Shitty situation

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Lollapalouza, Feb 11, 2017.

  1. Lollapalouza

    Lollapalouza Member

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    Hello wonderful AE fellow members!

    So, here's my situation.
    I live in a place where there is no lgbtq community. The majority of queer women are deep in the closet and the ones who are not (the same faces again and again at the one and only gay bar in town) are not to my liking. I have tried to find girls via dating apps, but so far it has lead to unsuccessful dating. Most of these girls are bicurious at best, or (as it turned out in a few occasions) assholes.

    Now, I love being single, but I have really missed just falling in love and finding happiness with another person.

    After keeping all these in mind, a while ago, I did find one girl through a dating app. And she is one of the most amazing people I've met. She is so giving and I can tell by her actions and words that she deeply cares about me. She doesn't push me, she supports me and she gives me my space. However.. I feel no sexual attraction to her at all. I have tried pushing myself to fall for her, but I just can't. And I just find myself wondering.. what should I do? When I had told her that I don't feel sexual attraction, she had said that I should just take my time and that she likes me and I shouldn't push myself. But I can't help but wonder.. is it worth it? She is pretty, I'm not gonna lie, but her entire behaviour (she is super shy and can barely look me in the eyes after several weeks) is such a major turn off for me, I just can't see myself touching her in any way other than maybe in a friendly manner.

    What should I do? And in this sorry excuse of a place where being lgbtq is hidden in shame, what can I do?
    I just want to fall in love with someone and have my feelings reciprocated.. Is it really too much to ask?!
     
    #1
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Move somewhere with more out, queer women.

    And no, you can't make yourself fall for someone, no matter how lovely of a person they are.
     
    #2
    rainydaze likes this.
  3. Lollapalouza

    Lollapalouza Member

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    Thank you for the reply, but if I could move somewhere like that, trust me I would. For now, for the next 2-3 years, I am stuck in this place.
     
    #3
  4. RLrose

    RLrose Member

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    Don't force it. if there is no sexual attraction or chemistry there, then you 99% of the time can't change it. And if it changes and you can hook up with her, I highly doubt that will last. Wouldn't you want to find someone who makes you want to jump in bed with them and you can't get enough of? Youll find someone, just keep putting yourself out there. If there is a big city near by then go visit there often.
     
    #4
  5. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    If you want sexual chemistry, you shouldn't agree to a relationship without it. If you are going to be constantly hoping that you'll want to tear her clothes off, and you're always disappointed, that's going to become a harmful dynamic between you, where she doesn't understand what she's doing wrong because you said she was what you wanted (but you were lying).

    If you want companionship and a relationship more than sexual attraction, and you're willing to just have this romantic friendship - and she also thinks that sounds fulfilling and fun - then that's not a bad choice. But don't choose this when what you want is the other.

    And, hate to be a downer, but sometimes "just falling in love and having [your] feelings reciprocated" IS too much to ask. We don't always get it, we don't always get it where we live, and we don't always get it right away. You might have to make some pretty serious changes in your life or wait a long time - to meet enough women where you are that you click with someone, or to move to someplace more open where it's easier to meet women. You can start making plans that will make that possible now, even if it doesn't come to fruition for a long time.

    Be honest. Be kind (to her, and yourself). And be patient - if this isn't it, the love you want is worth waiting for.
     
    #5
    rainydaze and Gentry like this.

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