Time to go?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by mskaf, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. mskaf

    mskaf Member

    Nov 10, 2013
    Likes Received:
    I think I just need to get this out there, although I can't even pin the reason down.

    I've been in a long-term relationship (5 years). I've been told that relationships do change from that heady honeymoon phase to one where people become best friends.

    I think we're only best friends now. I think we've built up a life that we're both too scared to walk away from but which we may now resent. I think we're too scared to be without each other but hate that. I think it's telling that we aren't planning any vacations (too much long term planning) and that it's possible for us to not see each other until the next morning although we work really close to each other (work, after work drinks, work mates etc). I think it's a bad sign that I would have to seriously think about it if my company asks me to move away.

    I think it's terrible that we're so close that I can tell when she's disinterested. And interested - I wish I could be fooled by the dip in affection and the sudden extra attention to grooming and extra long work lunches or dinners with colleague(s), or the endless speculation over whether so and so is gay. I wish I won't intuitively guess that the crying without clear reason ('just tired') was because that person was moving away.

    My friends, (bless them) although straight, have tried to walk me through this with:-

    - It's just a phase, everyone has a crush on someone else. (But you know that's what you said about us when I told you I liked a girl right? Oh the irony)
    - The person is moving away, she's not telling you and dealing with it. It will pass and you should let it. I would if it was my husband/boyfriend. (will you really?)
    - Maybe two girls always have the danger of falling into deep friendships? It's normal and you can continue on happily? She has been making efforts recently, we noticed (Am I wrong to think there's guilt?)
    - Everyone has some little regret now and then about settling down (yes but you can't tell me this is normal, straight or not.)
    - Wait a while and then decide (meanwhile we both don't talk about it?)
    - What about the dog? The poor dear needs both of you (or rather we both need her - is it pathetic that we will probably only really fight about that?)

    And I wish that this is all happening only because of that person but I am afraid that I don't even bear her any ill-will. Maybe all she did was to brush away the layers of dust and bring these issues to light.

    I also think it's terrible that I wonder why I didn't accept another's attention when I could (well other issues aside). I know I made the right choice, but I think it's awful that I can't say there's no regret there. I don't think I'm blameless.

    I don't know whether the real issue is that we don't know how to say goodbye (I suspect it is). Or whether we don't think it should because sometimes it still feels like it could work if we tried - what if this was the one but we didn't fight for it? (always the constant thing that brings us back when we argue).

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