She told me she's pregnant

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by amy5, Aug 12, 2013.

  1. amy5

    amy5 New Member

    Aug 12, 2013
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    *UPDATE* thanks for the thousands of replies..note the sarcasm. Idk I just hate life right about. I didn't even need advice, she's a total slut. Never once told me she was sorry for cheating, it's juts always about her, her, her. and guess what dumbass reaches out and tries to contact her when she keeps ignoring me? Me. Fuck this.

    I've always viewed the forums on this site but never gone ahead and joined or posted but I just feel like I need someone to talk to about what I'm going through or I will burst. Let me give you some background...I know this sounds stupid I actually met this girl off of a camming site, mfc, if anyone is familiar with it. We were both avid watchers when we had nothing else to do and would join rooms and have a good laugh together. We've known each other "online" for about 2 years, exchanged numbers and hardly ever talked.

    That all changed the beginning of this year. She called me up one night and we talked for hours and hours, laughing, just shooting the shit, we just "clicked"...we honestly clicked. I fell for her really fast. I know it's stupid to say fell for her when I just talked to her on the phone but I was in love. Not after one night, obviously. We FaceTimed, we talked about seeing each other and our plans. She lives in Florida, I live in New York...things weren't easy.

    I'm a jealous person, I was before she came into my life. Long distance is HARD...and if long distance is going to work...there has to be TRUST. This girl had my heart, I was locked down. We got to the point where we talked literally 24/7 on the phone, even fell asleep on it with each other. Saying I love you over and over again just to reassure each other this would work. I have a good job and she is unemployed and I wanted to support her, I'd send her about half of my check, wire it out to her. I was warned by others that she might be playing me. I mean, I'd understand that if I never talked to that girl but we were literally always talking except when I was working.

    We broke up once and I noticed she had the habit of rebounding VERY fast. I don't know if it was her self esteem or what but I couldn't get her off my mind and she ended up blocking my # lmao stalker alert on my part I guess. I just was madly in love. I got news that I was getting a bonus check and I immediately knew I had to go see her and tell myself I wasn't crazy, that we had this amazing connection. I had it all set up, September 20th through the 27th, we were going to stay at the Hard Rock (me paying obviously), I even had it down to going to Bern's Steakhouse, this supposed romantic place where she lives, just everything down to the tee...I wanted it to be romantic and everything she has ever dreamed of.

    One red flag I noticed is that EVERY one of her friends was BI or LESBIAN...I mean, how can that be? I finally asked her and A LOT of her "friends" she had met off dating sites. I'm not stupid, I graduated college my last semester with a 4.0 and graduated high school with an honors diploma...I guess did love blind me? I TRUSTED HER, SHE HAD ME!

    Fast forward to about 2 hours ago. She was quiet and not saying much and says her usual line when she doesn't want to talk, "I'm dealing with some shit." And then she starts to cry...I said is this about you being late on your period? "I'm pregnant." Now, I don't know if any of you have ever been head over heels in love with someone that claims they are lesbian and then they tell you out of the blue that they are pregnant but I can't describe that feeling...I felt my heart drop and I immediately felt sick and started shaking. She cheated....and then proceeded to :cry: not even tell me the full truth until I BEGGED it out of her.

    I said I know you like the back of my hand, you don't blackout when you drink so tell me, what did you do? She finally admits to having a threesome with one of her friends. I'm heartbroken. She is a mess, crying, everything, scared as hell.

    Do you know what hurts the most? I want to be there for her. I want to tell her it's okay and that we can get through this but this isn't my fault...she CHEATED...she CHEATED....and this is most likely just one time of many, but this time has proof, a baby.

    What is even worse? She called up the girl she slept with and the girl said she would pay to have an abortion. I am so against abortion. I can't be there for her, I don't know what to do. I told my sister and she said I deserve so much better and to move on but this girl was my world, all I ever planned for, all I ever wanted. I couldn't wait until September.

    I can't look at her the same...I can't. I just need someone to talk to, some advice, I just need someone. She even brought up the idea of having the baby and coming and living with me. She is 21, I am 25, I am not ready for that responsibility, therefore I took the appropriate steps in not becoming pregnant! I just don't know. I want to be there for her but she CHEATED....she cheated and lied so much. My heart is telling me one thing and my brain is telling me, "RUN, DUMBASS, RUN BEFORE SHE RUINS YOU." But my heart is telling me it's too late, I'm already ruined.

    Any advice would be amazing, girls...I just am at a loss and hurting so bad...thank you
  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    Hi. Post re-design, this forum is a ghost town; don't take it personally.

    Long distance can be rough, and it hides real problems. Successful LDRs need better-than-average communication and problem-solving, and if you don't figure out how to do that in the first few honeymoon months, when the chemical soup of infatuation fades you're not left with a whole lot. In this case, it sounds to me like when she started blocking you the honeymoon was over for her, without any long-term healthy habits set up. That's when this relationship really ended - way before she got pregnant, before she lied to you, before she cheated on you. It ended when it was easier for her to cut off communication with you than actually communicate. Obviously, you know what you need to do. This woman is not reliable, and this relationship is not sustainable, and she is certainly not someone you want to raise a child with - even if you were ready for a child! Move on.

    My actual advice is: you are not ruined. When this suck really bad, when your heart is broken, when you fuck up, when you have to make a big change - it can feel insurmountable, and like you will never get past it. Instead of dwelling in the hurt, use it to figure out how to avoid this next time. What flags did you ignore? What values do you need in a partner that she lacked (I'm thinking... fidelity, honesty, etc)? How will you make sure your next partner won't be the same kind of person, and hurt you in similar ways?

    And: cancel that vacation. Take the money and spend it on something else, something that you have always wanted, with a friend or your sister of something. Remove the possibility of going to see her while you're still angry, before you let doubts wiggle in.
  3. KingSchulz

    KingSchulz Member

    Aug 15, 2013
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    0 need to drop that, ho. There is nothing else to say about it. Move on. Change your number. Lose hers.
  4. Brandy Alexander

    Brandy Alexander Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    I'm a little late in replying to this post, however, suffice it to say the lack of responses are a direct result of the obvious. Your girlfriend is NOT worth her weight in salt! Be grateful the only entanglements you have with her are emotional! Cancel your vacation and any further contact with her. She is a train wreck and she will ruin you both emotionally and financially, if you allow her too! A broken heart is easier to overcome than both a financial and emotional connection combined.

    I've had my heart broken a time or two and I've always come out the other end better even if, I was staring down a black inky abyss at the time. I believe you will come out of this better too. A relationship must be 50/50 or it will not work. It must be equal parts love, trust, honesty, emotionally and financially...if one person gives more than the other resentment will set in. I have said it before and I will say it again! Don't discount yourself! You are worth only as much as what you allow others to treat you. She lied, cheated, mooched, and withheld from you. I think considering you loved her enough to want to take financial responsibility and certainly put in time communicating you're worth more than she is reciprocating.

    You have absolutely NO responsibility in regards to the pregnancy. That onus belongs to the CHEATING GF and the Dude that knocked her up. The third party a.k.a. other girl involved in the threesome has no responsibility either. It's difficult to give your heart and having it coldly pureed in a blender, but I believe you dodged a major bullet! RUN! RUN! RUN! and NEVER look back!

    Remain strong and protect yourself. Chalk this up to a HARD lesson learned. Life can suck at times, however, I believe there is always joy waiting around the next corner. Keep searching and find your JOY because you haven't yet! Good Luck!

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