Transitioning from "bisexual" to lesbian

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by Skylar, Jun 26, 2014.

  1. Skylar

    Skylar Member

    Jun 26, 2014
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    So most of my friends know that i'm bi-sexual, and all of my close friends know that I lean toward the preference of women. I can't lie, it feels nice to be with a man. They're supportive, they make you feel protected and safe. A lot of them treat you like a queen. Not once in my life have I ever been ungrateful for what the great men in my past have done for me. Personally I've chose to date mostly men even though I prefer women a great deal. For me, being with men is just more convenient. With men they just kind of throw themselves at you. They seduce you and let you know right off the bat if they're interested. I'm the shy type who doesn't normally approach anybody unless I know they're into me. Which makes it very difficult to meet other lesbian/bisexual women.

    Availability and conveince are the main factors in why I date men more often. At certain points I thought I just hadn't met the right guy yet so I went through a bunch of them like nothing. All I realized is that I'm not genuinely attracted to them, I'm just trying to reinforce my "heterosexuality" by using their satisfaction to compromise my self worth. Sure I have slept with men in the past, the physical feeling can be great of course but I always catch myself feeling empty afterwards, like there's this void they can't fill. The idea of a man, or the idea of sleeping with one doesn't turn me on, there are VERY few exceptions to that rule.

    Deep down inside, no matter how much I want to push it away and ignore it, i'm a lesbian.

    When i'm out in public, watching tv, or flipping through a magazine women are what catch my eye.
    Their soft skin, pretty eyes, delicate hair, full hips and their curves are what attracts me the most.
    Femininity drives me fucking crazy in every way, I can't say a man has ever made me feel like that.

    I've been in love with men but there was always something missing. I was always sacrificing who I was to love them. I don't feel like I'm myself with a man. The admiration and attention a man gives me feels great. But the person they desire isn't really me at all.

    Being with a woman just feels right, I can just be my complete self.
    At this point I'd rather be alone waiting for a person who is right for me than trying to force myself into something for all the wrong reasons.
    I can't say I never have or never will be attracted to or possibly fall in love with a man someday since female sexuality is so fluid.
    Just for right now at this moment I want to be a hundred percent true to myself, even if it means being lonely for awhile.
  2. MizzLadyPants

    MizzLadyPants Well-Known Member

    Oct 3, 2013
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    I could have written that post lol. I totally get what you mean about how guy's are easier than women lol. I have to be chased a lil & guys are willing to do it lol.

    I like to cal myself pansexual personally but that has a lot to do with me being tired of going between calling myself a lesbian & calling myself bisexual. I'm attracted to personality more than anything. But when it comes to the bottom line, I find woman more attractive & mentally stimulating.

    And to top if off... woman intimidate me so bad... &one thing I know more&more is the more I want something; the more it scares the shit out of me lol
  3. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Hmm... you two (OP & #1)... I think it's time to let go. It doesn't matter what label you put yourself unless it's not true. And sometimes as human beings, we get so caught up the labelling and categorising - which by the way, is the reason why stereotypes even exist in the first place.

    Does it actually really matter whether you're either bisexual or a lesbian? Being a lesbian doesn't mean that you are a man hater or something. Sometimes you actually can be physically attracted to guys, like for example buff guys - we're not blind. Their physique can be attractive to some, just like how straight guys and straight girls can say that a person of their gender is good looking - they aren't blind either but it doesn't mean that they want to go further by kissing them or having sex with them or something. But it's actually going the distance, going past the physical and into something much deeper. Straight people wouldn't cross the line, and that's where we bi and lesbian women would want to go further.

    Sacrificing ourselves to succumb to family, peer, or societal pressure in this particular case would be wrong. Yes, they may look good, convenient, normal, they are nice men, and so on may be the quality. But if you don't want to actually go further - that's telling. You are doing a disservice not only to yourself, but to also the straight men that you're not genuinely attracted to but are kind of dating. You're not only wasting his time, love, and energy, but yours too.
  4. Billie

    Billie Member

    Aug 12, 2014
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    Oh for goodness sake! Skylar, MizzLadyPants, etc. Female sexuality is NOT “fluid”! You ask the average gay women and they will tell you how insulted they are by that idea and that it’s not true at all. Or just ask the average women in general. Maybe SOME are fluid, but the vast majority are not. And if you’re going to believe that about women, then you should believe that about men as well. There have been plenty of cases of men who have proclaimed themselves to be “fluid” regardless of their orientation. But again, just like women only VERY FEW of them are. So only some people are, but most of them are not. Any human being in general is 100% their sexuality for life. They are born and hard-wired that way, and nothing can ever change that. Ever. Another reason why it’s so damn insulting is because it just continues to give people the excuse not to take queer ladies seriously. Or it gives chauvinistic, smug straight (and even bi) men the idea that they can still try and hit on a lesbian because “hey! I can totally turn her, because us dudes are just that awesome! Har Har Har!” And all of that other crap. I have known TONS of women who came out as gay in their teens, and they are now in their middle ages of 40’s, 50’s and 60’s and every single one of them are STILL not attracted to men at all. This is the same thing with straight women, only opposite of course. So again, if you are going to say these things about women, then don’t just think we’re the only ones. An equal number of men are the same way. ALL human beings are equal to each other in many different ways including sexuality. It's also ridiculous to say that "for now" you want to be 100% yourself. Um, being 100% yourself means that you will never change, 100% is for life because it means you have achieved the ultimate goal of knowing exactly who you are and realizing this is TRULY where you stand. It's your soul coming out and saying, "this is who I TRULY am and this is who I'm meant to be". So why would that change? It wouldn't! So if you really are a lesbian (even though it might be controversial to say since it's seems, by the way you describe your relationships with men that you are still in many ways attracted to them and therefore maybe you are not), but if you truly are, then you will never change. This is who you truly are, for all time. In general, no one can change who they really are, it's impossible. All (or most) humans were born to be a certain way.

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