So, I want to avoid issues with do I handle this smoothly?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Copperhead, Sep 2, 2019.

  1. Copperhead

    Copperhead Active Member

    Jul 5, 2013
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    Hello ladies.

    I have a situation which is very new to me and I need some advice.

    There is a girl at work that I find really attractive and an opportunity to approach her just presented itself but I do not know how to make the first step. In the past, when I have flirted and hooked up with girls before, I have actually met them in person first and took it from there to text messages and hanging out but in this case, this is someone with whom I have not spoken just yet but she already knows I am attracted to her.

    My best friend is a popular guy at work and he asked her if she likes women, to which she said yes, and he told her a friend of his (that would be me) thought she was attractive and he asked her is she was single. She asked if it was someone from work, he said yes and sent her my picture. She replied "Yes, I do know who she is" and "No, I am not dating anyone". I cannot jump to any conclusions based on that answer alone but, he did tell her he was going to tell me to speak to her and that was the end of the conversation.

    I am a bit wary of getting involved with people at work, I like to keep my life as orderly as possible, however, I have reconsidered my stance because this is someone that does not work at the same department, there is no direct line of vision from her desk to mine, we rarely cross paths and actually, we have never had any need to speak about anything work-related because we do very different things, which is why I had not found a reasonable excuse to approach her.

    Now, I am not sure about how to talk to her. My friend suggested using Lync, but I do not want to use anything that is work-related, just to watch my back. I could add her on Instagram and text her, she already knows why I would text her, but I feel really self-conscious and I don't know if it would come across as pushy (I still need to find a more suitable word to explain my thoughts). I am viewed as someone "very formal" and polite, so this is probably just my anxiety talking and I probably would not come across as pushy but I have never texted someone who already knows that I am interested in her without having ever spoken. So I think Instagram would be the safest option because just walking up to her desk would be weird I guess.

    There is only one way to actually speak to her on a neutral ground at work, which is if another co-worker of mine randomly introduces us, but it would be kinda cruel because he has a crush on me and I just turned him down.

    If I ran into her then I will definitely say hi but like I said, it really is hard to run into her at work.

    I guess what I would like to know is: what would be the less creepy and "not-punishable by HR" way to approach her?

    Thanks in advance.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Hi, I am very leary of getting involved at work as well. As to HR, is she a peer or some steps below you at the totem pole? I think if she is a peer it is safe to find out her favorite kind of snack (croissant, etc) that goes with her coffee and just say hi and introduce yourself. Just tell her that your bff at work had already talked to both of you about each other and you just want to say hi and not be a stranger.

    If she is not a peer and/or there is an HR issue with fraternizing then I would just leave it alone. If your job is not a throw away one that is.

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