We need a place to hook up

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by u-45691486, Nov 17, 2015.

  1. u-45691486

    u-45691486 Member

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    So I will get right to the point. I met this girl and we have been talking. Things have progressed and now we really really want to hook up. The problem? We have no place to go that is private. She lives at home (more on this shortly), I have a room mate (my ex, former girlfriend, works from home, lease ends in March 2016). I feel like I am in high school all over again lol. Easy answer would be take a trip, get a hotel... but wait there is more. She has a daughter. This is her reason for living at home again, she is single mom and moved back in with her parents and sisters so she can have the help. But at the end of the day where ever she goes so does the toddler. Which means still no privacy. How does one navigate this kind of situation?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    If all you want is a hook up, find an easier girl to do it with.

    If you want something more serious with this girl, she is eventually going to have to come out / come out about you two to her parents.
     
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  3. u-45691486

    u-45691486 Member

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    It wouldn't be just a hook up. I have really come to like her and her daughter. But I am not sure where it is all going just yet as it is fairly new. Don't want to give up on it just yet.
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    If you start hooking up now while she hides it, things are likely going to continue with her hiding it. Why would she "buy the cow when the milk is free?" As the saying goes.

    There will always be a reason (or an excuse). If she thinks that coming out would jeopardize living with her parents (and therefore, her daughter's welfare) then she isn't going to come out to them any time soon. If she isn't in a place where she can say 'mom, dad, I have a date, can you watch my daughter for the evening' then she won't be any time soon.

    So if you are ok with secret hook ups on the side and a long list of reasons why she can't spend the night / you can't spend the night / she can't tell her parents / you can't come to events and holidays - then go for it. Seriously, if she isn't willing to rock the boat for you now, she won't be any more willing to rock the boat for you once you are willing to be her secret hook up.
     
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  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    This woman is a mother first and a hook up second. Meaning -- if you date her, you will always come second to her kid. Know that now and going into the situation because this is going to complicate things for you and your "hooking up" prospects. You don't have the luxury or the freedom to let things progress based on your own schedule and both of your living situations -- which may cause you in the end to resent her (and she you) if you sneak around and try to have these hook up kind of things. It cheapens it (which is fine if you like that sort of thing..but you indicated you're looking at this as a progression).

    Be patient and act like adults. Even moms need some time away from their children. Make a date night, get a sitter, and take her out on the town...or a weekend getaway if that is possible. And last time I had a roommate, we were respectful of each other and our mutual desires to date or have people stay over so long as it wasn't an all the time kind of thing.
     
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  6. Frazier

    Frazier Well-Known Member

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    After the hook up,then what?I believe that if you want this woman to be 'more than' a hook up in future,then any hook up will be worth the wait.Consider that she may have more to lose than yourself and the potential hook up can lead to profound consequences in the long wrong.My advice would be to put your ovaries on hold until you've fully determined if she's just going to be a fling or much more......Good luck!
     
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  7. u-45691486

    u-45691486 Member

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    Thank you for all the input. Amazing what a second set of eyes can do on a situation. Thanks again.
     
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  8. Canuck8881

    Canuck8881 Well-Known Member

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    OMG people!! She didn't ask for life lessons or for anyone to judge her morals. She just wants to hook up. There is nothing wrong for some hot and heavy, between the sheets action between two agreeing adults. Do you live near a city? Find a hotel that rents rooms by the hour for cash. And have fun!!!!!
     
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  9. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I am not judging her. I told the op in my first post if she just wants to hook up, find an easier girl. There is a difference between judging someone and pointing out possible ramifications to their situation. If the op chooses to get involved with this girl, knowing the limitations, that is her choice. But at least she has been forewarned and is making an 'informed' decision.
     
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  10. Canuck8881

    Canuck8881 Well-Known Member

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    They really really want to hook up (her words) so..... it's the right girl.
     
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  11. laura7

    laura7 Member

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    Cheap motel...
     
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  12. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Maybe you shouldn't have said "hook-up" because it implies nothing more than a one night stand situation. If she is someone you can see a future with wait until your roommate moves out to get intimate. It sounds like a long wait, and it is. But, if you feel you just can't wait, you can get a motel room for the night. Or, explain to your roommate you'd like the place to yourself for a few hours. If she's not a complete jerk she should be able to find something to do away from home. You might even want to offer to pay her way to the movies with extra for popcorn. Be creative.
     
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  13. laura7

    laura7 Member

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    If it is not a ONS then i would approve a four star hotel...
     
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  14. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Damn...if you're going to embellish..then I would've gone for the full 5 star hotel experience. And, yes, there is a difference.
     
    #14

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