What do i do....?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by PyrvmidChvse, Jul 24, 2013.

  1. PyrvmidChvse

    PyrvmidChvse Member

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    I'm an openly gay teen and i think it's very hard to find a girlfriend. I know I have everything else to worry about like school but school is a breeze for me and obviously out at the moment. All my friends have relationships so i'm like the third wheel and they barely speak to me so i pretty much a loner and that's not the reason i want a relationship. I have a lot of love that i could share with someone if the chance was given to me but it's so difficult to find anyone especially where i live. There aren't any lesbians that i know of and i don't really go for bisexual girls because most of them will either leave you for a guy or are just experimenting and trying to find out what their sexuality really is and i wouldn't stoop that low to be someone's lab rat/test subject. Anyways since i couldn't find anyone nearby i tried using the internet which i know is a bad idea but i wanted to see what it had to offer which is absolutely nothing and every time i found someone interesting it turned out bad because i'm bad at talking to people via internet,text, etc. and no one really gives me the time of day. EVER. I even tried waiting but if i keep sitting around waiting like i have been then i'll always be alone. i understand i have many many years to go but i'm not getting any younger and I've been alone for quite some time and since I've been out of the closet i haven't had my first gf yet or even my first kiss and i think it's kind of pathetic for a 15 yr old. Can someone help me because i'm drained of any ideas :cry:
     
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  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    three things

    1) If you want new ideas about how to deal with your singledom, I have two:
    - Join a queer youth club. That's where teenage LGBTQ folks get their dating on; has the advantage that there will be lots of sex-positive safe relationship information posted in the bathroom. (Read it!)
    - Stop waiting. The point of your life is not to have a partner, and where you are focusing on finding a relationship, you could be learning to rewire a house, cook a souffle, or any damn thing you want! Relationships do not complete our happiness, they complement what's already there; what other ways of being an awesome human being can you spend your time on?

    2) You aren't pathetic. God, I wish we could kill this "I'm ____ years old and have never _______, I'm so pathetic!" I had my first kiss at 16, and found myself pretty average of most of my friends. I got to college, and there were women (gay and straight!) who had yet to kiss anyone. Some of them were cool with that, and some of them weren't; the ones who felt pressure were more likely to make some dumb decisions they later regretted, in order to "catch up." Things happen when they happen, and it doesn't serve you or the larger conversation to decide that you're an old maid at 15.

    Life is long. You have lived perhaps 3% of your post-adolescent life, and I promise, you don't come with an expiration date.

    3) With respect, please don't do this:
    i don't really go for bisexual girls because most of them will either leave you for a guy or are just experimenting and trying to find out what their sexuality really is and i wouldn't stoop that low to be someone's lab rat/test subject

    I am a non-fluid, bisexual, queer woman. I came out as bisexual at 13. I dated men and women in high school and college, and I am currently engaged to a woman who identifies as lesbian; we have been together for four years, sans scandal or drama. So it it with all my queer cred that I say: you hit on two powerful, biphobic tropes in that one sentence, and while there are plenty of folks who believe it, it doesn't really stand up to scrutiny. Some bisexual women, like some lesbians and some heteros, are unreliable and not that great at respecting boundaries in relationships. To make larger statements that that is to practice the same kind of stereotyping that mainstream America does when it says that gay men are promiscuous, or lesbians were sexually abused by men as children. It's just straight up lazy thinking, and you will have more success - even if you only want to date lesbians! which is a legit choice and preference - if you practice not hating on another queer minority.

    If you don't want to date someone who is experimenting, that's cool. I don't like being a litmus test either (said the bisexual - gasp!). But plenty of experimenters call themselves "straight, but..." or "I think I'm a lesbian?" in addition to bisexual. The best way to avoid experimenters is to say: "Hey, how comfortable are you being in a queer relationship?" And to recognize that even women who don't think that they are experimenting may later change their understanding of their sexuality, because humans are changeable and still growing, especially as teenagers.

    The idea that most bisexual girls will leave you for a guy... yawn. Yeah, okay. I can cite my personal experience or that of women I know, but from past experience that doesn't hold much sway with biphobic lesbians who are determined to believe that bisexual women are unreliable and slutty. Here's what I will say: any human being you date, regardless of how they identify, has the right to end a relationship with you for any reason they want. Any human you date has the right to go on to date anyone they want afterwards - and if they identify as bisexual, pure weight of numbers does suggest their next partner might be a guy. The question you should be asking yourself is why you got left, not what that person chose to do afterwards.
     
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  3. PyrvmidChvse

    PyrvmidChvse Member

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    I didn't mean to offend anyone that's bisexual because i know that not all bisexual girls up and leave you for a guy so i apologize for stereotyping but where i live MOST girls that say they are bisexual are really just experimenting. And i don't just sit around counting the days that go by until i find a girlfriend i actually get out and have fun but as i said before all my friends are busy with their relationships so i'm alone (i would spend time with family but my mom is busy with school, my dad and older brother is always working and my grandparents always take my baby brother out to places for toddlers), i have no money to go anywhere and have fun (i did look for a job but my choices were limited since i'm only 15 and the legal age to work is 16), and many other obstacles. Truth be told i don't want a relationship that badly i would rather have a friend that's my age or a little older that i can communicate with and if it turns into a relationship that's great but i just need a friend at the moment cause i really don't have anyone to talk to :cry: and i'm in the process of searching for a queer youth club in my area
     
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  4. ImaKnuff

    ImaKnuff Active Member

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    If you are interested lets get to know each other :D! I am also facing what you are now. See your inbox.

    User Control Panel------> Private messages------->Imaknuff
     
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  5. PyrvmidChvse

    PyrvmidChvse Member

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    Well i tried looking up gay youth centers and there are absolutely NONE that's walking distance or close enough to catch a bus. Also i obviously can't drive and my dad is always working which means he has the car and no one else in my household has another car so i'm out of ideas, luck, and people MY AGE or a little older to talk with. I'm tired of using the internet it's too many creeps and fakes so does ANYBODY have any other ideas please help :(
     
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