Shyness Getting In the Way

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by Jadams53, Sep 25, 2015.

  1. Jadams53

    Jadams53 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2015
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    4
    Hi all,

    I've read a good bit of the advice on how to meet women and it's all wonderful. However I have an issue with shyness. In fact it's practically crippling. I have no other lesbian friends to go out places with, online is a huge bust time and time again, and I don't exactly ooze the lesbian vibe (or I don't think I do lol). I've stepped out of my comfort zone slightly and have signed up to volunteer at this year's Pride festival as an attempt to meet people, but that is a month away. And what good will it do if I stand there silent? Any ideas on how to not be so afraid to approach people?

    Thanks,

    Jessica
     
    #1
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    1,058
    You need a change in perspective.

    First of all, you generalize the concept of "meeting women." Are you looking for friends, dates, or both? Even so, I get that people are shy -- but you need to stop and take a good hard look at yourself. Shyness does nothing for you except get in your way. Why are you afraid? Rejection, perhaps? Well, you're already not meeting people and if someone is going to reject you for making an ovation toward friendship or more? Then do you really want that person in your life at all?

    The perspective change comes about by stepping out of your comfort zone. Right now your comfort zone is your present world and you've already taken the first step by signing up to volunteer at pride. That's HUGE. But in the meantime, start by doing little things...like maybe making small talk with people you don't know. The other day I was at a Starbucks and instead of just placing my order, I asked the person behind the counter if the Toasted Graham Latte was good (it was). But a short conversation happened with someone I didn't know...which I suspect is difficult for shy people. Me (I'll talk to anyone...and the wife typically rolls her eyes when I do). If you're not used to conversing with strangers, then put yourself in situations where you might have to say a word or two more than you normally would -- and it's likely you'll see that your fear of talking to people disappear as you become more comfortable. Practice making eye contact during these conversations, too. Build upon those small steps outside your comfort zone. Rome wasn't built in a day -- overcoming shyness won't happen either. The trick is making your brain realize that the fears it has will never materialize. That's also not to say that everyone you talk to will become a friend or even a date -- but it will put you on the road to being more confident so that you are comfortable forging new friendships and other relationships.
     
    #2
  3. Jadams53

    Jadams53 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2015
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    4
    I appreciate the advice. I would guess that rejection has a good bit to do with it. I will work on the small talk since I'm not the best at it. Thanks for your time :)
     
    #3
  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    Have you tried going to Meetups?

    One suggestion would be to work on your shyness in a low pressure situation. Meeting a cute girl and chatting her up is kinda pressure and makes the most extroverted person nervous. If you start by just doing more social things and getting used to initiating conversation, making friends, that will help you get over your shyness.

    Things like meetups can also be a lower pressure situation. Just go with the expectation that you are trying to make friends and don't put too much pressure on trying to meet a gf. Then you won't feel as shy. If you go to the same group regularly, you will start to meet more people.

    Good luck.
     
    #4
  5. Jadams53

    Jadams53 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2015
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    4
    I've joined a couple of meetups recently one is fairly large but it looks like no one ever goes. One is very small but I look forward to jumping in with that one. There aren't too many LGBT meetups near me but I'm trying to get out there. And I practice chatting with a girl in my zumba class ;) Thanks.

     
    #5
    Bluenote likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice