She wants time to figure things out

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Danielle01, Aug 24, 2017.

  1. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    So we have been togeather for nearly 8 months everything was going great but now she needs to think about things I've always been into talking about problems but she doesn't so I have to wait till she ready to talk which I don't mind the only problem I have is that I say do you want to break up and I get in not saying that well there are still 2 people in this and my future is involed to so do o wait and let her finish it in the end anyway or just walk away from the girl I know I can see my life with I also struggle with anxiety so none of it helps me or us help me please.....
     
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  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    When it comes to thinking stuff through some people are talkers and some people internalise before speaking up. Your gf has asked for some time just so she can process. It's sucks for you, yes it does but you need to respect her wishes. It doesn't mean straight off the bat that she's going to turn round and end things. She may realise that with time without you she can then see the massive hole that creates in her world. I'd suggest that you keep yourself occupied see friends, go for walks, whatever stops you from making this the only thing you think about. I know this isn't a perfect solution but neither is making your self sick with anxiety.

    Look after yourself and give your gf the time and space she asked for.
     
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  3. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    Thank you I think your right I'm gonna start walking more while I'm struggling more in just annoyed with myself that I've turned into this person after the loss of my dad and grandad I've put more anxietys on myself so I know I need to stop this before I lose her down to my own issues as well.
     
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  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Just remember bad days happen but the shittiness isn't there to control you
     
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  5. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    I seem to be having more bad days then good days at the moment.
     
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  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear that. It won't always be that way.
     
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  7. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    Update she now doesn't know if she loves me or not anymore so im trying that no contact thing and space see of we can't work it out and see if she realises she misses me or we just go our on ways
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry to hear that you have lost your dad and granddad. I don't know if this happened during the short time you were with her but if she can't handle a little bit of sadness because of this then she won't be able to be with you during life's ups and downs. This is your decision to evaluate if you still want to be with her, not the other way around. Everyone's got ups and downs and losing one's own father and grandfather is a huge deal and far beyond just ups and downs. I am so sorry. Please don't worry about her and take your time to grieve. This maybe a blessing as you now know better whether she is the type of partner you want to keep.
     
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    Last edited: Aug 25, 2017
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  9. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I always say that when someone has to question whether she loves someone or not, then the answer is probably not the one you want to hear -- it's just that the person doesn't have the courage to be honest about it. I say this having gone through this type of stuff many times over --

    You've gone through a lot of loss, so the most important thing you can do right now is take care of yourself. If this loss happened while with your g/f, then like @greylin said she's showing herself to be the type of person you might not want to be in your life long term. Good relationships withstand the happy times, the bad times, the sad times....your partner in life should be a shoulder to lean on and a rock when things are bad for you -- she should want to build you up when you can't do it by yourself.

    Put yourself first and the rest will fall into place.
     
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  10. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    Thank you both she was with me through both she has helped me deal with it but just recently it's come back and hit me hard and I've been a shell of a person I was I know I shouldn't but I love her to much just get up and walk away so I'm trying the space thing and if she still don't want to talk in a week then I'll tell her I'm done as much as it would hurt me she be the one missing out not me.
     
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  11. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    Quick question what does it mean if she is still texting me like we did at start just talking crap it's still not giving me the answers I need but people keep saying give her space but how much
     
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  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    It means you need to call her out on that
     
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  13. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    I can't I don't want to force into talking to me she will texts then stop like she did last night and I'm not texting 1st I want her to want to miss me not just reply cos she feels she has to but only so much I can take without answers.
     
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  14. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    We are social animals and it is hard to cut all ties immediately with an ex. However, having been there myself, I know that it would have been better for me to keep that break until I have learned to feel ok by myself again. How much time is up to you. The only thing you can control is your own life and doing a break is for your sanity. If you use that break as a tool to win her back, the results may not be what you want and you would have spent all this time just thinking about her instead of moving on. That sounds pretty stressful and counter productive to me.
     
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  15. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    It's been a few days and we've talking has she has been texting me I've let go little of the prospect where never gonna be togeather again but I still need time not to see her if where to be friends again as hard as it is to let go i Will for my own piece of mind
     
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  16. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It is so hard, isn't it? I am sorry and I hope you can find it in your resolve to tell her to stop texting or just silent or block the number. I completely understand you still want her in your life but from where I am sitting having contacts from her seems torturous to you.

    Btw, I think it is great that you use your experience to share and advice others. Take care. :)
     
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  17. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    Thank you can only take things a day at a time and hope to resolve things or at least my feelings go away
     
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