Thinking out loud...

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by kp89, Feb 26, 2015.

  1. kp89

    kp89 New Member

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    So where to begin. I'm 26 and I've known for about 5 years that I'm attracted to women...it's also taken me about 5 years to actually acknowledge them. Even now I've never even said the words out loud. I thought for a long time that I could ignore it and just carry on kissing boys, even though that requires me to be drunk and pretty much numb to what I'm doing. Luckily there's something in me that stops it going further, deep down I know that I really don't actually want it/them. I always thought that knowing you were gay was a black and white thing, either you are or your not. How wrong could I be! I honestly never realised that a human could struggle so much with something that essentially makes them who they are. How can something that is part of my soul, personality and actual being feel like it doesn't belong or make me feel so uncomfortable. Until recently I thought saying the words in my head meant that I didn't need to say them out loud. Turns out that's crap. Why should saying the words 'I'm gay' out loud make any difference? The conclusion I came to was that I wasn't truly accepting myself until I said it at loud. How can someone love me if I don't even like myself that much. I struggle with what label to put on myself, I feel like people expect a label or an explanation. At the same time I don't want to have to explain myself at all.

    The people I would struggle with would be my family, my mums a Christian and not at all in favour with being gay. I did tell her about 2 years ago that 'I liked girls as well as boys'. I thought that if she thought I still liked boys it wouldn't be such a let down for her. The reaction I got was 'oh dear'. I did get hug eventually but I guess it just put me off ever talking about it again. I also told most of my friends after a few drinks but its never really been mentioned since.

    I guess I just needed to get these words out my head, they've been driving me crazy. I've read some other coming out stories on here and I figured it would a place to start. The first step. A wise owl once told me you can't expect change if you're not willing to do something different. So here I am..doing something different.
     
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  2. Suejax22

    Suejax22 New Member

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    I hid it for a while and still have from my friends. I finally got the guts to tell my parents and I am 38. I'm not ready to post it on Facebook or twitter just yet. Considering the fact I haven't been with a woman yet, not really going to say I am gay to everyone I know. I've known since high school or before that. But I've messed around with guys but they just do nothing for me. Plus, it's hard to find other gay women where I live. I did feel like a weight was lifted when I finally told my parents.
     
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  3. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    I can totally relate to thinking that knowing you were gay was a black and white thing... If only!

    I was out to a lot of my family and friends as bi, then dated a guy for 5 years and came to the conclusion that guys are better off friends... Making me have to come out all over again at 25. ... Labels are redundant categories for society, you're whatever you want to be. At the end if you're happy with what you are, that's all that matters...

    Although it sounds like your mother may have been taken aback a bit, she still gave you a hug. This shows she'll be willing to accept and work with you. Accepting your gay will (hopefully) just give you a better understanding of yourself... it's not like you suddenly turn into a flamboyant gay who throws rainbows at everybody in their presents. So really, other than her own malfunctions, it won't effect her anyways...

    Posting on here is a great first step to coming out! I would also recommend joining a local lgbt meet up or lgbt networking site to make some local lgbt friends.

    Congratulations on your acceptance and good luck with the journey!
     
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  4. MLL

    MLL Member

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    Just do your best to brush that feeling off. It's not easy but you need to live your life according to your terms, and you shouldn't feel like you need to 'label' yourself to please others.

    Best wishes to you.
     
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  5. despicably-delirious

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    From my own personal experience I worried that my mother would struggle with it and I was fully prepared to be rejected by her but seven years later I had a discussion about how scary it was for me to tell her that I was gay and what I thought was going to happen when I told them. She was so surprised and a little upset that I would ever think me being gay would cause her to love me any less. She is my biggest supporter and advocate these days. That was something I never would have expected. She struggled at first but things got easier the more she understood it. She never thought I was going to be gay so it took an adjustment in her thoughts on things. People surprise you.

    Personally I couldn't hide who I was. It causes too much stress and inner turmoil that can't be good for you. And you should never have to hide who you are to the people you love and those who love you. They should never ask you to be anything but yourself. I also came out to my friends when I was very drunk, some talked about it, some didn't. Once you open up a dialogue with them about it, it gets easier. For me this time last year, Panti's Noble Call (youtube it) really helped open up dialogue with my family and made me realise that they are always on my side. (And they really love drag queens!)

    Best of luck to you. Its an interesting and awesome journey.
     
    #5

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