Weird situation in France

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Bearface, Jul 16, 2013.

  1. Bearface

    Bearface Active Member

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    I'm a furniture designer, and just came back from some internships with some furniture designers in Europe. I did three internships. When I did the final internship I was communicating with the designer in French, which i learned especially for the internship, which was only for 3 weeks. before and during the internship i felt like I had a lot of energy and enthusiasm. I went to dinner one night with the guy i was doing an internship with and his wife, and i said some things that i believe his wife interpreted as flirting. I've always thought of myself as gay, but i feel like he may have been attracted to me and i was also attracted to him. I feel as though I may have overstepped the unspoken boundary that women have.. or something like that. They even drove me to Paris, but I didn't say anything to his wife in the car.
    Things got really awkward at the end between his wife who had a little baby and me, and now I’m confused about my career and my sexuality, and I feel like I've lost the energy I had before I did that internship. I’m home now and I cant seem to forget about it or move on.
    Any advice would me greatly appreciated.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    That is weird. I think you feel a certain amount of confusion about your sexuality, but all the energy of your post points towards the wife. It could be that you'd never dreamed that even if you were attracted to a man you would be "that woman", "that person" who does this to another woman, especially one with a baby.

    I am guessing, the husband in this case is probably just very good at what he does. He knows how to engage a woman and he likes sexual attention as a hook. I know you are surprised by your reaction to him but I am not. You are very much into this profession and maybe he is someone you admire in terms of skills. It sometimes does not take much more if he is also hitting all the right buttons for you. If his wife doesn't share his passion and he has a nice woman to talk about furniture design with then it is the perfect storm of a lovefest. Compounding your guilt is the wife who knows darn well that if she had not been around you two might have gone a lot further.

    Be relieved that you have not done anything overt with this guy. You are right to feel bad about the wife because good people would feel a little bad in that situation. But, don't let that take your passion from what you are doing. It is not worth it. The guy has a lot of work to do in terms of being a good husband and father and paying attention to his wife. What I would do is any email that you exchange with him in the future, you include his wife and say hi to her each time and ask about the baby. Only communicate with him professionally and always pay some social respect to the wife. Hopefully, each time you do that it will make both you and the wife feel better.
     
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  3. Bearface

    Bearface Active Member

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    Thanks for your advice greylin.
    I really appreciate it.
    I'm no longer in contact with the guy, and I sent an email to him thanking him for the internship and saying sorry for the miscommunication with his wife, but he hasn't responded. I guess I just have to get over it. Or perhaps I could try and contact him in another way..?
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hi Bearface, I hope you are feeling better. I don't think the guy wants to acknowledge that anything out of the ordinary happened. And I don't think he wants to have a conversation about it either way. So I would just drop it. You tried. You didn't have an affair with him, whatever happens with his relationship with his wife is now between him and her.
     
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  5. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, Bearface, I like the advice you give people too. Sorry my network hiccuped when I was posting so I thought I had to retype the message. But then both of them appeared so I am editing the 2nd one out.
     
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  6. Bearface

    Bearface Active Member

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    Thanks greylin,
    You give great advice. I think the advice you some gave other people on this site is also pretty great.
     
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