Shocked it ended so easily and I miss her

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Spud84, Jul 27, 2013.

  1. Spud84

    Spud84 Member

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    Hey so I've been a bit of a wreck this last month. This was my first relationship with a girl, I'm still fairly new to the gay scene having only been out a couple of years. The relationship only lasted 2 months which I know isn't a long time but I really fell for the girl and thought she really liked me. We are both in our late 20s so I thought we could have been adult enough to work through our problems but she didn't want to try.

    At the beginning we were both quite shy and awkward with each other but we soon got comfortable. She was more confident being affectionate as she had several relationships before and I was nervous but I was improving and the more I was with her the more comfortable I was getting. She knew I didn't have a lot of experience with women from the start. After a month of dating we made it official but not in a Facebook announcement way it was more like she just texted me after a date and said "we aren't doing this as a trial anymore, are you happy with that?" so yes I was delighted but we had never officially said we were girlfriends and sometimes I wasn't sure if I could call her that. A few problems came up and it stressed me a bit...

    First was that from the start her best straight friend hated me and this was before I even had a conversation with her friend!! The first night I met her friend she got mad and stormed off and I didn't know what it was about but my ex later told me that her friend accused me of "eyeballing" her. Despite that bad start I did as much as I could to make the effort with her friend, I invited her to come out with us, bought her drinks, let my friend have as much time as she wanted with her when we were out while I was with my friends, the girl came out for my birthday (uninvited), demanded my ex didn't spend all her time with me on my birthday night but I didn't complain, the girl continued to knock into me and my ex on purpose, the girl also had a go at one of my friends accusing him of making fun of her and she started bitching about my friend to my ex! My ex did have a word with her friend about her attitude towards me, told me that her friend should be happy for her because I made her happy, i told my her that while her friend was off putting I was willing to make the effort with her friend and will put up with the attitude problem for her and she said that meant a lot to her for me to say and that not to worry about making the effort with her friend because its her friend who has the problem. Another thing is that in the first two weeks of dating my ex her friend made a move on her!!!

    The next thing was that my ex would get moody when she couldn't see me and it would have been my fault and I'd have to make it up to her. One night I was out having dinner with my friends, which she was invited to but she said she doesn't like eating in restaurants and would feel too awkward with my friends. So during dinner she was texting me and wondering why I was being so quiet, I told her I was at the dinner and she said she had forgot about that, bare in mind I was at her house the night before and was talking to her about it and asked her to go. So anyway me and my friends went to a bar after dinner and she asked me to come see her and abandon my friends. I told her I couldn't and I might call in for a few minutes on my way home as I was driving and had a couple of friends to drive home too. She got huffy, was short with her texts, didn't add an "x" at the end as usual, wrote obvious status on Facebook about me, it stressed me out in front of my mates - all this even though I seen her the night before and was seeing her the following night. I told her I had to head straight home and hopefully I'd see her tomorrow, she replied "hopefully?? yeah sure ok goodnight". So the following night she came to mine, which was the last night we were together. We kinda talked about the texts from the night before but she hates talking about stuff like that and was uncomfortable. So we left it and had a fun night together as usual. She left pretty quick next morning though which was disappointing but I let it slide.

    Another thing is that I was always going to her house and she had only been to mine twice, stayed over night that once but I didn't mind that much because I just liked being with her no matter where we were. Its just the little effort she made to come to mine.

    In the few days after our last night time together our texts were getting short and not as flirty. On the morning of her birthday I sent her a text saying "happy birthday gorgeous xxx" she replied a simple "lol thanks x", which was weird because she would always give a cute pet name back. I was then suppose to be coming to see her on her that night, she didn't want to do anything special, just relax in her house. At mid-day I asked if I was still seeing her and she said she had a work exam the next day so she had to study, which I do believe she was telling the truth. I asked her when are we meeting up again. All she replied was "I'm working late tomorrow night", so I said "ok Thursday, Friday, Saturday etc....?? xx", she gave me "Thurs x". So the texts kept being short like that for the rest of the night.

