The 'Ex' Problem.

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by anonymous147, Jul 21, 2014.

  1. anonymous147

    anonymous147 Member

    Sep 30, 2013
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    Alright you wonderful Afterellen lot, I've got a situation for you for which I am in dire need of your advice - see if you can work this little pickle out!

    It started almost exactly a month ago, and this has probably turned out to be the longest month EVER. I met this girl (duh) at a friends party, well actually I was unwittingly set up by said friend. This girl, let's call her A for dramatic effect, is a blonde, blue eyed beauty. One of those girl you just look at and think, yeah you are pretty darn beautiful, and made even more so by the fact she doesn't really know it. So, we met, we chatted and she was very obviously into me. I'm not usually one to notice when a girl likes me but she made VERY obvious. She got very, very drunk ended up being sick and was just generally a big blonde mess for most of the night. Turns out this mess was caused by the recent break up of her and her idiot ex. Anyway, we ended up just cuddling for the night and chatting until the early hours - but something sparked even when we were stone cold sober at 4am in the morning, there was something between us and it freaked me out a little bit.

    Morning came and then we all went for a hungover breakfast, she made sure she took my number and then we went out separate ways. A few hours later I got a text, a very nice text and so we just started texting. I'm not one to mince my words or play games, if I like you I will tell you. We both said we really wanted to see each other again so I sorted it out and we went for dinner. It was awesome, and she looked amazing. At the end of the night we had a kiss or several and were both like, wow this feels awesome, she continued to text saying how perfect everything was and amazing etc etc it was actually quite refreshing to be on the same page and have someone who was being very honest about how they felt.

    Roll on week 3. Suddenly no contact from her and it turns out that her ex has resurfaced and is causing her issues. Her ex has complete emotional control over this girl and is making her feel like shit. A texts me telling me she is a complicated mess and is at rock bottom etc. I reply saying I understand (when really I'm thinking WHY ARE YOU BEING A STUPID LESBIAN AND KEEPING CONTACT WITH YOU HORRIBLE EX) and that I will back off and give time and space that's needed. 6 hours later I get a text saying she could do with seeing me. What the hell? I replied and the texts have been on and off ever since for the past week. Got a message with a picture of a house (as I said I wanted to buy a project house to show off my terrible DIY skills) with the message this is what we'll get one day... Again, I just laughed at it and was a bit confused - so lesbian right?

    As soon as i got that text I went into protection mode, I only ever text when she texts me and will not initiate any conversations. And you know what, I hear from her pretty much every day.

    She suggested we see each other this weekend, but blew me off last minute then sent a text a few ours later saying she wishes she met me a few months later as she cannot concentrate on someone new right now. She said she thinks I am amazing blah blah blah. I replied and just said I can disappear very easily as I don't really want to be messed around because I do really like A and think she is amazing. She just replied, no please don't disappear.

    Almost there folks! So, today, I find out she is going to an event tomorrow with her ex. Please someone tell me why this is? What this means? Her ex is probably the most selfish, self-centered, abusive idiot and I do not get why A panders to her and is desperate to be her friend so much when she is treated this way. It is driving me mental because this girl is so lovely and deserves just so much better than her (i.e me). Usually I would just be like meh oh well move on, as it's been so little time but I just can't shake this girl off. She has really got under my skin and it's annoying!

    Luckily I don't live close to her or anything and I have a pretty busy life etc so it's not like I'm sat around in my flannel PJs eating ice cream and pining for her, but she is on my mind a lot! I'd just like to know if anyone has experienced with an ex and if it means anything? Am I doing the right things? Do you think she will ever be available or am I being stupid? HELP!
  2. Althena

    Althena Member

    Jul 27, 2014
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    I have been in this position before, only on the other side.
    I would meet amazing women and whenever it started getting serious, I would find a way to invite my ex back into my life. She was sort of my safety blanket and a reason not to open up to loving others. I did this for about 3 years (it was horrible) until I met this girl whom I couln't live without. I guess the trick this time was I had to chase her so there was little time to stop and think of dragging my ex into my new drama.
    Basically, the ball is completely on A's court. If she wants you, she has to come after you. My advice to you is to go out, have fun, and meet people who are available
  3. MizzLadyPants

    MizzLadyPants Well-Known Member

    Oct 3, 2013
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    When someone has a strong emotional hold over you it takes a lot of willpower, and a lot of time apart to get over it- but it doesn't sound like that's happening. If shes not ready to let this chick go, she probably wont. And at this point it sounds like her attention still focused on this chick. I'm sure she does like you; but unfortunately the more toxic the attraction- the stronger the pull.
    Ive done this so many times its not even funny. I was in a long term relationship for five years on & off. Every time I left I always ended up coming back eventually. I will think i'm ready and I can move on, but if your still seeing on another and you still care about each other; moving on it next to impossible.

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