Sudden breakup after a perfect relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by SA 21, Nov 22, 2013.

  1. SA 21

    SA 21 Member

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    Hello everyone..

    I have been posting my story on many sites, even this one.. And I still feel so lost and in need of support.

    I feel very weak, unable to write anymore and seek any answers, but I feel completely empty and devastated.

    It has been 4 months since my girlfriend broke up with me. It is the longest period I did not hear from her, and I really feel like she will never come back to me..

    We've had a beautiful, perfect relationship.. and she broke it off suddenly, without telling me the reason…
    At first I was desperate, lost, and I had been asking her why she broke it off, and trying to put the pieces together and eventually understand her decision, but I still do not understand. She was perfectly happy with me, and our whole relationship, and just a week before she broke it off, she texted me saying how she loves me and wants to keep on building our relationship and future.

    Her parents then forbid her everything, she had no contact with anyone, they did not realize she was gay or anything, but that whole situation frightened her to death. She became cold, emotionless, after the breakup she has been very cruel to me, acting like she never knew me at all and like it was always meant to end one day.

    I feel how unhappy she is, she wrote that she could not be with me, even if I was her true soul mate” and then she said she does not feel the same for me anymore.. Like love could end in just 2 month's time…

    We shared deep feelings for each other, a deep connection and affection, our love was true and pure.. and I still feel that she loves me, but I feel like she did bury all her emotions in order to be “a good daughter” to her parents, and “a better friend” to her friends…
    She told me she does not want to be in any relationship anymore, and she wants to study, be around her friends more etc… I never forbid her any of it, nor did i control her… She always chose to be around me rather than around her friends, and she would always run to me from her parents and friends as well.. Seeking sincerity and shelter.. And now she is acting like she needs them more than she ever needed me in her life….

    We have gone through a lot in our relationship, we've had our ups and downs like everyone else does.. But we were always equally happy and we felt blessed with each day because we would share it with each other…
    It might all sound dull now, but the love we have shared was beyond everything we have ever felt..
    I never felt so safe, loved and blessed before.. It is the most pure feeling and the vastest part of my soul…

    I was, and still am her only true friend, just like she is mine… We shared more feelings, stories and depth with each other in two years than with anyone we have known our whole lives…

    I feel like I will never be happy again… She gave my life a meaning.. she became my shadow, each and every breath I took.. and still take…

    Even during our hardest days, we could always make each other smile and push one another towards our goals and dreams… I was the only light in her days.. just like she was in mine…

    She is certainly unhappy with this whole situation as well…
    I tried texting her, and she never said goodbye, nor that she wishes happiness for me.. She broke it off like I was the worst thing that has ever happened to her…. Which hurt me dreadfully…

    She is now acting like everything that she despised not so long ago… and is trying to find meaning in unimportant and superficial things.. I am sure that she is just as lonely as I am.. but it seems like she will never return to me…

    After a lot of analyzing and thinking about this whole situation.. I believe that she is just under deep coercion, she gave up on her ideal.. on everything she once loved and cared for passionately and truly, in order to live safer.. I believe that love can not vanish… either she never loved me honestly, or she still does, but does not want to admit it…

    And I have felt her love each and every day… She was so open and honest with me, she was free and confident like she never was with anyone else… Everyone said how she had changed and seemed truly happy… And I always knew it was not “being in love” but loving someone…

    I felt the serenity within her… Like she was right where she always wanted to be…
    And she would always tell me just how happy she is… and how she would die inside without me…

    It was just ” too perfect to be true”.. But it was true…. and the breakup was so sudden.. It broke my heart and mind…

    I asked her if she could tell me that she does not love me anymore… and she answered with ” Why would I tell you that?”… Not once did she say anything like that, nor that she will never come back to me… I feel like this is just a period.. but I fear that time will push her even more away from me…

    If her wish is to never return to me.. the least she could do is tell me why… so I could move on as well one day.. even though I know I will never move on…

    She will always be the only person I have ever loved and cared for from the depths of my heart…

    I have realized that I loved her truly.. and still do… I did not love her because she was always there by my side… nor because she was the person I was planning my future with.. but I love her for the person she truly is… I love every side of her mind and heart… I have seen the worst and the most beautiful part of her… and I love every bit of it.. Everything about her…

    She is perfection to me… The most inspiring, sincere and the kindest person I know…
    She is happiness and fulfillment to me… and the meaning of my true existence…

    People always say how you should never make someone the center of your life and world… and usually I would agree… But this time it is all different…
    I see no point in seeing the world, living and experiencing anything if I will keep it locked up, and be unable to share it with the only person I love and trust…

    I would rather stay by her side and feel utterly happy.. than live a life without her…
    I used to tell her how I do not fear death anymore, but a life without her in it…

    And it was always the truth…

    Still.. I only wish her happiness and love.. even if it means sacrificing my own well-being and happiness… And she knows that I feel that way…

    But as long as I feel like she truly loves me and is unhappy and lying to herself, abandoning her own ideals and dreams… I can not give up on her and all the beauty and happiness we have shared… and could still share…

    Wanting to be more around your friends, family, studying and improving yourself are just not good enough reasons to break up a relationship like the one we've had… And she was free to do all of it, throughout our whole relationship.. and still chose to be around me all the time.. and now to give up on true love and be all alone…

    I just can not understand why… and I truly feel like she loves me, and always has with all of her heart and soul… So all of this is so strange to me…



    I feel very lost, helpless… I wish I knew the truth, and why she is doing all of this…
    If anyone was or is in a similar situation.. or has any sort of advice and opinion.. please let me know…

    I could really use some help… Or just kind words…

    I am sorry for this very long post…
    And I thank you all in advance…
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: Sudden breakup after a perfect relationsh...

    Dear SA21:

    I apologize for not remembering any previous comments I made and repeating things here. What you had with her and how you saw her, how you still see her, is beautiful. I would find such coming together of two people divine.

    You keep saying she did not give an explanation, but I think she did; that is, she is having to find her place in a very homophobic environment and she has to give up being with a woman. As perfect as what you had and how she is to you, you can't put her on a pedestal and expect her not to succuumb to the pressures. Some can withstand all that and live honestly as a gay person, some can't. I seem to remember where you live it is probably not that safe at all for her to come out as gay. I think her answer is quite clear to you. As to how she is treating you now and saying that she wanted to concentrate on her friends and school, that is a self-soothing thing. She needs to keep that mantra in her mind and shun what she had with you in order to handle this.

    Please let go of her and don't press her. She has made a decision and she is not coming back. I feel for you because I had been in something similar, where I felt like a leper when someone decided to shun me completely because of my orientation. It is hard not to take it personally and it is hard to believe that you are still the wonderful person she smiled daily at once. But you got to believe that you are good, you are romantic, you are loving and you will love again, with someone who has the constitution to live honestly. Please let go of this so you don't deny yourself and your future love a really good life. *hugs*
     
    #2
  3. Frost

    Frost Active Member

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    Re: Sudden breakup after a perfect relationsh...

    Dear SA21,

    i don't know if i will make sense we're on the same situation right now...and all we can do is to move on...i don't know how and where to start and its killing me.... im going through the Kubler ross model 5 stages of grief DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING,DEPRESSION,ACCEPTANCE.......which i'm still in the denial and bargaining stage....(just wanna share)

    DENIAL- Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defense mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored.
    ANGER - Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgmental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.
    BARGAINING-Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death or break up can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.
    DEPRESSION -Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.
    ACCEPTANCE- Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.

    i hope in time.....we can honestly say that we already moved on....i don't know how long it will take for us to fully accept it.
     
    #3

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