The friendship zone

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by NJ4, May 23, 2014.

  1. NJ4

    NJ4 Member

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    Hi,

    My girfriend and I have been togheter for about a year now and for about the last two months we're having some problems.
    To me, she's still perfect.. I'm still as crazy about here as I was the first day we where togheter... But, about two months ago, I noticed, she didnt like holding hands as much as we used to, she didn't like to cuddle up in bed as much, she started sitting on the other end of the couch insted of cuddle up against me when watching a movie or so... After a little argument she told me she wasn't really in love with me anymore that she was feeling friendship for me...

    So I broke up with her, without really having a conversation about it... wich I felt really stupit about..
    The day after we split up, she started texting me, wich I asked her not to do... First in the morning about how much she missed me and she couldn't stop crying, so I told her I would talk to her after I finnished my work.. By that time she was doing better, and she started sending me random tekst and pictures like we always did, that drove me crazy... It sort of gave me hope, so we started to talk about it, I asked her if I didn't break up with her to fast without talking about it.. But she said it was better this way.. So I accepted it, feeling a bit better because we at least talked about it.. after that conversation we wished eachother good night and she asked if she could tekst me the next day, to ask if I was doing alright, I said yes... The next morning I was checking my phone like every minute, checking if she'd been online, it drove me crazy, so I texted her that I didn't wan't her to contact me anymore because of the driving me crazy thing... Her response.. "Okay".... "Do you wan't to try it again? I miss you so much!"

    So, now we are trying.. problem is, the only physical contact we have is the hello and goodbye kiss.. She does her best in planning nice things to do, but it does feel like a friendship now, wich is not enough for me.. I am feeling really unsecure now and I barrely have de guts to touch her, because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable with me.. It wont be fun for me either if we are walking hand in hand in the forrest and I have the feeling that all she wants to do is let go off my hand... So, I don't wanna do those thing when I have the feeling she doesn't want to do them.. But how can you change the friendship feeling if you are actually acting as friends... I really don't know what to do or how to act around her..

    Any advice will be welcome!
    Thanks for reading!
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I know people make fun of gay women and talk about the uhaul, and bed death and all that. I would submit that we are just fantastic people who form very deep bonds even when the romance is gone. I think most couples gay or straight go through things like that and have trouble breaking up because they have bonded over a lot of things other than being a romantic couple. With women, I believe that it is a lot more intense so much so people notice it more.

    I am sorry that she has stopped wanting you romantically and is lingering on and making it more painful. I think you need to ask her to be very truthful with you and tell you straight how exactly has her feelings changed. Tell her to be frank and you can take it and maybe you have somewhere to start. Is it looks, is it neglect, is it the sex, is it a life that she really hasn't pictured she would want? Somewhere in there you might find the possibility of a new relationship or the absolute end of a relationship; you might find renewal or closure.

    I would recommend counseling, but sometimes in some situations, I remember our great Moses on the boards here saying something about sitting in front of the fire with a cup of tea and just talk, like really talk. I recommend that with you and your partner and hope that you can find some peace soon. You know that you will be okay and you will be in love again, I wish you well as you go through this.
     
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