What can I do?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by girl7, Dec 27, 2015.

  1. girl7

    girl7 New Member

    Dec 27, 2015
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    Hi everyone, I'm new at this.
    So I am a girl, I'm 16, and I know I like women. I am the youngest child of my family.
    The problem is that my family is very homophobic, they always say mean things about the LGBT community, they call them the equivalent of "faggot" and "dyke" in my language all the time. My dad even told me once that he would put all of the gays in an island, far from cities. And it's not just him, my brothers, sisters, mom, aunts, uncles, granparents, all of them are homophobic, or at least all of them always talk about them with disgust and intolerance.
    Coming back to my story, I guess I have always known, but it really hit me when I had my first strong crush, when I was like 12 or 13. And I am (or was) very close to my mom, and I started telling her how I felt about this girl, and she said "You think you are gay?" with such disgust, and I was just frozen, and then my mom left the room. And since then she always pretends like she forgot that conversation and always says mean things about the LGBT community in front of me. And if she reacted like that, how the hell is my father going to react? Or the rest of my "opus dei" family?
    Besides all of this, my friends does not support gay people, and I only have two friends, that are not even my best friends, that I feel like would support me, but idk.
    What can I do? Will I lose my family for being who I am?
  2. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

    Jul 26, 2013
    Likes Received:
    It's hard. My mother was the same way, which is why I never came out to her. If I had to do it all over again, I would have come out early because in the end her hateful remarks about gay people made me so angry I didn't want to have anything to do with her. She passed away 20 years ago without us having a very good relationship. I always worried that it would be so much worse if she knew I was gay. But, you know what? Bad is bad. It doesn't get worse. If you feel you wouldn't be able to have a good relationship with your family because of their homophobia, you might as well come out to them because your relationship is going to be bad one way or the other. Judgmental is judgmental. They'll judge you for not having a boyfriend, husband or children. You might as well tell them you're a lesbian and let them judge you for that. At least you won't have to deal with hiding all the other bullshit they're thinking.

    There's no easy way to do it. If you think they'll all turn their backs on you, you won't miss anything because you'll just be avoiding them because you're gay and not out. One way or the other your family won't be a part of your life. So, save yourself the aggregation of living a lie. Come out to your family and deal with the fallout. At least you won't be miserable because you are hiding the truth about your sexuality orientation.

    However because of your age, I suggest you wait until you are out of your parent's house and supporting yourself. You don't want to live in a hellish situation. Hold on and keep quiet until then.

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