teacher.
    The problem is I know the chances are a relationship with someone much older than my years won’t work & I find older women don’t tend to be attracted to women younger than them?
    Anyone else have this issue?
    Frances007 likes this.
  2. EvedeGeneve

    EvedeGeneve Member

    Feb 11, 2016
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    Are you me? Because that's a pretty accurate description of my preferences and I am 32 too :)
    For a long time I was ashamed to admit that I was almost exclusively attracted to older women and also more masculine presenting women. I engaged myself into amateur Freudian self-analysis ( "Do I have a queer version of Electra complex? Do I have mommy issues?), I evoked this issue during therapy, I felt like i was a freak, that no one could ever understand me or that my feelings would be dismissed and misinterpreted. On top of being gay and living in a homophobic country it was a lot of shame and self-doubt to carry around.
    What I think of it now is that as long as your preferences are legal (you are attracted to adults who are also attracted to you), it is ultimately not so healthy to question them permanently through a prism of societal norms. The society has its stereotypical standards of what should be considered attractive (youth, certain body types, certain characteristics). Not being attracted to people you are supposed to be attracted to in a patriarchal heteronormative deeply discriminatory society which value superficial images people project above everything else is ok and you are not a freak and it is not so unusual and even more so for queer people to be in a relationship with a big age gap. If a relationship doesn't work there could be a lot of reasons for that and IMO age is not a decisive factor.
    Frances007 and greylin like this.
  3. hobbes10

    hobbes10 New Member

    Mar 8, 2018
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    Nothing wrong with being attracted to older ladies. I dated a lot of younger women but fell in love with an older one. I think it is refreshing to know that older women are done with drama, they know want they want and they know how to get it.
  4. alien30

    alien30 Member

    Jul 7, 2017
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    Noting wrong, actually, it is a bit natural...
  5. Shannon1981

    Shannon1981 Well-Known Member

    Aug 2, 2013
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    I think it might depend on where each person is in their lives. I just broke up with a woman who was 20. Granted, for me, it was just a "sowing my wild oats" situation - I'm 37. But for her, it was all happily ever after and shit.

    Now, I was upfront when she first hit on me. I told her, straight up, that I am polyamorous, do not do monogamy at all, that being poly is just as much an orientation for me as being gay is. For whatever reason, she kind of tried to string this whole "just the two of us" scenario along for like, forever. Obviously, it didn't work out. Granted, it turned out that she was a selfish brat who started a petty fight two hours before I buried my beloved Grandma, so she just turned out to be an awful person anyway. But, my point is - maturity and experience matter. I'd say, if you can, stay within the ten year age limit at your age. 42 - pushing it but okay if she's okay with it. 52? You're at two COMPLETELY different life stages. Maturity and experience matter, and even if you just date someone casually who is way older, you'll get caught up in the natural differences that will exist generationally, and it will not end well.

    That being said, you are attracted to what you're attracted to, and that's that, and there's no law against it. Good luck!
    greylin likes this.

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