What do I do?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Golferchick19, Jul 14, 2013.

  1. Golferchick19

    Golferchick19 Member

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    I am in such a bad place and I have no one to talk to so I thank you for reading my problems and for anyone who responds, a special thank you. Here's my problem, I'm in love with my straight best friend, shocker, I know. I should also mention that we work together and she is above me. We've been friends for two years now. Part one of this story is that we were friends at work that texted each other outside of work. Some things went down at work between her and another co-worker, she thought she was going to be fired and told me that she was going to move back to the Midwest. I panicked, I told her that I was in love with her and that I wanted to be with her. This was too much too fast at a really bad time. Our friendship fell apart, she said awful things to me about how she would never be a lesbian and basically that she no longer wanted to be my friend. Work became miserable for months. Then something changed and we started being friends again. Only this time, we're closer. We have this agreement that were "secret friends". No one at work knows we're friends. She's become my best friend. The problem is, I'm still head over heels in love with her. I went in to being friends with her this time knowing that I was in love with her, but I would rather have her n my life as my friend than have her not n my life. I was ok with that. But lately, I feel like she's my girlfriend. She calls me when she sees a spider and I drive over and kill it for her. When she's sick, I come over and make her soup. When we hang out, which is a couple times a week, we watch tv and lay down together on her bed. And I KNOW this is bad. She doesn't love me and won't ever love me. But I just feel like I'm going to end up losing her one way or another and I have no idea what to do about it. I've tried to get over her, trust me, but for some reason I can't. You can't control who you love right? It's killing me and its like torture. Please please help me!
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    You have already lost her. She is the type of zombie gf that you got back from the dead and you can't touch her and you have to keep it all under wraps. If you keep going, you will lose yourself too.

    Try going to a social meetup alone, without her, and pick the activity you like the most. Find people who will openly be your friend no matter what your orientation. She has a lot of nerve to act like a bigot and make you feel like the dirty secret. If I were you I would be embarrassed by her attitude. You are way too good for her.
     
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  3. Bearface

    Bearface Active Member

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    Sounds like you need to stand up for yourself, because it seems like shes treating you badly. A good way to get over crushes that aren't reciprocated can be to spend a while (a couple of months, perhaps) with less/no contact with the person.
    The 'secret friends' thing makes it seem like she's not considering the effects of her actions on you.
     
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  4. Eva Mac

    Eva Mac Well-Known Member

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    You're living in a little fantasy world of just you and her at the moment. It's all snuggly and warm and soup and spiders...at the moment. Here's the real life facts though, she's going to hurt you, badly. She's probably not going to mean to hurt you, but hurt you she will. What's going to happen when she gets a boyfriend? It's gonna happen, he's gonna be her go to person for snuggles and soup and spiders, you'll be dropped like a proverbial hotcake. She won't realise nor care half as much as you do that your little warm snuggly world is gone. You're going to feel very used, very, very used. Those are the facts of what will happen in the future.

    So as hard as it is to wrench yourself away from this situation I think you need to for your own sake. I agree with greylin, try to make some new friends who don't have so many strings attached. Time to make some distance.
     
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  5. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    the first thing you have to do is to decide you deserve more. This 'I would rather have her in my life as a friend..' busisness. It doesn't work love, cause she is not your friend. She is the woman you are in love with. You don't see her as a friend, so she isn't one. Currently, she is much, much more than a friend in your heart, without any of the benefits. We can advise you here until we are blue in the face, but it won't do any good I rekon until YOU decide. It's a little like quitting fags, no-one can make you do it..You have to decide to. So hey, you are in unrequited love with a lady. It make you feel great and terrible at the same time. As time goes on, the great will become less and the terrible will increase. Most of us have been there at some time or another dude, and the only way out of it is to quit her..or wait until she quits you. Bury 'hope' in your garden and work at cutting those treads. Cause you are prob never gonna get what you want from her, and you can't get it from anyone else currently either as you are hung up on her. So, that's the answer dude. You need to stay away from her, but YOU need to know that and decide to give yourself more. And it won't be easy. It will f**king suck. But there is life at the end of the tunnel. Your life.
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    What @Moses said. This lady is using you as her dirty little secret not gf who kills spiders for her. Like that cute girl in HS who gets the nerds to write her paper by flirting a little.

    Cold turkey and move on.

    Ps. It's bad luck to kill spiders.
     
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  7. invincible

    invincible Well-Known Member

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    @Bluenote - It's bad luck to kill spiders. Classic. Haha!

    To the OP - The whole "I want to be your friend and be in your life in any capacity" is bullshit. It may feel okay at the moment but it won't be soon enough unless you're some sort of emotional masochist. I've been in that position several times and it always ended up badly. Nip it in the bud and stay the hell out of her life. It's the only way but, as Moses said, you'd have to want to do it. We can't do it for you. Everyone on here pretty much says the same thing, cut the friendship. The question is, are you going to do it?
     
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  8. Sensy

    Sensy Well-Known Member

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    You deserve someone who is better. She's not treating you right.
    You KNOW this is not going to work out.
    Keep a distance from her.
    You want someone who can reciprocate your love if not you can't be happy.
    Good luck
     
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