Slowly going crazy...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by anonymous147, Sep 30, 2013.

  1. anonymous147

    anonymous147 Member

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    I’m after some reassurance/ advice on my current situation. My girlfriend and I have been together for eight months, and it has been amazing. The only time we ever had little blips was when we went away on separate holidays…but even then we were great. We lived very close to one another and were able to see each other as much as we could, which was almost every day. My girlfriend went off to uni two weeks ago and I have to admit it has been ridiculously hard to deal with. She was understandably not overly happy about going to uni in the first place and there were a lot of tears down the phone, so I immediately reacted by hopping on a train to see her, twice in a week! Oops. Probably not the best thing to do.

    We had so many conversation about her going to uni and how she didn’t want to be single etc and she had told me so many times this is what she wanted.

    After a week I fell very ill, and began to grow quite impatient as she wasn’t replying to my texts for hours at a time, and in all honestly I just wanted her with me because I felt so awful. It was so selfish but all my emotions came out at once in a phone call and it completely freaked her out. She immediately put up a wall of defence and said that she needed space and was questioning if she really wanted to be in a relationship. She said she had been thinking about it for a while and that she didn’t want to tell because she was scared of making me upset. I was horrified she had lied to me as I had always stressed how important it was for us to be honest with one another as we could work out anything if we just talked to each other about it.

    So she said she needed space and time to really think about what she wanted, so I left it at that. After a day we skyped and I spoke rationally about everything to her and said that I would leave her to do what she needed to do. She said she just needed space and time to chill and that’s what I gave her.

    The next morning I hear from her via a text asking me about information for the weekend as we were supposed to be going away to an event together, which I has assumed would no longer happen under the circumstances… I just found this really odd behaviour for someone that needed space…to contact me not even 12 hours after saying that. I then got a text saying she wanted to come and stay with me the following week so we could spend time together as she missed me…again conflicting messages leaving me so ruddy confused.

    The next few days we texted a bit, but nothing major, I just left her to it. Although inside all I wanted to do was see her and make everything right again. I hate not hearing from her, I guess it’s partly the being left behind syndrome kicking in. I’m still doing all the same things while she is experiencing this big new chapter to her life. I feel left out and it feels horrible!

    The weekend arrived and she decided last minute that she as coming to Brighton, I think mainly because a lot of her old friends were there as well and not really for me though. We got drunk, we danced, she out of nowhere accused me of having a fling with another friend which I was so horrified at I didn’t even know what to say! We got over it went home had a fumble and everything seemed ok in the morning. We spoke about a few things and she seemed happy with where we were and that we just had a small ‘blip’. She said she liked the past few days and wanted to carry it on like that, not texting as much etc. I did say to her that I liked to have a goodnight text just so I know she is alive and ok – and she did text me goodnight which I guess shows she listened to that at least.

    The thing is, I found it hard to begin with but now with even less contact I’m finding it even harder. I don’t understand how she can update her facebook and twitter but not take a minute out of her day to contact me, or ask me how my day is etc. Because I would never do that to her! I send a text and she doesn’t read it for hours, but I can see she checks her facebook etc…what is going on in her head? Is she purposefully ignoring me?

    It’s driving me crazy, because I am crazy about her because we have had such a good run so far. There is nothing I could fault her for up to this point and just the sudden change is very out of the ordinary. Sometimes I just feel she tells me what I want to hear and I’m second guessing things she says to me which is awful.

    I just want to get back to normal! Has anyone been through something similar or has any tips to make being apart easier for the both of us?

    I don’t want to lose her because I’ve been idiot and pushed her away!

    Any advice or comments will be much appreciated.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hi there, I am sorry you are having a rough time with the separation. The only thing I can really assure you of is that she enjoys spending time with you. She probably does not want the joined at the hip thing as much as you do. There is nothing wrong with what you want and what she wants. It is a matter of whether you can dial it back and not feel like you are being dumped every day and whether or not she can dial it forward and not feel like she has a ball and chain. The she-has-time-for-facebook-but-not-for-texting-me is a all too common complaint. Simply, for her, facebook is a mindless distraction for someone who wants to procrastinate a little before hitting homework. For her to text you back, it might take a lot more time and attention and she would never get anything done for sure.

    Everyone's different, but for me, I love the joined at the hip thing. For most couples it is the thing to do when you are getting to know each other. Some people like it for a short while and want to taper off and have their own space, but not me, I am like that boy on AI and the imprint just lasts forever. So, if you can handle a long distance relationship with someone who doesn't want to attach as much then I would say adjust and stick around. Otherwise, you need to figure out with her (face to face) what commitment level you guys want. Sometimes, yes, we can be crazy lovesick and expect a little bit too much and chide someone for not texting back right away and it is a good adjustment to make to curtail any acrimony. But to hop on a train and just visit is quite romantic and thoughtful and there should be nothing wrong with it at all. It is all a balancing act and I hope you can work with her on a right one.

    I really don't get that part where she accused you of having a fling. That is the most troubling aspect of this whole thing. That tells me that she could have something going on that she might feel guilty of herself. Either that or she is really trying to make sure that you have no one in mind but her. If someone accuses me of something like that I would be quite angry and indignant and want to get to the bottom of where that came from.

    You are not an idiot. You have a right to feel great love and attachment. You can only feel the way you feel and hope that person feels the same way. It is also okay to negotiate how things can work between a couple. I think that was clever of you to have her to text you good night. It is a very reasonable and smart way to gain compromise in you situation. Good luck to you.
     
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