What am i to make of this?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Micki, Oct 20, 2013.

  1. Micki

    Micki Active Member

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    okay so i'm pretty sure that i know it's gonna end badly for me but i want to hear from total strangers their thoughts.

    so, it started back in 1st week of university when the people in my flat decided to throw a flat party. it was the early stages of the night so only a few people had arrived and this girl H spotted the guitar in the corner of the kitchen. After admitting it was mine the two of us had a conversation and she ended up getting he guitar and we just played music in the hallway of my flat for hours. it was great, we really hit if off and by the end of the night i had a huge crush.
    since that night we've been meeting up for more jamming sessions and teaching each other new songs. of course my friends found out about this and thought it was brilliant fun and after running into her at fresher's fair she said that she'd joined the live music society and of course i was promptly escorted to the sign-up stand and made to pass over my details to join the club.

    We kept meeting up for jamming sessions and we've gotten really close. My flat had another flat party more recently, like 2 weeks ago and i of course invited H to come join. the thing is she rather fancies the head of the music society K. K was also invited to the party but couldnt come because he was working so H asked me if i would go with her to see K at his work. I didnt particularly want to be the 3rd wheel so i declined at first but she was going to go by herself and i wasnt happy about her walking around on her own at night so i said i'd go with her. this then turned into a "not-a-date-but-feels-very-much-like-a-date-date". as K could only come see us sparingly. after a night of whole hearted conversation and light flirting, i found out that she's bisexual with the line "i think all girls are beautiful, i think you're really Fit". this really surprised me as i always assumed she was straight and that i had no chance.
    anyway after several more hours of laughter and banter we decided it was time to go and leave K to his work. on the walk back H admitted that she really enjoyed herself and that "we should do this again sometime."

    Later that week we decided to go for a stake dinner, but she invited a friend N to join us. i didnt feel awkward and tried to keep it as all inclusive as possible. when my stake came (cause she of course didnt order a stake) she announced "you're my type of woman" to which i gave a smile and yes a wink to.
    the next night we went out for the music society social. the two of us walked down together and there was the usual banter between us. of course after a few drinking games H got really drunk. (poor cutty can drink none) but she started telling people that she was a little bit lesbian and more that, she was gay for me. (i'm pretty sure i never let anything go about my feelings for her) and in the bathroom of a club we had a really good, slightly flirtatious chat.
    while at the bar, she spent alot of time flirting with K who was also present and who likes H as much as she likes him.

    on the walk over to the next club she said "Micki can come into my bed anytime she wants cause she's my girlfriend" and i was replied "watch it or i'll hold you to that" and when we got to the next club we ended up dancing together but nothing dirty just... "bopping" i suppose (i can dance none) anyway she gave me a hug and kissed my cheek then lent in for a proper make-out session, so we did... right in front of K
    after we broke apart i didnt really linger i just danced with the next person beside me and she did the same.

    later that night she left with K who walked her home. she text me saying "i'm at home, i loaf you" (these are direct quotes)
    Me: aww thats sweet, i'm back at the flat making pizza, have a good night?
    H: Good to know you're safe, How are you?
    Me: Yeah i'm fine, enjoying food
    H; You're a wonderful kisser, alcohol is bad.
    Me: aww shucks, well, it's [Alcohol] bad for you. hope you enjoyed yourself
    H: I did enjoy myself. still fancy K tho. he saw us kiss. he's sound about it. wants to get stuff sorted out at home and then he wants to be with me :D
    Me: thats great. and yeah, i know he does.


    the chat over the last 2 days has gotten increasingly sparse and now i feel like i'm annoying her. so, does she like me or have i just been played like a fiddle?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think whatever she was on faded and she thought the better of it than to pursue more with you. She and her boyfriend are probably monogamous even though he could put up with a little display of her venturing out, he would be threatened if you guys deepen your relationship. I don't think she played you, you and H were both flirting for something to happen and it did.
     
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  3. Micki

    Micki Active Member

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    yeah. i get that theres unlikely that anything will happen at this stage but other things have happened in the last 2 weeks that have both supported and rejected what you say so again i'm stuck not knowing what to do but knowing that theres nothing to do if you understand what i'm saying?
     
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  4. Omglol

    Omglol Well-Known Member

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    plz do elaborate what has happened since then ..
    also I really dislike people using alcohol as an excuse to do whatever they want to or say whatever, take credit for ur actions ugh lol.
     
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  5. Micki

    Micki Active Member

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    well, they're little things that when viewed by a hopeful over thinker such as myself seem massive and i think i've just hit the stage of acceptance now.
    K has become very passive aggressive towards me, particularly when me and H are in the same vicinity. He keeps making digs in here and there all while making himself seem polite as punch. he dislikes leaving me and H in each others company for any period of time. even though i've always come across as a friend of H. for example the other night there was 4 of us walking back from a night out. K and the other guy were walking a little faster than me and H so they ended up a bit of a distance away and for a few minutes K forgot about us. but i seen the idea slap him in the face and he spun on his heels to watch us walk to meet them. which i found rather funny. but as we got to about 5 steps away from them H wrapped her arm around mine, like how (sorry for the stereotypes) a "gentleman" lends his arm to a "lady". and immediately K got very clingy and trying to (unsuccessfully) detach H from me, e.g hugging her. arm around her waist, mirroring me on her other arm. i got the message and let go.
    It may just be that he's just insecure in his relationship but i dont understand why he should feel like theres anything to feel insecure about. i have no intention of breaking them up. (they're basically too clingy for it to last anyway)

