what is going on ? opinions/advice appreciated

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Vonvon87, Jun 29, 2016.

  1. Vonvon87

    Vonvon87 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2016
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    32
    H was my boss for 10months thought she was cute really liked her, she is straight and in a 6 year relationship and at the time of her being my boss I was in a relationship we got on really well but that’s all it was a decent working relationship. Side note most people think H is gay when they meet her.

    In jan she was no longer my boss moved stores did not really speak for a bit till april. Started to texting and it’s been no stop ever since , even when she went on holiday with her bf and his family. Started out as one or 2 texts a day up until recently where it was from on and off from 5am till 10 pm. Started out as just work talk then more on how we are feeling so building up a friendship an intense friendship where we texted everyday. But H wanted no-one work wise to know we were texting.

    She told me about her relationship and how it was on the rocks even opened up and told me the haven’t had sex in over 2 years. Constantly asks me to open up about my feeling for people ( she knows I really like her) tells me I can trust her.

    We start opening up about sex and other things like family , she tells me she has a wild side but then says I’ll never know about it. Will text me “your quite today” if I haven’t text her at all. I opened up a lot at the weekend.

    She started talking to another girl we work with who is gay , has told me how they messaged all day, don’t know if she is trying to wind me up as she has been saying thing about the girl for a bit since she found out the girl liked her, things like “I’ll go talk to L if you don’t want to talk to me “”L would notice my hair” . She got a bit funny when I said I was chatting to another manager who is a gay girl. We were talking about pride but then we both started having a chat bout football and our exs as we have both become single this year. H knows this person isn’t my type.

    Bringing us to yestersay we hardly spoke and the first text I get after a while is “ your quite have you replaced me with K (other manager)”. We chat a little then she says I confuse her with the things I say. I make a joke later and she tells me I don’t know the real her.

    H has got my head in a mess, we bicker , laugh and flirt (harmlessly) via text. It’s been non stop for 3 months and suddenly I let me guard down, she started messaging this other girl and our texts seem strained.

    Nothing will happen as she is straight and taken. But it seems like it’s a constant game she will flirt to point then retract it all and make out it’s me.

    I know she is probably just seeking attention as her relationship isn’t great but why all the games?

    Sorry if this Is long I’ve been holding it in my brain for so long. Just needed to get it off my chest.

    Vx
     
    #1
  2. wonderlust

    wonderlust Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2014
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    64
    Been in a similar situation, actually I was friend zoned and being there really messes with your head. So I feel for you.

    Maybe H is bicurious or heteroflexible. For me, her claiming to be straight is the last thing I'd worry about tbh. It's a bit sad that she's somewhat stringing you along, maybe she's figuring things out or simply, you are a breath of fresh air for whatever she's going through in her current relationship.

    I know this is easier said than done and in no means do I feign understanding what's going on with you two but if it was me--- I'd prolly muster up the courage to ask her point blank. Because while you're pining for her to eventually change the status quo and just hanging around... you might be missing out on actual happiness worth pursuing elsewhere.

    Imo, the games can only go as far as you're willing to play along.

    Chin up :)
     
    #2
    greylin likes this.
  3. Vonvon87

    Vonvon87 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2016
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    32
    thank you! yeah I think she is probs just getting the attention from me shes doesn't get from her fella. I was trying not like her so much but the heart does what it wants. I wont do anything with her as she is not single that's a big no I already feel bad enough at how much we text. and we work for the same company but i needed to get it out of my head.
    i'd rather be friends without the games.
    vx
     
    #3
  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    H sounds like a jerk.

    She is in a relationship. She should either a) focus on fixing her relationship or b) break up with the guy and move on. She isn't exactly cheating, but she isn't putting her best effort into her relationship, either. Nor is she treating her bf with honesty and respect.

    Playing you off this other girl L is just manipulative and lame. If she pulls that kind of stuff when you are just texting/ flirting, what would it be like if you actually hooked up with or dated her? It'd be more of the same- her threatening to leave you for others if you didn't give her exactly what she wanted.

    What kind of way is that to treat people?

    She is a manipulative piece of work. Stay away from her. She will use you, suck you dry and spit you out. Run do not walk away from this one.
     
    #4
    greylin and wonderlust like this.
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    1,504
    Likes Received:
    618
    You have a 21st century pen pal. In other words you have a friend that you text, she flirts and you flirt back. Flirting via text is extremely safe and at the end of the day it's just a game that goes round and round and no one gets hurt. Except, you will because you have feelings for her. She is in a crappy relationship and enjoys getting attention, sometimes it's you and when you're busy it's someone else. You then take your attention somewhere else (K) and she gets shitty with you. This must be emotionally draining for you. Keep yourself from being manipulated. Do what feels good for you and steer clear when she's playing you off the other girl.
     
    #5
    greylin likes this.
  6. Vonvon87

    Vonvon87 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2016
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    32
    Thanks for you comments. I think it is more the crappy relationship is leading her to grab whatever attention she can. I think I allowed myself to get sucked in as I was getting some attention too.

    I am very cautious and making sure I put myself first. Thanks again for your help :)

    Vx
     
    #6
    greylin likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice