Trying to Start Over

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by darkslyrose, Aug 23, 2014.

  1. darkslyrose

    darkslyrose Well-Known Member

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    As I'm sitting in my pajamas on another Saturday night, wandering amongst this amazing site and listening to music which is the typical; I just thought that I'd talk about some stuff which would be better to get out than really keep inside for longer and continuously torture myself despite knowing that it isn’t good for me.

    Today I saw this cute lesbian couple holding hands and kissing, and my mind immediately went to the screaming thought of why can’t I have that? I’ve been single for..*counts on fingers* 5 years now and my last breakup came at a really terrible time because I unfortunately lost my mom a few months after my girlfriend at the time decided to call it quits so that wasn’t an easy time for me to handle, spent the last four years trying to go through my life and try to get back to doing things instead of just being a broken girl trapped in a vicious cycle that always ends in a pity party.

    Feels like my life is like the song Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon where it goes.. “I say all the right things at exactly the right time but I mean nothing to you and I don’t know why.”

    So, I guess I’m just kind of wondering how to break this cycle because I feel stuck and I want to move on to other things, get back into the dating scene despite the fact that it’s never been easy for me to meet people and if anyone want to know the reasoning why, they can feel free to ask.
     
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  2. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Mmm... I kind of know how you feel in some ways. I have had some simply ridiculous years of late, but I think things are actually getting better. The first thing I learned is to not be so hard on yourself, and get out there. My reason for being at home on a Saturday night is actually legit (health reasons)... so if you don't have a legit reason like that, go call up your friends and go out... or just stay in if they want to have a night in. Just let go. :)

    Otherwise, you may want to seek the help of a Therapist/Psychologist. I'm currently also seeing one (was in a really awful relationship) and I find that I was quite anxious going at first but now I find that we hit it off that all of my fears are going away and new doors are opening up for me. She says that I don't really need her help because I seem to have it mostly sorted out, but I was actually amazed that during our second session I discovered why I was gay! So don't be afraid to see one, it may be helpful for you to let go of whatever happened to you and to get back on your feet again.
     
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  3. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    You are dealing with depression and shyness which is in a feedback loop. Sundancer has great points.

    It wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional, if possible - or even a stranger on a website. Hell, I spent almost 10 years not getting any action, being depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I had to work things out and MADE myself GO OUT THERE and MEET PEOPLE! Just go to a bar or club, have a drink - and people watch. If you get a bit drunk... go out and dance even. Doesn't matter if you suck at it too... drunk people DON'T CARE. But if you are having some fun, it'll make you feel better and allow someone to approach you.

    Nothing wrong with someone ELSE starting a conversation. Same if you just people watch form the sideline or a bar. And just because someone starts talking to you, doesn't mean it must lead to sex or a date. Be friendly, chat about whatever there is to talk about.

    It took a year or so, I have learned to talk to strangers and of course respond top them. Then I become friends with them, then I meet people through people I have already meet, etc etc... its networking :) Why do you think people dress up to go out clubbing or dress strange or have jewelry or tattoos? Its conversation starters.

    "Wow, I love that blouse " while innocently feeling the material in a non sexual way or location. Is an opener. Also, don't be plain. If you like sci-fi or anime... dress up a bit, put color in your hair, have a silly or cute button on your skirt or pants. Wear a cool or silly hat you like... You will get the attention of someone who LIKES what you like.

    PS: Its okay to be honest "I'm a bit rusty"... and "I may say something silly because I'm shy and nervous".

    Starting a relationship STARTS with saying "hello" and a kiss.
     
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  4. jellohead

    jellohead Well-Known Member

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    Why you are gay??They can tell you why??
     
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  5. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Yep... it doesn't bother me but it just made me go, "Oh!"
     
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  6. jellohead

    jellohead Well-Known Member

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    So curious, can I ask what kind of reason they gave?
     
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  7. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    The reason is actually deeply personal so no I won't share it and will probably be different for everyone.
     
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