She's acting weird.

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Bananzajellybean, Jun 26, 2015.

  1. Bananzajellybean

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    So, I've been talking to this girl for abt 2 months now. We met through a mutual friend. Everything was going well; we texted everyday and we've met up a few times. And we kinda like each other but she told me that she's not keen to be in a relationship right now but she's enjoying the company and going with the flow. I was a bit disappointed but I don't see the rush anyways so I'm just going with the flow too. (Complicated, yes I know.) But anyways, recently she has been acting odd. She's sort of been giving me the silent treatment after the last time we met which was a week ago. The met up was fine until she found out that I went to a club a week ago and she was like,"why didn't you tell me?" I find it a bit odd that she asked me that because we are just friends. I brushed it off. Then I told her that there were a lot of girls there and bla bla bla and I noticed her expression changed. Then she asked me whether I hooked up with girls or ask for a girl's number whenever I go to a club. I said no because that wasn't my intention when I go to clubs. Then she was sort of relieved? Then the next day was fine but after that, no more texts and and sometimes doesn't even reply at all. So a few days back I texted her asking if she's well and all. She replied saying that she's okay and thanked me for asking. Then the silence again. It's driving me crazy. I want to ask her but I don't want to seem weird because we have no attachments or whatever and push her away further. But I do think that she's been busy at work lately and probably I'm just being a little bit paranoid. So maybe any advice would be great as I do miss talking to her. Thanks.
     
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  2. aussie_gabby

    aussie_gabby Well-Known Member

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    Well, if i was you i'd figure out what it is you want with this girl. Do you want to date her? How strong of a crush do you have on her? If you like her, ask her out. But it kind of sounds like she's playing games with you. It sounds like she doesn't want to date you right now, but she doesn't want you to see other people. That's not fair. You can't wait around to see if she'll be interested in dating.

    So, back to my original suggestion. If you like her, ask her out. Going on a couple of proper dates is not jumping straight into a relationship but it gives a more clear definition that you want to see what happens romantically. If it goes well, maybe both of you will decide you want to start something for real. If she's not interested in dating in you, or if she's not 'in that place' for dating right now, tell her you understand and are happy to be friends. And move on a bit. Ask for the occasional number, date other women. You don't deserve to be pushed around.

    I think it's unfair that she plays hot and cold. Women who play those games are nothing but girls, If she was truly interested in you, she would't give you the cold shoulder. I don't know how old you are but that's high school games.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to talk :)
     
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  3. Bananzajellybean

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    Hey thanks for advice! Anyways, the thing is I don't know what I want with this girl. I mean there is a potential of me wanting to go further but it's still too early to say. I texted her a few days back and she replied. She said she's just not in the mood to talk to anyone. So I guess I'm just gonna leave her alone for now.
     
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  4. sela9

    sela9 Well-Known Member

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    I'd let her be and maker her come to you. If she wants to talk then she can contact you but if she isn't in the mood to talk and doesn't reply then I would back off a bit. You guys aren't anything, so you shouldn't be uncomfortable to talk about going to a club with your friends and feel the need to hold back on info. Why let her make you feel this way or even confused?
     
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  5. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    As long as two people are not in a serious / committed relationship, then what right does she have to you? You're aren't dating, she wanted slow, nothing is for certain at this point. So go to clubs with your friends. And yeah, if you are an adult - you can get phone numbers or make out with whoever you want. Straight, gay or bi - until two people state they are "exclusive", its not... especially if one or both of you are using statements like "we're friends".

    Friends don't get upset or jealous when another friend is making out or having sex with another person. If she is new to dating, this is understandable. But as adults, this is an emotional game. She needs to talk more about her feelings, her thoughts on this relationship. But this sort of thing can happen in our 40s, 50s... etc. Its just a matter if that is how you want to play. Since life is short, drama is exhausting - I personally prefer the UPFRONT approach as much as possible.

    Lets be friends = Friendship. Maybe FWB, but no emotional romantic ties.
    Casual dating = some emotional, don't expect or demand exclusivity.
    Serious / Love = Open loving communications. Discuss exclusivity (even if you're open relationship or poly).
    Married = Full trust. Hopefully no games. Open about your feelings.
     
    #5
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  6. Bananzajellybean

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    So a little update, I think she kinda sensed that I like her a bit. She told a mutual friend of ours that she's just lazy to please people basically and even to commit even to text. She's sooo comfortable being single. She even passed the book that I lent to her to my friend. So to cut story short, she chose the silent treatment route rather than being honest with me. I don't understand why is she even thinking so much into our situation when we are basically nothing. So what if I do like her? That doesn't mean we have to do anything abt it. I do nice things for her because I see her as a friend and I do nice things to my friends, that's just me. Oh wells. At least I know the reason now. Thanks again for the advices guys!
     
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