This girl is confusing me

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Rachel860321, Apr 22, 2018.

  1. Rachel860321

    Rachel860321 New Member

    Apr 22, 2018
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    So I met this girl at work. A bunch of my friends told me that she has a crush on me and she told me herself two weeks ago. I’m not gonna lie I’ve had a crush on her too. She asked me out and of course I said yes so when the day comes for us to go on our date she bails. Needless to say I was disappointed and thought “well I guess that’s the end of that“. So I get back to work on Monday and she’s acting completely normal towards me so I was thinking maybe something did really come up that she couldn’t get out of. So halfway through the week she asked me out again for dinner this Saturday night. I agreed and then an hour before we are supposed to meet for dinner something else comes up and she bails yet again. She’s trying to text me now like everything is completely normal. I told her that I was disappointed That she bailed out on the date and she apologized saying that her cousin had to go to the hospital… I’m not really sure if I believe that. I do like this girl but how can I figure out what’s really going on? She tells me that she’s gay and she’s had other relationships before So I don’t know what the problem is. Can anyone offer any advice?
  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    Seems like a weird pattern; I wouldn't love it either. She doesn't have to be uncomfortable with her sexuality to be uncomfortable following through on dates, or to have poor communication and planning skills, or to consistently prioritize something other than to get to know you. You also don't need to know why she's bailing (and not communicating with you about it) to find it annoying and not a thing you want to invest in further.

    You teach people how to treat you. If you want to continue this exploration, the thing you don't want to do is play it cool and let her know that you will be fine with being bailed on. Instead, you want to let her know that (a) this isn't cool, and (b) here's how you would like it to be going forward. If she doesn't follow through or respect that... well, that's disappointing, but it's showing you that she's not willing to respect your boundary. Better to find that out now that set up a pattern where you are always waiting on her and she is always prioritizing other commitments.

    My advice (always my advice) is to be really straightforward with her. "Hey, we've planned two dates and you've cancelled on me both times. There may have been reasons, but it's a pattern that is making me uncomfortable. If you are interested in going on a date with me, please make sure that you are completely available and have a backup plan for any possible things that could come up!" (Or, "good luck in your future dating adventures, but I'm not interested in trying again.")

    She might decide that doing that is too much work, but - that's actually an okay outcome too! The point of dating is to figure out if you are interested in building something more with a person, and if you needing not to be bailed on like its no big deal and her need to bail at the last minute are incompatible, that's a thing you learned sooner rather than later.
    greylin likes this.
  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I don't think she is that into you. If she was into you, she would cancel but reach out to you. Not cancel, then pretend like everything is normal. I say ditch her and move on.

    It doesn't matter why she keeps blowing you off. It just matters that she does blow you off. Listen to her message and take the hint.

    Honestly she sounds immature. I think you could do much better. Don't let this get to you. There will be a girl out there who values you and treats you right.
    greylin and Spygirl like this.
  4. lesbiandama123

    May 31, 2018
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    Just read your story and i think of mine. but it's done now.
    She move on and I'm stay here for nothing.
  5. CoffeeLipstick

    Jun 15, 2018
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    I would say just be honest about your feeling. Talk to her.

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