Very confused

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Oz, Aug 22, 2013.

  1. Oz

    Oz Member

    Aug 22, 2013
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    Hi, I'm really confused and could do with some advice.
    When I was the ages 10-13 I had butterflies for girls and a major crush on one girl. I had no clue that this could mean I was gay/bi. I actually completely forgot about it as I stopped liking girls. Or so I thought because when I was 15 I liked another girl. Like, really liked her. I always thought about her and loved being around her. She was a bad friend but I was crazy about her and had never felt that way before. Now, I'm 17 and I'm confused. I don't have celebrity crushes on guys of girls, and don't immediately feel attracted to someone. I'm not even sure if I am attracted to anybody. Sometimes I can't see myself being in a relationship. I don't get it. Does anyone have an idea of why this could be?
  2. rebelde

    rebelde Active Member

    Jul 19, 2013
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    First off, nobody said you had to like someone to be who you are. You're young, just because you don't have a crush right now doesn't mean you aren't going to one day. Your heart will fall for someone or you will notice someone, either a girl or a boy, it's not something that you can program to happen, it just will but in the meantime, just go with the flow, don't overthink it, whether you're gay, bi or anything else, it doesn't matter how society labels you because you're a person with feelings and a personality, that's all that matters. Enjoy your friends and life in general, let your heart and body speak for theirselves, labels be damned. As long as you're comfortable with yourself, the rest doesn't matter. :D
  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    Some of us don't do the butterfly, lovesick, boy- or girl-crazy thing. I can count the number of real crushes I've had on one hand, starting at age 14 (and I'm 27 now); my sister accumulated hundreds in the same time period. When I did crush on someone, it was usually emotionally unavailable older women with killer singing voices with whom I had no chance (and didn't even really want one). I spent a lot of time thinking I was unlovable, broken, maybe not actually queer, asexual, and doomed.

    I was none of those things; I just don't have particularly frisky hormones, and at times there were other things that needed my attention. It has had no impact on my eventual relationships, sex life, or love for my partners. It freed me up to focus on my happiness - to take up hobbies, do great in school, travel, make stuff - which coincidentally actually led to my most successful relationships and my current engagement to the cutest dyke you ever saw.

    Also worth noting: at 17, you are quite seriously not done cooking. Your brain has several years of maturing left to go, and your body, however close, is not there either; this means that there are some connections that haven't been made yet, some processes that aren't easy yet. All by way of saying: life is long. Focus on the things that you do control - what you do, instead of your biology - and I'll bet it'll work out.
  4. annalyseme

    annalyseme Active Member

    Sep 15, 2013
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    Truely believe that being 17, there's no reason to panic there
    It will come with time and it will be about falling in love with the person not the guy or the girl.

    Hope it helps anyways
    I think its so cool that you have not fallen in that "storm" yet
    Cos believe me, not all love stories end well

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