So this is heartbreak...

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by captain12, Dec 3, 2013.

  1. captain12

    captain12 Member

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    I've been dating my first girlfriend (and really the only relationship I've cared about) for just over three years now. As of lately, she's seemed like a different person. More selfish and putting me second if I'm on the radar at all. I chalked it up to my being needy/ difficult and tried to brush things off. My instincts flashed so many warning signs but I ignored them all.

    The weekend after our three year anniversary she confessed that she doesn't think she sees a future with me anymore. Her words were, "It's not that I couldn't be happy with you, I just think I could be happier." She says somethings missing. If I could pick the words that would hurt me the most those would be the ones. She had been talking to her ex (also former close friend) who proclaimed his love for her for the fourth time since we've been together. She said she didn't necessarily want to be with him but if she second guessed obviously something wasn't right between us.

    It's been rough because she doesn't really know what she wants but doesn't think she can figure it out if we're together. She got drunk one night and said she's second guessing ending things but when I asked her about it later she said I seem like a good idea when she's drunk but when she sobers up and she knows it might not be best. I genuinely believe part of her wants us to work. Her parents are split and she's never really seen herself spending forever with someone until she met me. I can't help but think that at 3 years she freaked a little.

    After heartbreak and talks we finally got to a place where we were having fun again. We still didn't have a title but for the first time in a long time I didn't feel like I was having anxiety attacks every moment and she actually seemed into me. We had scheduled a couples therapy date but it isn't until later in the month.

    On Sunday she left with her friend to Vegas and I got a text today saying her ex showed up and she wanted to let me know. He had been saying he was going to go but she had told him she wasn't changing her trip for him ( as far as I know based on what she told me). I'm shaken and distraught. Really?!? I had a bad gut feeling especially with the lack of texting since she's been there but I figured she was just busy and casinos don't really have great service. I'm trying to calm myself down but I can't. I just want things to be fixed so badly. Going through a break-up has been eating me alive. We moved away from all our friends and family to start a life together in a state across country. I have very few friends and even talking to them only helps minimally because it feels like no one really understands. I want to put my foot down and if I was an outsider I'd tell myself to be strong but every fiber of my being tells me to fight for her.

    How to I pick sides between my head and my heart? When does this get easier? How do I get back to where we were? I appreciate any comments. Okay. Sorry for the long rant. I've just never been through this and I feel so alone.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry I had not caught your post until just now. What a bad couple of days you must be having! I am sorry for what she is putting you through. She is having doubts in the relationship and she is acting foolishly in my opinion and risking what you two have together. She could have talked it over with you instead of her ex who still wants her. She could have taken you to therapy before running off. She is not doing her best for the commitment that you have with each other.

    The only heartbreaking thing to do is to let her go completely. It will take time for your heart to catch up with your head. You do need a friend and if you can afford it, take a trip yourself. She might realize she'd been rash or foolish down the road but you can't count on that anymore.

    Stay strong, Captain12.
     
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  3. xboxxerr

    xboxxerr New Member

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    She could have taken you to therapy before running off. She is not doing her best for the commitment that you have with each other.
     
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  4. LPretreat

    LPretreat Active Member

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    I've been through something similar :( and it was really tough. But I sat down one day and instead of listening to my head or my heart, I went with my gut feeling. Deep down you know what is best for you. Unfortunately sometimes it's the hardest choice. Three years is a long time, but don't ever forget that you deserve someone who is certain about you. This girl sounds very confused, which is also a hard position and I don't think its easy for her either. At least she cared enough to be honest with you, it definitely shows character. It's sad but people do fall out of love randomly. Sometimes you head in opposite directions of the person you're with, but don't be too discouraged. Every relationship you'll ever have will teach you something valuable whether it be good or bad. I really do hope things get better for you, so stay strong and remember that you deserve someone who wants you just as much as you want them.
     
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  5. runhappy

    runhappy New Member

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    Trust me when I say this.. that ex is around for a reason. She's entertaining him and keeping him invested. No person chases another person who is completely unavailable. Kick her to the curb or she's going to hurt you for real.

    She's talking to that ex and probably telling him she loves him.

    I went through a similiar experience with an ex. She would tell me and show me all the texts but would always delete her replies. Finally I confronted the ex and the ex told me that she was being strung along.
     
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