so i'm sensing the source of the problem is an incomplete and unclear breakup. but there are likely many sources... nevertheless, i'm trapped in my own seventh layer of hell and i don't know what to do. i guess i could say that we broke up a year ago. that was when she decided that she didn't want to have sex with me anymore. neither of us are monogamous, nor were we when we were 'together'. that we could agree on. and i think we could also both agree that i was/am more in love with her than she with me. which definitely put a strain on our relationship. then we've spent the past year, while still living with each other in separate rooms in a collective living situation, trying to rebuild a friendship and negotiate new boundaries. it was so fucking difficult at the beginning and we had lots of resentment towards one another for mistakes made. we've worked really hard to forgive each other and i'm proud of that. though she claims that she has not yet been able to forgive herself and that's an obstacle to getting to where we want to be. and i understand that i need to give space to that feeling, but it's hard for me to understand. as things have gotten better, we constantly want to be close to each other. she wants to cuddle and sleep with me and is very expressive in her commitment to me. she is committed to being partners for a long time. but that cannot and will not include sex. i've tried to come to terms with this, but it's not comfortable for me. and it builds resentment on my part that results in quite regular arguments. and i feel it's a complicated resentment as i am not able to express this need for a type of closeness that i want, as pressuring someone for sex is totally against my politics and ethics. so i start fights about everything else between. it's not pretty. finally yesterday i broke down and expressed how i don't feel like she's meeting me in the middle. that our relationship, that we both take super seriously, causes me some painful feelings when i feel that my partner is repulsed by my body/sexuality. she said that she is not repulsed by me, but sex is that last thing that she wants. she let things get out of hand when we were sleeping together and sees this as the source of the hurt that we caused each other. she also is convinced that there is no way to satisfy me sexually and she cannot deal with that pressure. of course this conversation was unintentionally loaded with pressure, but i didn't know how else to broach the topic but directly. but she says that expressing my dissatisfaction with the lack of sex in our relationship shows how little i appreciate the other ways we care for each other. in the heat of the discussion, she offered to meet me in the middle by having sex once per year. this offer made me feel so stupid and like i was at some court-ordered negotiating table. but maybe i'm just overreacting... but i do feel like a sex-crazed asshole. and i'm sick of empowering my internalized slutshaming tendencies. but i don't know how to get out of this situation. i thought that if we were really committed and we were really in this together, we could find a way to meet in the middle and find a way to talk about sex that wouldn't make me feel like an asshole and we could find a way to get both of our desires met. i guess i'm just naive. i love her in a very important way. i just don't know how to keep holding on to a partner who doesn't want to meet me halfway. i know that i can find sex elsewhere (though that's kinda easier said than done), but i want this kind of closeness with her too. i am not sure if i can find the space within this relationship dynamic to build meaningful relationships with other people. it's too all consuming. but to end things just because of differences in libido also feels shallow. and i wouldn't really know how to end it anyway. i'm stuck. and i feel super lonely in my body. any advice out there???