Should I give up on us?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by bluefire, Oct 2, 2014.

  1. bluefire

    bluefire Member

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    I have been with my girlfriend for four years now. We are the best of friends, but seem to have drifted as lovers. From the beginning of our relationship I always seemed to be the one more invested in us. I wanted us to move in together and had dreams of getting married one day. She was always more reticent in moving forward. Her reluctance in our relationship has always hurt me. I eventually gave up on the idea of us living together and bought my own home. I even adopted a dog without her. I can no longer imagine myself marrying my girlfriend and that is very sad to me. After four years together, our lives are thoroughly intertwined. My friends and family in my hometown love her, my friends are her friends where we live now and even our careers cross paths. I simply don't know if our relationship can recover to where it once stood. After years of having only eyes for my girlfriend, I have become attracted to another woman and am very certain the attraction is mutual. Attraction aside I would never act on those feelings while still in a relationship. I respect my girlfriend too much to ever betray her like that. I have never been able to maintain a friendship with an ex, so it scares me to think if I end the relationship four years would be completely gone. Please help me! I don't know if I should give up on us or stand and fight for our years together. I have a girlfriend whom I feel no passion for any longer, and a new acquaintance who has made her attraction to me quite obvious.
     
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  2. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    I think you kind of answered yourself right there. You' say that you no longer really love her, can live without her etc. It happens... even if you were deeply in love with her at the beginning. Would you consider breaking up as a bad thing or a good thing so that you can move on with your life with someone who wants to move forward with you?
     
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  3. bluefire

    bluefire Member

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    I brought up the issues I have with our relationship to my girlfriend and she has begged me not to give up. She said she would try harder with us, but I still think it's too late. I feel terrible for feeling this way. Above all else she is my best friend and it kills me to hurt her. As for the other woman I wrote about she has come forward and told me she has feelings for me and would like to go out and see what happens. I explained my relationship situation and she told me she would be waiting for me if and when I was ready. She's sweet and fun and I am really attracted to her, but I'm not sure if it is meant to lead to something or I'm just interested in someone being this interested in me after my long term relationship fizzled.
     
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  4. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    If you feel like it's already too late then you should end it if you honestly feel like you can't be with her any more. I know it totally sucks to leave someone after a really long time but the best thing to do is to do something with honour and integrity... if you can't be with that person, why string them along? It's kind of one of those things where there's a couple and they try to fix it by getting married or focusing on having a baby instead when it's like... well you guys shouldn't be doing those things because it's just prolonging the inevitable. Why rip a bandaid off slowly when you can do it quicker and less painfully if you know what I mean?

    As for the other girl... have some space for you to breathe and be single for a little bit. You may like her because she has qualities that you miss with your partner or used to see in her but don't any more. If she really likes you and really means that she will wait for you, then she will wait for you to have a breather. What do you think about that?
     
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  5. bluefire

    bluefire Member

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    I did it. I ended my relationship. I've never felt so terrible in my life. How do you make your best friend cry and not feel awful? I brought up everything that in thought was wrong with us and she begged me for more time to fix everything. I told her that over the years I gave her nothing but time and she didn't realize it until it was too late. She has sworn to win me back and save us. As for the other woman, I told her that I wasn't going to jump into something. It wasn't fair to either of us. No one deserves to be the rebound. She was very sweet as said she supported me whatever I chose and she wants me to be happy. She also said she would wait for our chance together. Thank you all for helping me realize what needed to be done. Maybe my ex will get her act together and rekindle what we had, or maybe this new girl will be something more than the friendship we currently have. Either way I've reached a sense of relief at the decision.
     
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  6. Kat26

    Kat26 New Member

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    This happened with my girlfriend of six years, so I can totally relate. My best advice to you would be not to rush into it with the new girl because I came to regret it after spending two years with my "rebound." I grew to love my most recent girlfriend but I think the baggage from my last relationship really wore us down. I hope that you will be happy as well no matter what you choose to do!
     
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