Straight, bisexual or simply lost in my 30s?

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by Lady Godiva, Feb 29, 2016.

  1. Lady Godiva

    Lady Godiva Active Member

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    What is it a "coming out" girls? How is it to be done? And when? I mean.. I am getting completely lost in "this L world" I got in touch with and now, I am spending a lot of time thinking about me, my past, my present, my everything.. But found no answer yet.. So, I can't avoid asking me: is there any response out in space, or life, sometimes, just brings into play the most and it's up to us to decide what to let it and what to let out?
    Why am I writing this way? Cause I thought was walking peacefully along my way (straight way with a companion), when she stepped out unexpectedly and there I found myself (over time) to have to admit to be feeling confused: do I like girls? Am I bisexual? (both to myself, my man and the LGBT common friends I shared with SHE)..

    I would love not to feel this way, believe me. but no matter how hard I try, as soon as I let down the guard, whop! here we come and so I find myself thinking of her: what would I have done if.. (as someone of you already asked me), what did I expect from, but above all, what I was left by this adventure? An amazing set of sensations was left! An open door on a new whole personal dimension which scares me as much as it attracts me! This crush made me feel at last in contact with myself, also in the group of friends I could finally be myself without being teased or feel observed for being a boyish woman.

    The "problem" now is that I find myself pleased by ( = attracted, curious, wondering about bodies, sex with..) a similar (to HER) type of woman (butch style) and thus I can not comprehend if this is only a "leftover" of the disappointment I got from her or if that is about a side of my personality that I kept closed in for years.. I know that for many of you hearing such things could seem impossible, but there was no internet when I was a teenager but a strong family and religious environment where girls had to be girls and boys had to be boys. I still recall (very well) the pain when classmates in secondary school where mocking me because of my look and passions (soccer, war games, fishing, hard-work, hockey..) Just unbelievable to many today..

    And now? Now I regularly attend the gym and wear short black hair. How do I feel? Like never before!! I adore everything about my look and my body. I feel greater with myself and with my thoughts now that ten years ago. And although sometimes I regret not having felt this way before, I guess there is always a reason in things and perhaps this was the right time to "grow", this the city, this the new environment.

    In any case, I need to figure out who I am. What should I do girls? How can I say/state/find out if this looking at girls feeling strange is just such a time, or if all these changes occurred really do mean anything? I still find men attractive, so if it were, I would be bisexual.. Twice as many emotions to handle so? Two parallel universes to choose? Oh mine, what a mess..! o_O o_O:):)
     
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  2. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    From what I get, you are comfortable in your skin in terms of looks and are free to enjoy the things you enjoyed before-sports etc. Why not imply that attitude towards your sexuality? You're a grown woman, you earn your own money, you have a place to live. In terms of that your life could be considered at least as "decent".
    I feel like you should go and explore. You find men attractive but you find women attractive (judging from the way you described HER) so unless you go and explore, you'll never know whether it's only to her or to women in general.
    Also-don't hurry to label yourself. Sexuality for some people can/is fluid so if you declare yourself bisexual right now, later you may find that unsuitable for you. Sexuality is also a mess no matter the age-yeah, it's usually in our teens when we realize we're this or that but it's also possible to realize later (like you). A person's always changing in order to become what they really are.
     
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  3. Lady Godiva

    Lady Godiva Active Member

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    Yeah, I agree with you. The "problem", however, is that I have a companion and that represents, indeed, some sort of a limit. I have to say that he is very relaxed about the topic but you know: one thing is to listen to something, an other one is to face it. So, now, it can happen that I really want to give it a try and live this entire thing 100% but I push myself back instead because of my present relationship. I mean.. This is so much struggling cause I know I can't say whether I like cakes or not without tasting them! But how can I taste cakes if I can't enter the bakery? That is why I was checking if someone else here ever faced such a "coming out situation".. Sure, it is much better finding things out before 18..
     
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  4. Lady Godiva

    Lady Godiva Active Member

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    I'm listening to Papa Don't Preach.. How many steps forward women walked!! Amazing.
     
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  5. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    Well-either you break up with him or you stay with him. There's nothing in between. If open relationships were okay, you could've tried one but I personally don't believe in them.
     
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  6. Lady Godiva

    Lady Godiva Active Member

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    I'm not looking for an open relationship, but do not know .. it is very difficult to explain 'cause at times it feels as if there were two personalities within me: one satisfied and the other just been rediscovered and full curiosity. And as I wrote earlier, if indeed this lesbian friendship and this environment have uncovered a repressed side of my personality, I would like to try to live it one day or another. I know that such words might sound a little selfish, but see them more like an internal need to understand who I am. Of course, open relationships do not make sense. And that is why it is so difficult when you are over 30s I guess.. I hope there are other people with a similar situation in the forum for an exchange of good practices :D
     
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  7. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Open relationships make sense to some people but I understand not to you. Are you in a long distance relationship with your man who is not a baker? Then I would suggest that you need to face him and see how you really feel about him. Then maybe you can talk openly about what you really want and are going through. You have been open with him about it so far and you have risked everything with your relationship and I am guessing you told him this long distance? So this must be really important for you and important for you to find out. Skype is not the same as in person.

    I knew this couple where the guy found another woman irresistible, he got his "pass" from his partner to go and be with her and at one point he had both women but then he ended up with none because his partner gave the ok just to keep him but couldn't stand it after all when it really happened. And the new girl was kind of unstable to begin with and dropped him when he was no longer a challenge. What I am saying, is that once you have tasted cake, your man will know that you have tasted cake while you have been a co-owner of his spaghetti place and he may not forgive you for it. There are men who can and find it intriguing like the movies but I think, with a lot of men when it really really happens to them, they will not get over it. Now, this has been going on for a while, does you man talk to you about this every so often? How does he really react to this?

    Further more, it will be hard to find work in a quality bakery when they know you have a full time job in a spaghetti restaurant.
     
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