taking a 'break' good or bad?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by leavthesumm, Mar 25, 2020.

  1. leavthesumm

    leavthesumm Member

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    I woke up next to my girlfriend this morning after holding in a feeling I had for a few days. I should've addressed it on the spot, but was too afraid to explode on her.
    First,
    I do not think going through your SOs phone is a safe game. The same way I wouldn't want her to go through mine, I respect that she feels the same. So, we respect the phone thing about each other. She has never really given me a reason to not trust her or think she's cheating, but I do catch her sometimes turning her phone away from me or so I interpret it in that way.....but fail to say something. Some mornings I wake up and she's on it, and as soon as she sees me wake up...she will usually put it down. She says she fully trusts me and is confident in our relationship. She has never cheated in a relationship before....all relatively good signs..right?

    So, sunday morning we were laying in bed and she did have her phone directly in front of me. Meaning she didn't seem to be hiding anything. She was texting an unsaved number and the conversation seemed to be 'catching up type thing' but I honestly hate reading in on her messages so I tried my best to look away. I thought it was weird she didnt have the number saved, but I also realized....I dont have half the numbers on my phone saved. So I shouldn't jump the gun. I let it bother me for the day, with this self quarantine deal, I went home and stayed there for a few days. We of course text throughout the day and because she lives 4 minutes from me invited me to come stay the night. She had been working so I assumed she was at work still. So, I took the invite. I got there rather late and once I crawled into bed I could hear her phone going off the whole time we were laying down kissing and stuff. She finally turned around and silenced it. Shouldve said something--didnt.

    So the next morning we wake up. The usual....toss around....and she reaches for her phone. Kisses me. And tells me shes going back to bed. She leaves the phone sitting at the window's edge and her cat came by a few minutes later and knocked it over. I was on my phone too and she literally fell asleep within seconds. So, I got out of bed a few minutes later and picked it up to plug it back in. When I turned the phone she had a text from that unsaved number and it read: sorry didn't mean to stand you up last night. I got busy with work. We'll reschedule.

    I got this instant headache....(Ive been cheated on before) so most of this relationship has consisted of me convincing myself she's cheating because well...I know part of me self-sabotages. So at this point, its hard for me to trust instinct from fear. So, i get myself dressed. And prepare myself to leave. I try to sneak out and she catches me. She asks what is wrong....and I mention the phone to her. She snaps: did you go through my phone? I explain to her I didn't and that the cat knocked it over. I simply picked it up. She says that its an old family friend, like a brother whom she has told me about before because her parents were foster parents, that she recently was able to locate his number and has been attempting to hang out with him. I hadn't heard her talk about him in months. I then ask her why she hadn't mentioned to me she was going to hang out with him. I really twisted her words and said something about me being a second choice and her inviting me to stay the night out of pitty. (I shouldnt have said that). She never badgers me about who I am with and I dont usually. But lately when we do stay the night together.....we seem disconnected. She suffers from endometriosis and while I've known this, the last few times it appears we're going to get intimate, she pulls the endo card on me. I don't have endometriosis so idk how consistently it comes, but I feel...and it could be crazy me convincing myself she's not attracted to me anymore...like she's lying about this. Ive tried getting her to give me some other version, beg for honesty....she says our sex life is great and it really is just her endo. Again, losing myself.

    So back to the phone thing, so she reassures me its her foster brother and that Im over reacting. Looking back at the situation, I don't know why it bothers me. She catches me texting unknown numbers all the time and has NEVER said anything to me. Again, losing myself. I did want to believe her because when I did read her message that sunday morning I did she her saying things like 'oh dad left the city and is now in ____ and em is in NC.' thats about as much as I read. So when I went back to think about it, it makes sense. Her story makes sense. So why the hell am I so upset about this????

    In truth, the corona thing has left me without a job, delayed my graduation...which has really caused me to cry myself to sleep the last few weeks....and I feel like an emotional little whiney girlfriend. I felt like I was smothering her. And i didnt think it was fair to her. Her and I have really worked through a lot of tough spots. It mostly stems from her mental health and mine, but shes always told me she loves me and wants to be with me. That she wants to fight for us. But this morning, i felt fed up. WITH MYSELF.

    So, I asked her for a break. We established ground rules for the break....two weeks. No sleeping or dating other people. I explained to her that I felt myself losing myself and needed to recenter myself because I felt like I was becoming a crazy girlfriend. Its so easy for me to take things personal from her and I told her it was me and not her. Its not normal for me to feel like this towards her because I do believe she loves me and wants to be with me. I feel stupid for asking for the break, but also know I needed it. I NEED this break to figure my head out without losing myself in her presence. She seemed to understand this and told me she was happy to wait. are breaks always bad? I want her to understand that im doing this for US. and ME. to better my ability to be the girlfriend she deserves. Ive been snapping at her lately and it seems like all I have managed to do lately is make her cry....and she still stays. I dont even know if I will make it two weeks without her. But I feel this is a good move. ANYONE HERE PRO BREAKS? Im not talking about break as in....pre-break ups. I mean a legit break to take time for myself and time for herself. we've got the corona crazies
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think from the feelings you have, it is important for you to take that break to work on yourself. Your feelings are important. I have known people who have taken this time so far to do things or to do nothing at all. When we are having all this lock down social distancing thing she should tell you about her plans to hang out with people or have people over. You both should do that for each other. Maybe that is why you were bothered? This is all new for all of us so don’t be so hard on yourself. The whole world is truly in it together for this one.
     
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  3. Matt

    Matt Member

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    Trust needs to be gained through actions taken by both parties. Trust is a huge thing in a relationship.. if its lost.. its possible it will never return.

    You broke her trust by reading the phone... it's really that simple.

    My question is why did she snap?? Is she young? Shit I have full bore over my girlfriend phone and she does mine.

    Sometimes in the am she will be in it and turn it away from me. So what lol.. she could be looking at something she didn't want me to see... shit I do the same...

    Look at your relationship as a whole... there are likely alot of great things overlooked due to jealous and insecurity.

    Dont kill a good thing... man up.. let the chips fall where they may.. the fact she has to justify her cell use to you is not all that great friend

    Iv never heard of breaks being a good thing.. really... I think you need to get your shit together tho... if you care for her stop acting like a Jack ass imo. Show her you care, be there for her and be consistent in your actions. Man up bro.. Corona is no excuse to act like a pussy..
     
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    Last edited: May 7, 2020

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