Sigh

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by lostandconfused, May 28, 2018.

  1. lostandconfused

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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    "...chances are you I really find anyone..."

    That is one of the biggest loads of BS I've heard on these boards in awhile. If you want to experiment with girls, there are plenty of ways to find someone outside of work....Jesus. You act like she's the only woman on this planet who may be interested in you. This ALMOST sounds like a troll post, as well...but I'll bite and go further...

    Your boss could be touchy feely...or she could be into you. It's hard to say. But, if she is into you, then she's most certainly PREDATORY. She's 36 and your work superior...you're 22...and that just spells disaster any way you slice or dice it.

    For argument's sake, say she is into you (and I'm not convinced that she is in any way shape or form)....she what...risks losing her career and a facing a big time lawsuit ...imagine if you weren't into her...what she's doing could be harassment or creating a hostile work environment to name a few. I can't imagine ever being stupid enough to put my career on the line for someone so in a different place in life, either...why would a 36 year old with so much to lose pursue a 22 year old subordinate....but then again, I've seen a lot of stupid people do a lot of stupid things.

    I've also seen people try to rationalize their way out of bad decisions. You're going to do what you're going to do...and at 22 your brain isn't even fully developed yet....but this one will not end well if you cross that line. If you bring something up because you're reading way more into a situation that in reality isn't there...i.e. she was just being friendly (which is how I'm leaning in this scenario), then you've created a really awkward situation for both you and her...potentially affecting your job security as well.
     
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  3. lostandconfused

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    Thank you!! Swear I'm not a troll
     
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  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    There's a thing called wishful thinking. You like the look of someone and even though you know she's only dated guys you HOPE that from over reading every little tiny thing she does anywhere near you and then turning it gay because you want it to be.

    Now let's hop back to reality, she is your boss, she is 14 years older than you, she has dated men and let's not forget we live in the 21st century where you can go online and find women that are into women at the touch of a button. It's unsafe for you to be looking for relationships/hookups/flirts where you work, it will not end well for anyone involved.
     
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  5. lostandconfused

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  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It is not appropriate behavior for a boss. I would not even touch a peer that way. But back in the 80's women would do a lot of touching, hugging and helping each other straighten things without thinking about it (texting was not invented yet, but we had paper memos and we did not blow kisses...). Nowadays, I would not touch anyone at work, period. Perhaps gradually introducing distance with your body language could keep her from touching you. Try keeping up your personal bubble.

    As far as the emoji's, I don't think there is anything to it. Usually, if someone at work who is trying to draw you in would advance in the touching and the subject matter of the texting. They often try to work their way into your personal business. I don't think she is going anywhere with the touching or texting so I think it is best you find other things to distract you at work. :)
     
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  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    There's more out there than Tinder. If you have specifics there are sites that can help you find that.

    I agree with Greylin, touching a colleague is a complete no no, this behaviour is not acceptable.
     
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  8. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Agree with all above - age difference here is not great, boss is a no go, and if you want to pursue relationships with women you can look elsewhere than work - just wanted to add:

    Okay? Yeah, I also don't find myself attracted to anyone often. Like, 3-7 crushes in my whole life that I would characterize as attraction. So I get how it can feel like this rare special thing you have to act on.

    But the thing is,
    (1) attraction isn't 100% out of your control, and
    (2) attraction develops with familiarity, respect, and trust.

    I know, (1) is totally not how we talk about it. "Not my type," "I'm not into X," etc etc. And yeah, your first reactions are reflex and chemical and not something you consciously control. But attraction is informed by experience, by culture, by values, by media - by the world around you that shapes and shifts the way your brain and body respond.

    And you can broaden your attractions. You can consciously explore art that celebrates and presents as desirable many kinds of body and many kinds of beauty. You can look for interesting, beautiful features in every person you meet, as a kind of exercise in seeing past that first chemical impulse.

    And, (2). Getting to know someone, lots of someones, even if they didn't give you butterflies right away, can change how you feel and respond to them. Not that you should force anything, but - as a person with limited initial attraction (some people describe this as part of a "demisexual" orientation), if I didn't give people a little time to grow on me, I'd have missed a lot of really delicious flirting and desire. All of my best relationships - my first love and my eventual marriage included - were with people I would have described as "not my type" at first.

    Just something to think about.
     
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  9. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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  10. lostandconfused

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  11. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It is not unusual for a boss to ask you out to lunch. Especially on such a low frequency. The winking is weird. The pen down the shirt is creepy.

    I don't know why straight women play flirt so much. I have had a straight woman colleague, probably thinking that I was also straight, asked me to go somewhere with her to make out. And that was a joke! I don't know what your boss's behavior is, but maybe just maybe she is picking up on some of your reactions and find you fun to tease?
     
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  12. lostandconfused

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    This could be... Thank you so much! :)
    Regarding lunch, we only talked about personal things and work didn't come up even once. I'm talking about both lunches. Still, you must be right
     
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  13. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, what @greylin said....the pen down the shirt is creepy. Why does someone say that if not flirting...and then add the boss thing in the mix? Creepy.

    If you're not getting red flags here, then I'm getting them for you! Boss or not..straight girl or not...don't let yourself be someone else's experiment.
     
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  14. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I would document everything, and keep your personal bubble up. Any repeats of anything down the shirt I would contemplate going to HR. People have gone to HR for a lot less. When that woman joked about making out with me, I pretty much just looked at her with a mixed expression of eyes that were like in laughter mode but with lips flattened. It was an , "lol, oh, come on..." expression. It worked very well for me because she just got a bit embarrassed by her own joke and walked away. And mind, she was like haut and not easy to not wanna flirt back. She was also nice and that was her one joke and I almost felt bad about not being playful back. I somehow kept my work mode on took cold showers later. Or it could have been a long string of escalating back and forths. @Spygirl is right, don't be someone's experiment.
     
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  15. lostandconfused

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  16. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    If she's into you and pull stuff like that at work then she's truly a creep. If she is not into you and she does things like that at work she is just stupid. People go to work to get stuff done and earn a living, not to be toyed with and eyed a certain way. Yes, romance can happen in the work place but this sure doesn't have that feel.

    Please see the first advice from @Spygirl.
     
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  17. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    If she's honestly interested at you (let's pretend work and the age difference aren't issues), I think she'd make it more clear rather than sending you mixed signals. She'd make more of an effort. Two lunches over a span of several months doesn't signify interest beyond friendship to me. Sure, it's fun to flirt...and in my experience, lots of straight girls love to flirt....but crossing that line is another story.
     
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