So Confused.

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by keepinitreal, Mar 20, 2016.

  1. keepinitreal

    keepinitreal Active Member

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    I met this girl named Mary a couple months ago through friends. When I first met her we had a great conversation and really hit it off. However after that I got hit by the crush monster and got super consumed by the FEELS. So I admittedly got a little shy around her in subsequent group encounters but I still tried my damned best to strike up conversations with her, etc. I just wasn't flirting very well. Anyway, she seemed to clam up too, and although she seems VERY outgoing with everyone else and very social, around me she suddenly seemed so aloof and wouldn't engage me with conversation or anything unless I went up to her. However we had this crazy eye contact thing going on for a bit - she didn't want to talk to me but I could see she was looking at me a lot.

    So fast forward a bit, the holidays and some personal health stuff sidelined me for a bit but I tried to stay on her radar by texting her here and there, and she did initiate texting me a few times and would keep convos going - nothing super lengthy but she'd write detailed responses so it didn't seem like she was trying to avoid me or didn't like me. She seemed interested enough to try to engage me. She would also come out every time I invited her out (all group things at that point) and was responsive over text.

    So I bit the bullet and texted her something along the lines of "hey what are you up to this weekend? If you're free want to go out and grab drinks with me?" and she responded with her schedule but it was hard to nail down a plan. She wasn't helping me out too much and I have a very hard time doing this with a crush if I'm not feeling like they're meeting me halfway.

    Anwyay, I kind of gave up trying to make it a date because she either didn't get the hint or was actively trying to politely avoid, and ended up meeting her out with mutual friends anyway. I usually have a hard time flirting anyway but I made sure I toned it down to just be friendly with her so at least she'd know that I wasn't upset if she didn't want to go out for drinks one on one or whatever. At one point it was just her and I at the bar for almost an hour in a funny twist of fate while we were waiting for another friend. But she was so awkward! I mean I was doing my damn best to be my friendly, happy self (and I have no doubts that I'm easy to get along with - most people like me and I have lots of friends). But I was doing 90% of the the conversation initiation and it was so awkward sitting there with her because she was just looking at her phone or at the TV the whole time, and once in a while would say something to me if I wasn't already trying to get her talking. She wasn't being bitchy or mean or anything, and didn't seem to be trying to brush me off. She could have easily called it a night or gotten out of the situation but she stayed out the whole night. At one point when it was just us it felt like she was finally getting more comfortable with me and we were laughing and joking around about something funny our friend sent us and she seemed to get a bit more playful.

    When our other friend got there I felt like I was invisible. And the situation was almost funny to me because I was so baffled by her behavior. She ended up getting realllly drunk but this seemed to make her avoid me more!

    By the very end of the night though she seemed to loosen up a little bit again and finally was talking to me like a normal person.

    I'm pretty much giving up on her for now, although I'll leave the door open if she changes her mind. But I'm writing here because I'm just trying to parse her behavior. She was awkward/aloof before I tried to ask her out, so I don't know that me trying to ask her for drinks was necessarily the cause.

    You're all probably wondering why I'm even writing about this girl if she's acting like this but her behavior doesn't add up to me. My question is: does this sound like she just doesn't like me at ALL, or is she just trying not to give me the wrong impression (lead me on)? Is there any chance that she's interested in me and therefore acting REALLY awkward/shy? She seems to like attention from most other girls that seem into her - she seems a bit like she relishes attention. So I don't get it. I'm not like some ugly boring person fishing out of my league, so I dunno. It's disappointing but I'm more confused at her behavior because I've never seen anything like it before.
     
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    Last edited: Mar 20, 2016
  2. Flower girl

    Flower girl Member

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    It seems like she may like you and is just really awkward. But to be sure to know if she likes you. You should ignore her and see if she approaches you or starts a conversation with you first. If she likes you she'll want your attention.
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I don't think she likes you (romantically). She sounds shy and socially awkward. But even a shy, socially awkward girl would latch on when you 'took charge.'

    No girl who likes you sits in a bar playing with her phone for an hour.
     
    #3
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  4. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

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    I agree.
     
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  5. Emm

    Emm Well-Known Member

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    I'm first to admit I'm the queen of being socially awkward and shy but in that situation, irrespective of whether I'm crushing hard or totally cannot stand the person I have the common decency it put down my damn phone and talk to the one other person sitting next to me for an entire hour.

    Maybe she does really like you and doesn't know what to do with herself, maybe she only likes you as a friend, hell if I know...but the girl needs etiquette 101 lessons here
     
    #5
  6. keepinitreal

    keepinitreal Active Member

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    Yeah I agree. I don't know how to explain it really. I mean she did talk to me but I was doing 90% of the initiation.

    Really weird from a person who was initially sending me random conversational texts about movies to watch and trips she's going on and stuff like that.

    It's such a bummer because it sucks to feel like the person can't be bothered to even talk to you but it just doesn't add up with her previous behavior.
     
    #6
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  7. keepinitreal

    keepinitreal Active Member

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    Edited got my answer thank you
     
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    Last edited: Apr 10, 2016
  8. Emm

    Emm Well-Known Member

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    Moving on isn't just about options, you can just move on without having to have another girl lined up.
    Non flirty general texting, or as you rightly put it conversation,...is normal human behaviour, sometimes people are chatty or bored or whatever

    She's either just wanting to be casual friends or she's confused herself about what she wants in general. Either way I'd let it go, just be friends, don't overanalyse every text or look or contact
     
    #8
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  9. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    It's hard when you have a crush and see her out but she doesn't seem to be as interested in you. She could just be the type who expects the other girl to make all the moves. You can either ignore her to see if she seeks you out, or make a bigger move. In other words, don't beat around the bush. Go up and ask her out. If she gives you an excuse as to not being available, you'll know she's just not that into you.
     
    #9

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