She Likes Me? She Likes Me Not?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Serena_S, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. Serena_S

    Serena_S New Member

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    Long time reader, first time poster here. I'll be as brief as I can...Here's the Background

    1. I've known her for a few years - friends with both her and her GF (they broke up about 6 months ago, it was a semi-serious relationship)

    2. I always found her super attractive, but she was taken so I considered her off limits. She is no longer taken!

    3. We've been hanging out a lot in the last month or so. Many one on one outings (she has suggested, as I have I), as well as group gatherings. We recently decided to take a trip to the Keys for a few days (hhhmmm??)

    I'm just not sure if she likes me as a friend, or more?! I def sense some flirting on her part. She will touch me, makes eye contact, etc. I am generally pretty assertive but feel more shy around her. Do I need to be the one to make the first move?

    Some mixed signals come in when she chats with me about heading back into the world of dating. Would she do this if she was interested in me?

    Also, a slightly complicating factor is that our city in the Midwest is sort of small and I know her ex, too. I know it's not unusual in the queer dating world that we all know each other, but its still....
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Can you give a little more detail?

    1) how long was her last relationship?

    2) is she generally touchy feely?

    3) what kind of stuff does she say about dating again?

    4) have you been flirting back? How does that go?
     
    #2
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  3. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    I would just ask her. You seem aware enough of the down falls, small town, friends with ex, possibility to make things awkward for a bit if she's not interested... In the long run though, those are small barriers if you really want a serious relationship.

    You totally have to be the one to make the first move.
     
    #3
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  4. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    She could b missing the physical intimacy from her last relationship. ..as in, she is not getting as much touch as she was used to so is becoming more demonstrative with her friends. Often, newly broken up folks do that. I don't mean shagging necessary, just hugs, a comforting gesture etc..u know what I mean? The daily touches u get from ur partner? It can b a bit funny without that and people reach out...not always appropriately, as folks may misread their intentions. However, that's just something to consider. I can't get a feel for whether she likes u r not.
     
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  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I dunno. I vote for letting this evolve "organically," as @Moses might say.

    I think you are over thinking things. "DSLM," "do I need to make the first move," "why is she talking dating," etc...

    I don't think you need to make the first move. Nor am I in favor of a "talk" as it's only been a month. I say is she flirts, flirt back. If she looks at you, look back. If she touches you, touch back. Or hint for more intimacy. Y'know, she touches your back, you hint for a neck rub.

    Talking dating can go either way. Without knowing more details, its hard for me to judge. Gay ladies can also be friends with their gfs and talk about all kinds of stuff. It can also be a way of flirting or hinting. "My dream date would be..."

    You likely won't know in one big swoop - DSLM, is she serious, will it work? You're probably going to have to go bit at a time. 'Does she reciprocate my flirting?' 'When she describes her dream date, is that me?' Have we been flirting and spooning for awhile now, but she still talks about her OK Cupid profile? Or has she quit talking about that and started making more future plans for us?
     
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  6. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    Ooohhh Blue, I do believe I almost have u converted :p
     
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  7. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Lady, I got that insight from years of therapy. :D
     
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  8. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    Whether to make the first move (and of course what move that would be) depends largely on you. You said you find her attractive but that is not the same as wanting to date her.

    I will be equally brief and general as your background was. If you are interested in her for something more serious (I am thinking you are friends already) then you "organically" assume the corresponding attitude. For example, spend time alone.

    About her ex, unless her ex is your best friend, I don't see too much of a complication.
     
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  9. Serena_S

    Serena_S New Member

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    First off, you are all amazing. I am impressed with all the replies! I feel a bit more confident now.

    For @Bluenote
    1 - 3 years
    2 - I don't see her being as touchy with other friends but I also haven't been looking too much
    3 - She's online dating, hasn't said much except that she doing it
    4 - I am definitely flirting - touch, prolonged eye contact, plenty of laughter and smiling back and forth.

    And yes, I think allowing it to evolve organically is the best thing here. I think coming out and saying, "Oh hey, I want to date you," would be too awkward. I may see how reaching for her hand goes, can't go wrong there and not as risky as a kiss!

    I will post if I have an update after seeing her this weekend!
     
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  10. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    It sounds pretty promising. I think it is pretty normal for someone who got out of a relationship to a) take some time off b) enjoy themselves when they step back into the dating pool. So I don't see the online dating thing a sign that you are in the "friend zone."

    It does sound like she enjoys being around you. So I say just go for it and see where it goes.
     
    #10
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  11. Serena_S

    Serena_S New Member

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    No major update but wanted to share. We hung out a lot over the weekend. Shared a few meals, did some Xmas shopping together, etc. I still think she likes me and I am sure, now more than ever, that she is a woman who does not rush into stuff.

    I think this is a good lesson for myself of why being in the moment is so key. You never know when things might shift, so enjoying things for what they are is really important.
     
    #11
    Bluenote likes this.

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