    Next day again we were texting, she passed her work exam which was great, msgs were still short, she wrote a comment on Facebook saying thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes, her friend who hates me replied to her post saying "was great fun last night 'name' wants the video". I hate Facebook for this lol! So I kept thinking ok she was studying but her friends were there which she knows I don't mind her hanging with her friends but she never mentioned her friends were there and kept implying she was studying, I gave her plenty of time to mention it like she always would have, so I casually asked what fun they were having last night. She asked how I knew, I jokingly said "i was waiting outside your house and seen them go in ;) lol". She laughed at this and said yeah they called in with birthday cake and balloons and they ended up drinking etc. The texts got short again that evening and I said to her "is it just me or are things getting weird?" She said she didn't know what I meant, I told her never mind I'm just stressed with work etc, she said that has nothing to do with us and if I didn't tell her she couldn't help. So I said she seemed short through her texts and she didn't seem as enthusiactic to arrange seeing me as usual so just thought something was up. Ah how I wish I said nothing, things got heated, I said it would have been nice to see my girlfriend even for an hour on her birthday, she said she was going to ask me to come up when she was drinking but because I don't get on with her friend she decided not to, I told her it isn't me who has the problem with her friend and she knows I make the effort, which she replied that I don't make the effort and that she came to my house that last time because I didn't want to drink with her friend, this was lies because at the time my ex told me that her friend wanted to play drinking games that night to embarrass her so I suggested to come to mine instead which she happily agreed to but I said to her I didn't really expect her to cancel on her mates but she insisted she sees her friends enough and wanted to have a nice quiet night just me and her, so then now I'm the bad guy for forcing her to cancel on her mates!!! She also said that she doesn't like coming to mine because its out of her comfort zone, I told her she should have said and I would never have made her come to mine if she told me that. So things eventually calmed down and I was still going to her house the next night - all this was said via text by the way which I hate.

    But things started to get fired up again next morning. She then decided that things were weird lately after saying she didn't know what I was talking about when I said it. I asked her what she wanted to do because I had a feeling she was going to end it but I told her I didn't want it to end but she had to tell me what she wanted. She wasn't being very straight forward, saying things like "I dunno it just doesn't feel the same", I told her we can work it out but she wasn't agreeing, I begged her not to end it, I tried calling her but she wouldn't pick up, she texted me saying she doesn't like dealing with these things, and we eventually settled on being friends. I was gutted! She wrote later on Facebook "I'd be lost without my "her friends name'", her friend replied "you'll never be without me", this just annoyed me so much as she knows how much her friend hates me. She then texted me shortly after that asking if I was ok, i said yes and asked if she was, she said she'll be ok but wanted to check on me. Couple of days later she texted me saying she's feeling shitty because her gran died, i gave my condolences etc. Another couple of days past and I find out from a friend she was back on a dating website, less than a week after our split. We were then texting that day, I told her I wanted us to work things out, she said at the minute its best we were friends, I told her I was struggling to get over this and would need time. I asked her what problems she had with us, she said it didn't feel like a relationship which I really don't get because she was so into me, everyone could see that and even on our last night together she was talking about us in future references. I said to her we didn't exactly establish what we were so I wasn't sure where exactly I stood with her, she said that was her fault and we should have had the girlfriend talk, I was never clear to her about how many women I had been with sexually until the day of the breakup (which was one girl just the once) and I honestly think that put her off but she did know I wasn't experienced we just never talked about it, she also decided maybe we moved to fast so we decided bad communication from the both of us and moving too fast was a problem and she said "well better late than never to communicate" which kinda gave me hope that we could work it out and I told her I don't get how she can give up so easily and she said it wasn't an easy decision and she hated all this but she didn't want to lose me completely, I told her I'd need time and we agreed I would let her know when I was ready to try to be friends.

    The following weekend was our pride day. Was tough because we had planned to go together. Seen each other but we kept our distance. Later that night at a gay club we were both there but again stayed away. Her best friend was there and did her usual knocking into me on purpose which could have caused drama because one of my mates went looking for her. I then caught up with an old friend who I've kissed before and ended up kissing again, I then seen my ex close by and she seen this, she was then later kissing another girl and at one point I caught her looking at me and she looked pissed off at me.

    Couple of days after that she texted me, after agreeing I would text first when I was ready but she totally ignored that. I texted back to be civil, discussed pride, she asked about the girl I was kissing, I said she's just an old friend who I kiss if I'm not with anyone. she asked me how I was, I told her I was fine but that she doesn't have to check up on me. She got mad at this, saying she's not a complete b*tch, I told her to calm down but that she's giving me hope that she wants to try again and stopping me from moving on, she got mad again saying she's not flirting with me and not stopping me from moving on but she'll stop texting me so that she not a head f*ck and said she thought we could be friends. I told her I needed space and that I just can't move on as quick as her, she went off again saying she isn't moving on as quick but thanks for thinking that of her and she's trying to make the best of a bad situation. I told her that because she's pushing the friends things that I just assume she moving on because she doesn't tell me how she's feeling. she said she doesn't talk about feelings and pushes them away and that she's pissed off with everything, I asked what everything but she wouldn't say, I told her I can't be friends with her right now because it would be a kick in the guts if I seen her with someone else and asked would she not feel the same, she said she doesn't want to be friends straight away and that she would find it tough seeing me with someone too. I again stupidly asked her for another shot at things, she said whats been said is said, I told her things were just said in the heat of the moment and if she hates all this why can't she try, she said she's not going over it again and she'd feel too awkward to try now, I asked her just to lets us hang out for the day and if she's still feeling awkward I would drop it and asked her just to think about it. I never got a reply so I assumed she's either ignoring me or thinking about it.