    Also H's sister R came up to visit H and i was aware they were close but didnt realize how close until the following conversation occured:
    R:H told me about you and her....
    me: oh, thats.... cool...
    R: yeah she said you're an amazing kisser... she said you were better than K
    Me: well, theres a boost to anyone's confidence :)

    and i figured that if the kiss wasnt all that important then you wouldnt think to mention it, so i figured that there might have been something behind it. but then again, they could just be that close and recite their day off to each other.
    and why would K feel so threatened by me if H had only feelings of absolute friendship.

    so, at this stage i'm going to accept my place a Jacob in this twilight analogy
     
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  6. Omglol

    Omglol Well-Known Member

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    omg twilight u lost my vote here hahaha
    jk i guess there is no place for judgment here, i am trying so hard tho :p

    anyway...

    alright I think the bf is jealous, insecure, worried, and fearful But these are all normal and expected. a girl in a monogamous relationship got drunk and kissed her best friend uhm yea that turns heads, I can understand why he is acting the way he is.
    it's somewhat obvious that she is talking about u to other ppl.. and perhaps the bf hears and sees how much she talks about u and gets upset. you see he wants to be center of attention and he should be to some degree, but he can also see how clingy she is to u. I think she is attracted to u a little bit and or she got excited about the kiss something perhaps she had never done and that picked her curiosity etc ... it could also be that they may be thinking about a threesome with u? is that something that has ever crossed ur mind? If so, I highly highly advise against it! idk just throwing ideas at u here u know lol..

    does she know ur gay? ( sry if i missed this in first post) also did she confirm her bisexuality or was it just something she said about girls are beautiful. if so i mean the bf can be a little insecure about that. maybe they are a not good at communicating together and stuff..

    I would ask her if she is emotionally, mentally and physically attracted to women as well as men because there is a difference if she is only sexually attracted to women but can not imagine herself in a relationship with one.

    and i think u should sit and give this a little thought in regards to are you attracted to her? have a crush/ infatuation on her? I think there should be some boundaries even if ur friend doesn't have any atm but their relationship should be respected and valued regardless. even tho ur not fault here, u didnt touch her or kiss her first.. sooo...
    time to have a talk with her. sober, without the guy present.

    something like hey man, ive been enjoying getting to know u etc i think ur cool and jamming with u is fun etc but i think u are giving me mixed messages here, i think the kissing was somewhat inappropriate idk whether it was for a show or heat of the moment .. ive been thinking about it and sounds like uve been thinking about it too since ur sister even knew about it. also idk where ur bf stands in this because I feel like he's been acting a lil differently or maybe over protective. im not here to steal u ( are u?) but i feel like we should communicate properly about this and not just try to forget about it..

    my few cents here.. i hope it was helpful :)
     
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  7. Micki

    Micki Active Member

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    well we'll leave twilight out of this, it was the only analogy i could think of.
    the threesome thing actually never really crossed my mind but i really doubt that's their intentions, particularly when K is clearly uncomfortable when me and H are anywhere near each other, which makes the dynamics of the music society rather interesting.
    Yes she know's im gay, i think i drunkenly announced it to the whole party that night and i reaffirmed it on the "not-a-date-but-seemed-like-a-date-date" and she basically came to an epiffany on the same night that she wasnt straight but more that she was aware of her attraction to girls but because she's also attracted to men always ignored it. so i think she did :?:

    im really not following their relationship that closely because, i respect their privacy (to an extent, we're best friends i have to poke fun at her)
    i also have no intention of asking her those questions because i'm not that forward and being that forward would probably frighten her. especially now sh'es in a relationship.

    yes i have a crush on this girl, i have from the first night i met her (no i dont fall for every girl i meet, in fact its very rare that i do fall for someone) and chatting rubbish with her makes my day. but i'm aware of my feelings and i've tried to give her and K space to do their own thing and currently i barely chat to her once a week and havent seen her since halloween. i like K he's a decent guy just insecure at the minute, i dont want to be the cause of a break up nor do i want to break them up. however, i wouldnt be entirely upset if they did break up.

    okay thanks for the advice
     
    #7
  8. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    I did notice that you gave no feedback on the kissing. Like she said it to you and you were like 'oh thanks' or equivalent. Likewise the sis. She probably feels that getting info out of you is like getting blood out of a stone. So...if it's not too odd to mention it this late after the event...talk to someone about the kiss in a light, complimentary manner. Pick a someone that you suspect would feed it back to her. Not the dude, I hasten to add. Someone else. Another mate or the likes. Or else bring it up with her jokingly re text/ in person. This is all very chilled in ur approach mind, and what you are doing is a bit of fishing (kinda like what she might have been doing when she mentioned it to you and her sister!!). So have a go, throw a stone in the pond, see if there will be a ripple.
     
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  9. Micki

    Micki Active Member

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    yeah, i'm really awkward when it comes to that type of thing and i feel like i missed an opportunity. it was only the next morning when i realized that.
    and the conversation with the sister took me completely by surprise, i had convinced myself that it happened and that was the end of it but when the sister brought it up i was totally lost for words.
    but yeah i see what you mean and it probably would be a good idea to prod around a little bit and see if she likes me and is playing it safe by sticking with K (kinda the same routine she's had all her life) or i'm imagining the whole situation
     
    #9

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