What is her deal??

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by APB1-11, Oct 5, 2013.

  1. APB1-11

    APB1-11 Member

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    I promised myself a while back if I again found myself in a 'does she like?' situation worthy of an AEforum post I would turn and run a mile from the head-bending mess! Yet here I am...again...damn it. I'll try keep it short, but tbh I'm not very good at that!

    So basically, a few weeks ago a really good guy friend of mine was in town on a surprise one night visit and called me that night to go to catch a gig with him. It was such an awesome surprise that I cancelled my plans for that night and went to meet him. When I met up with him he mentioned he was staying with this girl who he knew from when he was travelling - let's call her Eve. I didn't think much of it, we had a drink and waited for her to arrive before going into the show. Then this girl walks into the bar and I recognise her from somewhere so I'm like 'Is that Eve?' and my guy friend is like 'yeah how did you know??'. A bit later we realise I must have recognised her from his travelling videos I was editing on my laptop for him years and years ago! Anyway, she comes over to join us and says hi and shakes my hand. Being the kind of friendly/flirty person I am I'm like - 'I don't really do handshakes - I do hugs and kisses' and give her a friendly hug. She then sits down next to me and we start chatting and I turn round and face her properly for the first time and something about the look in her eyes or the way she glanced at my lips a few times pinged my gaydar a bit...BUT she couldn't have looked any more straight! I mean like sooo straight looking - I assumed my gaydar was malfunctioning! Aside from a very subtle vibe the only thing even remotely gaydar-ping-worthy was her nails and THAT'S IT.
    Then we get up to go into the show, we're queuing to go in and my guy friend walks off for a minute, she then turns to me and says something (I can't remember what) while touching my arm in a way that...again pings my gaydar - and we had literally met 10mins ago...In the show we're watching the band for a bit then she turns and whispers something in my ear about the band (again can't remember what) and I turned my head in a bit to hear and suddenly it seems really intimate...and natural - like we had a really natural kind of subtle chemistry. And I'm surprised as well because she's really good friends with my guy friend and I noticed when she was talking to me she kind of leaned in and talking to him she didn't really...
    Anyway, after the show we decide to have some drinks in the outside area and sit at one of those kind of hexagonal tables so there was plenty of room for just the three of us at the table but only one spot under the electric heater - it was kind of cold out. So I pick one (of 2) seats under the heater and she's like - 'I wanted that seat!' and i'm like 'I know right! It's clearly the best but you snooze you lose!' in a jokey way. Then she's like 'I'm going to sit there anyway!' Now, the seats are kind of designed for two but two people comfortably sitting on them means you sit really close to each other - like our legs were kinda pressed together. So we're sitting really close, my guy friend is on the other side of the table and in a weird way, again, it felt really natural to be so close to her. I usually only get that feeling with really really old friends or people I'm dating...Anyway, we're all chatting, she mentions her parents live on a farm and we all decide we should take a trip there and she's really up for taking us - which i thought was really sweet but also really surprising because we had just met... And I should mention that that night, my guy friend and I were drinking cocktails and stuff all evening and she didn't have a drop to drink. So it's not like I was wasted and flirting with her or we were both wasted and flirting with each other - I was a bit buzzed and rationally assuming she was straight yet something about her kept pinging my gaydar - it was weird. Especially because at one point we were all talking about gigs we like to go to and she was like 'I really miss going to electronic music gigs, I only ever used to go with my ex-boyfriend' I was like, 'Well I go to them all the time, I'll invite you along sometime' which she was up for.
    A few days later I text my guy friend just saying how much fun it was to see him after so many years and how I thought Eve was really cool too - didn't ask for her number or anything. Then he's like 'Yeah I'll send you her number and send her yours so you guys can be friends since you live in the same town'. She's pretty cool so I figured I would text her so we could be friends - so I text her saying my guy friend gave me her number so I thought I'd give her mine and she should 'save it, 'cause we're going to go to a gig sometime'. She replies, 'yes please! Looking forward to it'
    Cut to a week or so later and an awesome gig comes up so I invite her and offer to buy her a ticket - at this point we've been texting back and forth a little bit about music and stuff. The week of the gig, it suddenly dawns on me that maybe what I've actually done is just set up a date with a straight girl who I'm not sure realises (yet) that I'm bi which could lead to all sorts of awkwardness so I invite another friend to the gig quick to act as a buffer. BUT in the week leading up to the gig we keep texting each other about stuff and she keeps saying how she's 'looking forward to it 'and how she 'can't wait' and how she's 'so excited' etc - and at this point she thinks it's just the two of us going...In my experience, a straight girl just wouldn't express that much interest/excitement...
    Cut to gig night, I meet up with friend 3 and then call Eve to meet us at the venue. We meet outside and I try to gauge her reaction to the fact it's not just me. There was a look in her eye but I can't put my finger on what it was...Anyway we go inside and I secretly decide I'm just going to flirt with her a bit to try and work out what her deal is but with mixed results. We share drinks, I'm a bit touchy feely etc, there's that strange sense of natural closeness, we chat and she reminds me about some of things we talked about the first time we met (the fact she remembers it all catches me by surprise). After the gig we all go for a drink at another bar, we're chatting, I'm still kind of flirting, trying to pay close attention to her body language and stuff but again it's in the eyes - something about the eye contact when we're talking pings my gaydar...I also casually talk about gay stuff just to tip her off that I'm bi - talk about my gay girl friends, the fact I motor boated a girl's boobs at a party the weekend before etc....
    At the end of the night she gives me a hug and holds on *slightly* longer than the average friendly hug...
    Next day I text her and I'm like, 'Last night was fun, we should do it again sometime' and she's like 'yeah, super fun! we should do it again soooon' and then suggests a couple of gigs we should go to. Now we're planning on going to another gig together in about a week.
    I should also mention this whole gig going thing was predicated on going to electronic music gigs but so far she agreed to go to gigs that are a million miles from electronic music...maybe she's just a live music lover though.

