should i give it a try?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by kristen.A, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. kristen.A

    kristen.A Active Member

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    hey everyone!! i'm a little bit confused because all of my relationships( well i don't have that many cause i'm only 18) were with gay girls and now everything is changing! a week ago i went to a club (gay bar) with my friends and a friend of mine introduced me to a beautiful girl (let's say her name is A) . Me and ''A'' (who is 17) started to talk and get to know eachother, then we started dancing, like really close!! my phone rings and i go outside to talk then come back after ten minutes and my friend grabs me and tells me that ''A'' asked him if i was available...so i got all the signals and went dancing with her again , then i slowly got closer to her and kissed her!! that was it!! we didn't stop all night ...5 hours talking and a lot of kissing... then we leave and on the road she kept holding my hand and hugging me. For the next 5 days we send messages to eachother but we didn't meet because she had a lot of studying (she has exams at school). so today she finally opened up to me about what she really wants, well the thing is she DOESN'T know what she wants! she's on that phase when you don't know if you like girls or boys and you get all confused (i've been on that phase and it's not good but it was years ago). She also told me that what she felt with me was strong and that she liked it a lot but it was her second time with a girl , she does want to meet again this week but she wants to take things slowly and no relationship (which is something i've never done ) in order for me to not get hurt and for her to decide. I like the fact that she says the truth to me but as much as i like her i don't know if i should see her and do this no string attached thing . Well she said that time will pass and then she will decide but still confusing for me. I want to try but on the other hand i'm scared she might change her mind and like only boys or that she might not feel anything at all about me... so any suggestions?
     
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  2. Chris Chris

    Chris Chris Member

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    If she's attracted to you then 10 to 1 she will never only like boys. Accepting being gay is never easy not because of ourselves it's because we are afraid how others will react and accept. I'm sure that is what she is struggling with at the end of the day. When we are attracted to someone there is no doubt in our mind we are attracted. If you like the girl stay in contact with her and see where it goes. I know a couple that struggled with this in high school almost the same story. Today they live together and have been together for 4 years. You don't know until you try. Good luck.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Acknowledging you like girls...and accepting it are two different things. She's 17 and has a lot to figure out yet. If you enjoy spending time with her, then spend time with her. Who says that everything has to manifest into a relationship? Enjoy being with her and enjoy what she has to offer at the moment -- why place any other expectations upon her and yourself right now?

    The thing is...if she's kissing you, then certainly she likes you. It just sounds like she's got a lot that she has to figure out. Be careful and cautious for your own sake -- but also respect that she's got a lot to sort out. If you feel like you're setting yourself up to get hurt, then decide whether you should still see her or not.
     
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  4. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    Also keep in mind... both of you are teenagers. Getting to know relationships, love and the real world is new to you and very very NEW to her. While both of your feelings are real, life experiences haven't been gained yet. Deep relationships rarely happen at a young age. But each one is important to learning who you are and what you like and what is compatible for two people.

    Date, have fun, be friends at least, if not dating.
     
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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    There's no harm in getting to know a girl and working out how you both feel about each other. Especially without leaping into a relationship before getting to know each other properly, Yes people are going to tell you you're only 18 but do you know what? You're not talking about getting married and settling down and neither is she :) Go on dates, talk, have fun, see how you both feel and go from there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
     
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  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I debated on responding. Honestly I did...the problem I have with this post is that you say "deep relationships rarely happen at a young age." And my problem, with all due respect is this...you're older, I'm older and we're looking at the situation through different eyes. You're older...mature...and a man in fact. These are young women and this is important stuff to them -- they're in the moment, likely more emotionally inclined, and we're looking through more seasoned eyes. Your post comes off as minimizing what this could potentially be for either of them. While I am sure you meant the best of intentions here, at 18 I didn't want to hear what anyone older had to say. And, frankly, emotions, feelings and breakups didn't hurt any less at 18.

    That being said..the date, have fun, be friends at least if not dating certainly is sound advice. You just might want to be a little more sensitive here or consider that your perspective is very different -- this is very real to the original poster.
     
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  7. kristen.A

    kristen.A Active Member

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    you guys are awesome you helped a lot because i started thinking a little bit ''out of the box'' ...but it turns out that something's going on because wherever i text her she replies but she never sends me any messages, she never calls me...only i do so i decided not to call or text for a few days and she didn't bother to communicate with me. Yesterday was my nameday and she wished me happy nameday. Finally! we talked a bit and then i told her to come to the club we met tomorrow if she wants because i'm going there with some friends...she never said if she's coming we just ended the conversation. So i guess if she comes we could actually talk!!! and if not then i don't know what to do! i mean she said she wants to meet this week but she always say's she has to study so if we don't meet then what are we doing...
     
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  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Seems like she's being cagey with you. On the other hand though she may not be a texter type, there is a chance she's a face to face type. In the meantime, look after yourself don't let yourself over think everything and sit around waiting for her. Go for a walk or whatever you need to do to keep your head clear.
     
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  9. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    The ball is in her court, so to speak. If she comes, she comes.
    If she doesn't, there may be other reasons - like she already had other plans, had to work, etc...
    But if she doesn't come, I say let her be the one to call or text first. You want her to hold up her end of things a little bit.

    It's nerve wracking, particularly if you like her. I'm also not sure where you are coming from (just out of a break up, shy in general, family problems, etc....) All that stuff can make dating feel like a bigger deal. It's not easy liking someone, but not being sure if they like you back. Try and sit tight and see what happens. If things don't work out with her, there will be someone out there that likes you for you.

    Good luck and keep us posted.
     
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  10. kristen.A

    kristen.A Active Member

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    alright then i'll just relax,have fun with my friends and wait without waiting haha... i'll write when she gives me a sign ...oh and merry christmas to you all :)
     
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  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    And to you. I know it sounds crazy to say don't over think and be patient but you'll be much happier if you don't let it turn you crazy.
     
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  12. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I think this is good advice. It is one thing to be a bit nervous and excited. It's another to get really upset or obsessed. I'm not saying you are really upset and obsessed. I'm just making a point about trying to find some balance - liking her, but not getting so wrapped up in it that you loose perspective.

    And Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you, too!
     
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  13. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    I am completely 100% in agreement with you. And I was trying to be as sensitive and logical about it. That FIRST love, that first kiss - are important things. The love an 18 year old feels is 100% as real as love of a 40 year old.

    My sister did end up marrying her high-school sweet heart, 10 years later - even thou they broke up at age 20 for a several years. A family member - who wanted to know about relationships, at age 14 - cried a bit - fairy-tale romances are so very very rare. She just turned 16 and has a boyfriend who *I* think, make an excellent couple. I wouldn't be surprised if they are together 5+ years from now. But then again, hormones, family and school changes around 18~20 can mean anything can happen. I am not in either of their heads. Either way, I see her relationship as a HEALTHY thing.

    I see the poster and "A" doing healthy thinking as well. I consider any relationship important in gaining life experiences, even the bad ones - if the person learns from mistakes.
     
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  14. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    And as Nancy says, "don't over think", which is normal... but really, relationships start easier when you come together naturally. With my love, we both meet - and were worried about IF WE LIKED each other. She hoped I would text her back, I hoped she would text me, etc. I wish I didn't lose our first week of texting.

    I have over-thought a lot... Assuming the worst or the best, when its all just unknown.
     
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  15. kristen.A

    kristen.A Active Member

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    so! it turns out she didn't send any message or call me and neither did i i guess i'm just not going to give more chances
     
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  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear it. And as I try to to sound like a cliche machine, keep yourself busy and happy. You never know what's round the corner. :)
     
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