stuff makes me sad

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Maison Clicquot, Oct 20, 2013.

  1. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

    Sep 10, 2013
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    I am 20 y.o and haven't mastered the art of communication. I can't lower my standards so I'm going to die a virgin. Will I be the first one on this Earth to die because of that ?
  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    Let's crash this pity party.

    1) Should you die a virgin, you will not be the first.

    2) You are not an old maid; I was deliberately celibate at 20 and thought of myself as a virgin, although I had had some initial and not terribly positive experiences before that. At 21, I started dating again. At 23, I fell hard in love. At 27, I am engaged to the sweetest girl I've ever known. You are hardly stamped with failure because of where you are at the tail end of your adolescence; you have a whole bunch of life left to not die a virgin.

    3) You don't know how to communicate yet. Okay - YET. This is a thing that you can learn to do. People grow through effort and intentionality, and if becoming a better communicator is a thing that you want, you have agency over your life and can make choices to help you do that. There are resources, there are opportunities, there are meetups for people who want to be more social. If you think of your situation as something that is happening to you, you will be unhappy and unable to take action. If you think of it as something that you are doing, something within your locus of control, you will be able to take steps to make it better.
  3. MakeMeLaugh

    MakeMeLaugh Well-Known Member

    Aug 7, 2013
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    I agree with the person above me. 20 years old and a virgin ='s not a big deal. Now in terms of lowering your standards. No one should have to lower their standards IF they have reasonable standards. Also having a checklist for your prospective love interest is swimming in murky waters. You should absolutely have standards, but if you start critiquing everyone without getting to know someone you will find that you are missing out on meeting potentially great people. At 20 years old I knew there were some things that were not going to bring about a positive influence/experience in my life so I steered away, but for the most part I had a very open mind when meeting people and found that some of the "standards" I thought were necessary in a partner really were not. There are core standards that I hope to find in a woman (ie: honest, hard working, open minded) but after that I really just got to know people and now I am in the very best relationship I could have ever hoped for.
  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    Ditto to the above posters. I''ll add this….to love someone, you must first love yourself. And I'm not saying that you don't..but take a moment. Really think about why you've been unable to communicate. Is it you? The people with whom you're surrounding yourself? You've every right to be picky and have standards…but, make sure you're ready to take the next steps when you find someone worthy.

    Girl -- you've got so much ahead of you. Embrace the moment as an opportunity to not only learn more about yourself..but to find someone -- and not a random someone -- with whom to grow. We've all had missteps, hurdles, been awkward..and guess what? That's life…what you do with it is entirely up to you.

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