    SO, in light of all that my problem is I really can't clearly read this girl! I could easily see myself dating her -she's really cool - but I don't want to go down that horrible road of having a crush on a straight friend, sooo not interested in that! But our connection is so...it kind of sits in this sort of grey area that just feels so warm and natural. And after our last hang out she must know I'm at least bi - in fact to be fair really I'm sure anyone with any kind of gaydar must be able to guess that about me from the way I dress and just am...
    So what would you do next in my shoes?? Should I make our next outing a date and obviously so - like dinner as well as the gig? Make sure it's obvious it's just about the two of us?
    But then, even though I would be really interested in dating this girl, I don't really wanna jeopardise the chances of us becoming good friends...
    Aarghh I hate this kind of thing! She just snuck up on me! Why couldn't I have just met her in a lesbian bar...dammit!

    Sorry about the essay...I told you I'm terrible at keeping it short! Thanks in advance for your opinions though :)
     
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  2. Evili

    Evili Member

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    I pretty much suck at giving advice almost as bad as Chandler Bing, but I think in this situation, you will have to be the ballsy one asking her out in simple words. Like literally going, 'Let's grab dinner with the gig next time, just you and me, like a DATE.' Because even though we don't know her 'status' yet, it must be more confusing for her if she is in fact into you. Also worth remembering is the fact that it was you who brought another friend to the gig, whereas she didn't even ask if it were going to be just you two. So either she assumed you guys were going on a date, which makes me think she is really smart and cool, or she is oblivious to this whole thing and thinks it is just two straight girls having a girls night out of sorts. Either way, this kind of thing has no other time saving solution than coming clear straight away. Take a deep breath or a shot of vodka (whatever works for you) and tell her you dig her and would like to date, but would be open to just being friends if she's not interested.

    Sorry about this DUH response, but I can't help it. Cheers! Keep updating. :)
     
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  3. Squish

    Squish Well-Known Member

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    I have the worst gaydar on the planet. But I'd definitely be going for some one on one time with this girl.
    Bring it up that you're into men and women somehow, and see how she reacts. She may reciprocate the topic, she may not. I've told people who have seemed completely uninterested...and then text back hours after meeting up with questions.
    Point is, I'd be trying to spark her interest and show her that you're open to her approaching you, if she so chooses.
     
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  4. APB1-11

    APB1-11 Member

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    Thanks for the input guys!
    @Evili You make a good point - maybe it was confusing for her that I brought a friend (even though I did it to avoid making her uncomfortable, doh!). And when I think about it, she seems too smart and cool to be completely oblivious...but then people can always surprise you with how oblivious they are to some things yet not to others...
    @Squish I always assume that people must suspect I'm at least bi - if I met me my gaydar would be going off all over the place! But maybe I need to clearly express it in this case.

    As it turns out, the show we were supposed to go to has been postponed for a month (dammit!). This is probably my chance to ask her out properly or at the very least get some one on one time since we were supposed to meet up anyway. A friend of mine is having a birthday party at a bar the night the gig was supposed to happen - dinner and that could be a plan...
    But then it could be intimidating to invite her somewhere to meet loads of my friends all at once - particularly as my friends will then assume that we're together!
    What do you guys think?
     
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  5. Evili

    Evili Member

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    APB1-11 : I know, right! There was this one time when I asked a really smart girl out, like someone who looked like she might have a lot of dating experience, and she giggled in my face and patted me on the back and said I was really funny to ask out a girl. So, yeah. People are full of surprises. :p

    Anyway, a birthday party seems nice. If she's a friendly, outgoing kind of girl which I believe she is because she jelled in with you really well when your guy friend introduced you two, then she might not find such a situation intimidating. However, you will have to make it certain to her that she would be going with you as your date otherwise it might get awkward for her since you said people will assume you are together.

    Ask her to go with you, if she says no provide her with an alternative (like we could go grab a dinner alone sometime!), if she says yes, tell her it'll be like Julia Roberts going to Hugh Grant's sister's party in Notting Hill, and apologize in advance for the expected behaviour of your friends. Put her at ease. If you are confident about her meeting your friends, she'll be too.

    Glad to be of any help. Good luck! :)
     
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  6. APB1-11

    APB1-11 Member

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    **UPDATE**
    So I invited her to the birthday party thing and she was well up for it - she's coming. I love the way she's so easy going.
    ALSO though, I randomly scored 2 tickets to a really awesome show earlier in the week (before the party) and I asked her if she wanted to come with me and she said yes - her response was actually super sweet. SCORE, that's our definite 1 on 1 alone time...! Watch this space (again)!
     
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  7. loveforallmyhomies

    loveforallmyhomies Active Member

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    I'm so excited for you! I hope all goes well. :D
     
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  8. ella.bosom

    ella.bosom Member

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