'Straight' best friend.

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Heartonmysleeve, Dec 4, 2016.

  1. Heartonmysleeve

    Heartonmysleeve New Member

    Aug 23, 2016
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    So I'm extremely close to a 'straight girl' who I would now consider my best friend.
    We text all day everyday and spend a lot of time doing things just the two of us.

    She's started coming to gay events with me and seems to ask a lot of questions when it comes to lesbian sex and having a gaydar etc.
    She said she's never been in love with a guy and she's also not been very interested in sex with guys in the past that she would rather just not have any at all.

    I am absolutely besotted with her because she would be the perfect partner and we have so much in common but I have tried to step back a little bit and it doesn't seem to work.

    She sometimes asks if I'm taking her out for dinner and calls me when she's drunk to see where I am.
    We are both mid 20s and I have been in serious relationships in the past but I really can't help myself falling for her.

    I feel like our texts to each other are flirty and we tell each other we miss each other all the time if it's been longer than a week.
    She knows I'm gay so I'm wondering if she knows deep down what she's messing with or if it might just be an attention thing or not.

    She even cancelled a date recently with a guy so we could go for dinner.

    Just wondered if anyone had any ideas on how I should approach it.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    If you already feel that way, and you can't help how you feel then ask her if there is any chance you guys could go out on a real "date" because you think she is fantabulous. If she replies, "no" then you thank her for telling you straight and that you will be a good friend to her like before. If she replies "yes" then take it real slow and show up with some old fashioned token like rose or a basket of oranges or something. Ok, skip the oranges. Anytime you tell a straight girl who is questioning, it is a risk that you could lose that friendship as it was. Anytime you tell a gay girl, it is a risk you could lose an important body part because most likely she is taken. Life is full of risks, but sometimes when you can't confront what you want, you risk losing an opportunity to love or simply a way to clear things up for yourself.
  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I think the best approach is to be honest. You can't control her behavior, but you can control your own. And you can try to set some boundaries.

    It is easy to get fixated on the other person - are they gay, they said this or that, they did x,y,z. But that puts us in the trap of just reacting and giving the other person all the power.

    So, take the power and initiative back. Ask yourself - are you willing to take the risk that 1) she might not be gay 2) she might be gay, but she might struggle with coming out 3) she might be gay, but not want to date you? If you are not willing to risk winding up losing her as a friend if she is straight and freaks out, or losing her as a friend if she is gay but goes deep in denials-vile then don't go there. If you aren't willing to risk winding up as her dirty little secret - then don't try anything with her. Just set a boundary with her 'no, these aren't dates, yes, I am seeing other women, yes, you and I are only friends.' If it is too confusing having her flirt with you either ignore the flirty texts, or ask her to stop them.

    But if you are willing to risk major drama and heartbreak - then go for it with her. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Just ramp up the texting and the flirting. And next time she asks if it is a date, tell her 'it's a date if you want it to be a date.' But don't have sex with her when she is drunk / both of you are drunk. If she really is attracted to you, she will eventually sleep with you sober, just be patient. You don't want a drunken sex, morning after freak out thing.

    Generally, I don't advocate trying to date 'straight' or 'supposedly straight but closeted' girls. It usually doesn't end well. The odds are much greater that it will end in flames than that it will end in a happy relationship. That being said, your appetite for risk and my appetite for risk may be totally different.

    Good luck and keep us updated.
    greylin likes this.

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