The Reluctant Homecoming Candidate

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by andieon.8, Jan 11, 2015.

  1. andieon.8

    andieon.8 New Member

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    I have been selected as a homecoming candidate for my school. All my friends and family are excited but I'm not. I abhor the thought our wearing a dress. I actually have a countdown for how much longer I have to wear a dress. However, my mom won't let me wear a suit. I have no clue at what to do, because I don't know the first thing about dresses, let alone accessories and makeup. If anyone has any advice please help!
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    If you just wear a suit, what'll your mom do? Is she the freak out and break your ribs type? Or will she be pissed and then get over it.
     
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  3. andieon.8

    andieon.8 New Member

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    Sigh. If I found a way around her she'd be pissed. I think she's still struggling with my sexuality and she doesn't want me to be a "stereotype". I'm putting off clothes shopping again until college, because I prefer more tomboyish clothing and she always gets upset when I pick out that sort of clothing and says I'm not a boy, I'm a girl and I need to dress like it. So to answer your question, she'd be pissed but I don't know if she'd get over it.
     
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  4. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    ...

    Is your mom going to be there the entire night? Change into a suite as soon as you leave the house.

    (sorry that's the teenage me talking lol)

    Well, have you ever worn a dress? This might be a case of "the school chose an androgynous queen", and in that case, dress? Who cares! Have you had a sit with your mom and told her how uncomfortable it makes you to wear a dress?
     
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  5. andieon.8

    andieon.8 New Member

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    My school's homecoming is odd. There's a homecoming assembly during school on Friday where the candidates are supposed to be decked out and the winners are announced at a basketball game later that evening. My parents are teachers at my school, so they'll be there the entire time. The dance is on Saturday, and that might be the only time Mom will let me out of a dress.

    She knows it makes me uncomfortable, but she doesn't care. I'm supposed to suck it up.
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    OK, so then peace must prevail.

    I get where you're coming from. I'm a tomboy, too and I'm not a big fan of dresses. I wear them occasionally, but I prefer not to.

    So let's review your options:
    1) go through with it
    2) go through with it, find a dress - you like
    3) withdraw
    4) wear a suit

    I think what you do with it, depends a lot on where you are internally. Like how you will wind up feeling.

    I was in a friends' wedding and had to go high femme (shut up, @Emm ). But it wasn't that bad. mostly because 95% of the time I get to be a tomboy. So I felt like I was doing a favor for a friend and not like I was presenting a big lie to the world. I approached it like I was doing drag and just laughed and had fun.

    It sounds like you are in a different place. Like 5% of the time you get to be a tomboy, and now here comes this whole hugely public pressure to cram you into the pinnacle of heterosexual conformity. So this isn't going to be fun for you, it's going to be wtf, no one gets me, or accepts me for me.

    Which is a shitty place to be.

    And - from one tomboy to another - it does get better. The world is bigger than your hs, or your parents. Once you get out there, no one is gonna blink at a girl in jeans, chuckies and a hoodie. Or whatever else is your weapon of choice.

    And as you get older, your mom has less influence to dress you. Particularly if you do something like move away for college.

    Back to the present day. I say talk to your parents. Explain to them that you can't do the Homecoming thing. That it's too much pressure - to have all that attention on you, this pressure to be a beauty queen. Tell them it's making you feel self conscious and awful about yourself - to be publicly scrutinized by 100s (thousands?) of people on how beautiful you are.

    Your call if you explain that it's coming from the tomboy angle. Or if you leave it more generic - too much pressure to be pretty.

    Then withdraw your candidacy.

    This kind of stuff - beauty contest stuff - can fuck up the most beautiful, straight, femme girls. You don't need to go down that road.

    Your parents should understand. They shouldn't push you into things that aren't good for you, to live out their dreams. Or as a coping mechanism for dealing with your sexuality.

    If they don't understand, you're just gonna have to pull out the tomboy balls and withdraw anyhow.

    Good luck
     
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  7. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    Bah! Both parents work at the school? I can totally see the downer side here now...

    Let me just share a little story :)

    Up until I was 20, there was no chance in hell anybody could get me in a dress. Makeup I slowly got into when I was like 18 lol... But what I'm trying to say is when I was a kid/teen I was a huge tombody. I never wore dresses, would through full out tantrums as a kid if anybody tried to get me in one... I was convinced I would NEVER wear a dress.

    Then my big brother was going to get married, and I had to be a bridesmade. I had to suck up my neverfuckingwearingadress attitude and wear a bright pink dress. Yes, bright fucking pink lmao! My entire family was floored, I was in a pink dress with makeup and heals.... It was awkward as hell, but I got over it and getting dressed up eventually grew on me.


    Now I actually like getting dressed up in dresses and wearing makeup. Sure I love my jeans and hoodie, but it's not bad to switch things up. Specially if it's only for one day.
     
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  8. Kaiden

    Kaiden Well-Known Member

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    She's going to be pissed about many other things too like any other parent, for obvious reasons; if you avoid one reason, doesn't make any difference. If that event is important to you, dress however you want and your parents, as teachers, should be a good example of tolerance to everyone else.
     
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  9. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Is it possible for you to compromise with your mom? Just pull her aside and say that you want to do a dual shopping with her. Shop for dresses and a suit. But the end you only pick one. This way, she will see you in dresses and you two can bond on some selfies. Tell her this is it, there won't be that many days left that you will be home. Tell her that you love her and you are thankful for her love and care. You want this time to be special even when you are working out a compromise. If saying this is awkward, try writing a note and put it in an invitation card. Parents make mistakes but they love you and will come around eventually.
     
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  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Cracking piece of advice. Due to my Britishness I had to find out what Homecoming is exactly (films and TV talk about it all the time without saying WHAT it is) anywho, I have been in similar things where I've been required to modify what I've worn for others. My sister got married when I was 16 and I was a bridesmaid, I wore a dress, had a girly hair-do and it was the one time I had long nails and even wore nail polish. Since then when I go out and buy formal wear I gravitate towards trousers but there has been the odd occasion where I saw a dress and thought "that's a nice dress and gone on to wear it. That being said, I know where you're coming from when I was a teen my Mum "strongly encouraged" me to be "more of a girl." When this happened it often involved me breaking down in tears as I was uncomfortable trying to conform to what she wanted. I agree with @greylin write how you feel down, it'll be much easier getting your ideas down rather than being interrupted or saying the wrong hurtful thing.
     
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  11. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I think greylin hit it on the head there.

    I'm a tomboy... sometimes people are surprised that I sometimes (but very rarely) wear something girly like the colour pink. My preferred formal attire is a suit as well... is it possible to somehow compromise by wearing something middle of the range as well - like black pants, a really dressy shirt, and a jacket? That way you have more like a pant suit that can also be considered a tad girly. That's what I do when my mum wants me to dress up and she accepts it as a half way point.

    That said, I actually wore a dress to my friend's wedding reception because she's always saying that when I get married she expects me to wear a dress because it'll be the only time she'll catch me wearing one. Usually I go through the mid way point or just wear a suit as formal attire. The first thing she did after entering the room was come up to me because she was so shocked. Her reaction was priceless - even if I had to be in a dress for just a night.
     
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