    The following saturday (exactly a week after pride) a friend asked me if I seen anything from the ex on Facebook, I went to look but discovered she deleted me, I texted her asking why and said I was sorry for pushing things but I needed time to get over her, my friend then sent me a screen shot that said my ex was in a relationship with the girl she met at pride, I was shocked like after one week of meeting this girl and she couldn't establish us after two months and after she suggested we moved too fast!!! Thing is she had deleted me after she had posted her status, I know this because she also deleted my friend but he had seen it. I texted her again just simply saying that my mate told me what he seen and told her I hope it works out for her. Still no reply until a couple of days later she texts saying she deleted me to make it less awkward, I told her it was quick, she said she had no intentions of meeting anyone at pride but it just happened. I told her she should have just told me about the girl last time we were texting when I asked for another go, all she said was "you know how backward I am", I ended it with wishing her good luck and she wished me the same. I actually really wanted to shout at her for all this but I'm just so tired and drained with trying and I don't want anymore drama. I deleted her phone number, text and call history for fear that I'll contact her.

    I'm just so upset, angry, annoyed, confused and feel like I meant nothing to her! Can't believe she can be in a relationship just over two weeks after we break up and after only knowing the girl for a week. I'm not sure what advice I'm after here, I just can't make sense of it all. I'm trying to move on, concentrating on other things like getting my career back on track, trying new hobbies, spending time with family and friends but at the end of it all I can't stop thinking of this whole mess and I miss her. Wish I didn't say anything about things being weird between us and should have just left it to see if it would have passed. Cant help beating myself up about it. Was I wrong to say anything? Was I wrong for trying to save the relationship? Do you think she gave up too easily or she was waiting for a way out? I keep hoping she's rebounding with this other girl who is in her early 20s and looks like a friend of mine who my ex said was ugly and just seems to be opposite of me from what I've heard from a friend who knows the new girlfriend. I know I sound silly considering we were only together for two months, I also didn't expect I'd be this upset over her! I just hate all this :(

    P.S. sorry this is super long!!
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    You can't see it now, but she did you a favor breaking up with you and deleting you on fb. FB sucks when it comes to bad relationships and ex's. It can suck even with good relationships! You feel like you have invested so much in this it is hard to completely let go and also she does owe you an apology by throwing accusations about you and her "straight" friend. Let those two (or now the three, as in the gal from the pride) go off in the sunset together, because they really deserve each other. Of all the jealous drama queens, those two take the crown and take turn wearing it.

    Delete the texts, please don't contact her about feelings again because she can't help and doesn't get it. I hope you find someone who is truly nice to you and enjoy the fact that you have a social life. BTW, throughout all this, the most exasperated person amongst your friends about her is probably someone who likes you.
     
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  3. Spud84

    Spud84 Member

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    Yeah I know it was for the best. Just find it hard to accept that just because I wanted to talk about some things that were stressing me that she didn't even want to try and kept using that she's too awkward as an excuse. Was such a low blow that she into a relationship so quick, but we still have several mutual fb mates who she kept on there, two of who she knows I chat to regularly so how she thought I wouldn't have found out is beyond me. I had her hidden from showing on my newsfeed anyway but just feel I meant so little to her and she couldn't even respect me enough to tell me she was seeing someone when I asked for another go at things. Whats funny is that my ex and I had first chatted a couple of years ago but the first girl I had went on a date with had warned me off her saying she's bad news - she was seeing my ex's ex at the time so there was drama going on between the 3 of them so I stayed away. I had told my ex about this a month after we got together and she was so upset about it and angry at the girl but yet she keeps this girl on her fb which is so strange to me! I actually wish now I listened to the girl but thought everyone deserves a chance right. The same girl was chatting to me a couple of weeks ago and told me she was shocked I was with my ex and said she knows things about her past and she really isn't a nice girl - I didn't ask what things because I just never know who to believe tbh and it doesn't matter now. I definitely think my ex loved the drama of her friend hating me and she did very little to stop her. When she told me about her friend hitting on her she said she was going to avoid her for a while and not drink when she was around her but a couple of days later they were drinking and hanging out at her house - drama queens for sure!

    I def won't ever be contacting her. I shown her my emotions too much and I regret that and feel embarrassed for trying but I guess its a learning curve - first cut is the deepest and all that!! . Even when my feelings fade for her I don't even want or need her as a friend. I'll be on friendly terms with her but I'm not losing anything important from her in that way. Think I just miss having someone more than anything else.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry you were treated so badly, it really sounds like you cared a great deal and you had tried. Even though it did end badly, you were right to make up your own mind and not just listen to gossip because you can't trust that completely either. Yes, she was relishing in her best friend's attention in secret but hid it well from the beginning by defending you. Then she did a 180 at the end to make you look wrong and justify her craziness.

    You don't deserve any of this bad treatment and someone will come along and appreciate the kind of love and attention you offer her.
     
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  5. Spud84

    Spud84 Member

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    Thanks greylin :) Yeah will hopefully meet someone who will be nicer and minus any drama or jealous friends!!
     
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