Starting a family help

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Shay_ct, Jun 20, 2018.

  1. Shay_ct

    Shay_ct New Member

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    Me and my girlfriend have been together for 8 years and we are ready to start a family but, we dont know where to start I came here to see if they are lesbian couples with experience to see if they can give us some guidence thank you all
     
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  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    My wife and I are also planning on starting a family, and are in the process now. Broadly, the choice for us came down to: pregnancy via insemination, adoption through foster care, and private adoption. Each of these avenues has different challenges and benefits, and what you pursue and how depends very much on your values, your budget, and your capacity.

    The first thing we've thought about is some crossover of our budget and our desire to have a baby (as in, a pregnancy, a newborn, etc). Even minimal fertility interventions (insemination) are expensive when done medically. For us, we decided that we are interested in having a baby, but will draw the line at any step beyond basic insemination and pursue adoption through foster care. We are also open to becoming foster parents and having our own biological children (ie, a blended family).

    Next, we need to decide if we want to work with an anonymous donor (via a sperm bank) or a known donor (either at home or through a doctor's office). If we work with a known donor, we need to protect ourselves, medically and legally, by making sure all required tests are done and our donor forfeits parental rights through an air-tight donor agreement.

    To get ready to inseminate, we began tracking fertility information (period, cervical fluid, basal body temperature, cervix position) so that we have a good 6 months record to inform when we inseminate for the best chance of success. There are apps to help with this (I use Kindara), and basal thermometers are available at the pharmacy. You need to take your temperature in the first few minutes of waking up, without getting up.

    We live in New England, and Fenway Health has some really great resources for queer parents: www.fenwayhealth.org.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    From a legal perspective you also need to ensure that when you're thinking of the future then you have plans in place for what should happen if something bad happens...i.e. wills, advanced directives, etc....once you have a child, you'll need to think about this stuff.

    Also -- you will want to think about whether you want an anonymous donor or someone you know..and what that person's involvement will be when the child is born (this can get really ugly if boundaries are not set and the road to hell is always paved with good intentions). Once the child is born, you also need to make sure that both you and your wife/partner are recognized as legal parents...Although marriage is now a resolved issue, each state's laws are different...will your state require a 2nd parent adoption to recognize legal status for BOTH parents if both parents aren't the biological parents?

    You may want to consult with a family law attorney in your state -- this process can be pricey; however, the alternative is that it will be even pricier if/when things ever become an issue after the fact.
     
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