Straight best friend wants help with cheating...

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Techie23, Dec 21, 2013.

  1. Techie23

    Techie23 Well-Known Member

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    Ever since this past summer, my best friend, who is straight and married with two kids, has thought that her husband had cheated on her with a co-worker of his. They were texting, he was staying out late, even told my bestie that he wanted a divorce from her at one point. He insisted he didn't cheat, physically, but she isn't sure what to believe. The co-worker isn't around right now, it was a seasonal job on her end. The husband works at a very large waterpark resort, which is very busy in the summer. My bestie has been in therapy to try and let go of some of her insecurities and move past her trust issues but she is having a very hard time getting past this because she just doesn't know whether he did anything or not. This co-worker will probably work at the resort with her hubby once again come summertime. My bestie has asked me what I think about the whole thing, which to be honest, I don't want to say one way or another. I think he acted very suspiciously and has treated her like shit a lot of the time, but I don't know whether or not he actually cheated. She has kinda hinted to me that she would really like to find out if he did or not and I don't really know how to help. I had read somewhere about some wife thought her husband was cheating and posted on craigslist for anyone who possibly had information to contact her and she offered a reward for legit info about an affair. I don't know what to tell her. If I was in her shoes, I would want to know as well but I don't know how to help. Any suggestions?
     
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  2. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    Re: Straight best friend wants help with chea...

    Damn these movies, what they do to people..
     
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  3. Dalo

    Dalo Well-Known Member

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    Re: Straight best friend wants help with chea...

    I think the more important question is: why should your friend stay married to someone she doesn't trust, that treats hers like shit and makes her feel insecure?
    If my wife suspected me of cheating, and I didn't, I would do everything thing in my power to show her that I loved her and would never be interested in someone else.
     
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  4. Techie23

    Techie23 Well-Known Member

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    Re: Straight best friend wants help with chea...

    That's kinda what I think but I don't want to just say "He's a jerk, he's a jerk to you and to the kids and you will never come first to him. I get that he is the father of your children but somewhere in here, you gotta decide if you wanna be happy or miserable the rest of your life, and what do you want to put your kids through?" Am I allowed to say that?
     
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  5. Dalo

    Dalo Well-Known Member

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    Re: Straight best friend wants help with chea...

    Yes, you're allowed to say that, as long as it's your sincere opinion. Some people get so used to being treated poorly, they forget what true love and happiness should look like. No matter her decision, she will probably know deep down that you're right. Due to her insecurity issues, she might end up staying with him, unless she gathers her courage. This however doesn't mean that you should encourage any behavior/decisions that are clearly not in her best interest.
     
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  6. Techie23

    Techie23 Well-Known Member

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    Re: Straight best friend wants help with chea...

    I asked her once whether or not she would want her daughter to be with someone who treats her like my bff's husband treats her and she said, very emphatically, NO! I think she does think that it's okay for her to be treated like crap because when I try and tell her that she deserves better, she will argue with me, that maybe it's just her. I just want her to be happy, and to be treated with the respect and love she deserves. And if she doesn't get that from her husband, then she needs to find someone who will.
     
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  7. Shannon1981

    Shannon1981 Well-Known Member

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    Re: Straight best friend wants help with chea...

    I am tempted to be like "stay out of it." It never bodes well to get involved in the romantic affairs of others. However, I know you want to help your best friend. Don't help her sneak or stalk her husband, though. Help her figure out whether or not she wants to stay in this marriage. With the limited information we have here, my gut instinct is a resounding "no." However, we don't know the whole story. Get the whole story (or you may already have it, I don't know), and help her figure out if divorce might not be her best option. Good luck! You're a good friend for taking this on. And, through all of this, don't forget to take care of you as well, and don't be afraid to say if/when it gets to be too much for you to take on.
     
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  8. Techie23

    Techie23 Well-Known Member

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    Re: Straight best friend wants help with chea...

    Thank you for that! I don't want to get too far into this with her, scared that I'm going to say the wrong thing and she will get too defensive and think that I want her to divorce him but I just want her to be happy and she isn't. She told me around Christmas time that she told him to stay home from one of her families xmas parties because all he thinks about is himself. That if he wanted to be miserable, she was refusing to let him make her unhappy as well anymore and that if he wanted to be that way, then she was done taking it. I asked her recently how things were and she said that they were somewhat better but she also said that that is usually what happens if she speaks up a little, he backs off and then starts making her feel awful again. I know she's worried about her kids not having a father around because she comes from a broken home herself, but I just want to tell her that sometimes, parents work better when they aren't together. Kids can tell when their parents aren't happy and rather than stay together for the sake of the kids, split up for their sake. No one wants to see their parents be miserable and fighting all the time. I don't want to push her but I also want her to know that she does have the right to be happy and maybe she would be happier without him.
     
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  9. Shannon1981

    Shannon1981 Well-Known Member

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    Re: Straight best friend wants help with chea...

    She has to come to the point where she realizes that she needs to leave him on her own. No one can do that for her. Just be there for her at this point, and, again, remember to take care of you as well.
     
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