Still confused about her

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Danielle01, Dec 11, 2016.

  1. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    So I posted a while ago about a straight friend in my head things seem like flirting so we hung out recently and I was texting so she asked who I was talking which she has done a few times before so ignored that then I walked her home like I always do and she always links arms that ain't a clue cos all girlie girls do that it's the telling me she loved me and got upset when didn't say it back as wasn't sure to make a fool of myself as ya do then as we got to hers we stood talking just random stuff about wishes bizzar i know lol so then she said my wish came true the day I met u well yet again didn't know what to say but said mine to as I belive it did then she said her brother thinks where together cos she always talks about me I don't know if it's only because we had a drink it's all very confusing, sorry for the paragraph just need help advice anything would help ☺
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I want to paraphrase the old advice you got from the other thread, which is, your straight friend shouldn't be saying all these things to you or throwing hints. Nor should she act like you owed her an "I love you". I know mates, friends say those things back and forth and would act all hurt if one doesn't say it back. But she had established a boundary with you that she is straight and not interested. If you want more with a woman, don't waste time with her. Unless, this is all you ever want. And, please don't listen to a word soaked in alcohol.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Some people like attention -- more than they like the people from whom they're getting attention. It seems that's what she wants from you if she's already made it clear she's straight. The more you entertain her, the more she gets off on it....

    Don't waste your efforts on someone who won't or can't reciprocate.
     
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  4. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    You're confused because she is being confusing. In all unclear situations, I am a big fan of asking for answers from the person who can give them. Namely, her.

    "Hey, I know that you identify as straight, but your behavior is consistently flirty and sending some mixed messages. Are you interested in something more than friendship?" If yes: you have your answer. If no: "Well, then I really need you to cool it on the flirtation and respect that boundary, or we need to spend less time together."

    There is no magic code. Ask for the answers you want, and remember than an unwillingness to have the conversation is also a kind of answer.
     
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  5. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    Thanks guys things git more complicated as we went out again few days ago and she kissed me 3 time's nothing more but now seems not to remember but got highly jealous when she thought I was seeing someone but it's OK for her to talk to someone I'm done with this but cant help how she makes me feel.
     
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  6. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Well, this is a good place for self control.

    If she says she can't remember kissing you then either she was a) black out drunk or b) remembers but is closeted and therefore lying. Either way, the kisses don't really count, because she isn't integrating them into how she feels about you 24-7. She either isn't really into you, but just did something impulsive while shitfaced drunk. Or, she closeted and is waking up the next day playing with you, instead of saying 'yup, I like you, let's kiss again.'

    Neither one is a good situation for you to pursue. So, self control.

    There are lots of things that make us feel good - from drugs to skipping school or work, to telling people off, to shopping therapy, to starting drinking at breakfast time. But we don't do them, or don't do them often, because they have bad consequences.

    She is the same deal. Does it feel good when she kisses you - yes. Do you have a crush on her - sounds like it. Is the chase fun - usually.

    But is this likely to be good for you? No. She sounds like someone who can't deal with her feelings in any kind of an honest way. She plays games - being passive aggressive instead of facing the real issue(s) directly. Honestly? She sounds really immature - like a high school girl who throws a fit because you hung out with some different friends for a night. I half expect her to pass you a note, or some sophomore bullshit like that.

    People don't usually radically change their personalities. If she is immature and plays games today, she is likely to do so tomorrow and next month and next year. Given her emotional make up- if she isn't queer and is just messing with you for attention she likely will continue to mess with you for attention. That is until someone comes along who gives her more attention (like a bf) or until you get sick of the drama. If she is queer, she doesn't remotely have the tools to deal with coming out.

    She may, however, hook up with you while drunk (or claiming to be drunk) - then freak out the next day, like you are some big horrible predator that took advantage of you. Seeing as she can't / won't deal with kissing you - she certainly can't won't deal with banging you. And that whole thing would be a messy shitshow for you.

    And even is she were by some miracle to come out and start dating you / being fwb / whatever - then what? Great, you would be dating a girl who is immature, petty and gets black out drunk. What kind of prize is that? Seriously, there are way better girls out there.

    I think you have become hooked on the chase, without really thinking about the end goal. What would it really be like to date this girl or have fwb with her? Wouldn't it just be more immaturity, attention seeking behavior and drama?

    So - pull out the self control - chasing her feels good, but it is not good for you.
     
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  7. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    I totally get your points and I think you might be right best to leave the situation alone instead of trying to figure her out to see if she is just out for it for a game so I'll walk away before I end up hurt and looking stupid.
     
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