She knows but ain't confused

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by LilUnicorn, Jan 20, 2015.

  1. LilUnicorn

    LilUnicorn Member

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    Hello everyone!

    Here's my story.
    Well... I'm gay, she's straight (maybe bi) and has a boyfriend, lets call her L.
    We've been studying for 3 years now in the same group but almost never payed attention at each other. She thought I'm hard to get along with because of my artistic nature and kind of weirdness. And she seemed a bit annoying for me.
    If it wasnt about the case we'd never start comunicating.
    It was an international program we've been selected (her boyfriend who's in our group didn't pass the interview) so we had to get to know each other when the program started (Oct 2014). In 3 days we became like friends: she started hugging me on the second day and on the third day when we were selebrating the last day of the 1st session at the restaurant we were dancing together and been like blowned with emotions toward each other (it was based on the same interests we figured out that day as well).
    It was kind of hook up... I thought... She's actually not my type at all but her attitude to me.. I've been tampered somehow..
    Well.. L was full of emotions getting to know me and I even was her idol (as she told) because of my interests and things I'm good at like painting, cooking, dancing, photography etc. And after her best friend's death she never met a girl like me. She invited me to a Jazz cafe because we both like Jazz, even though she was super busy (we didnt manage to go there though).
    When she went to another city with her bf and some girls for a week she missed me much and when we met she hugged me so strong and held my hand the way when fingers intertwined (I was even shocked that moment)
    So we were hugging and cuddling when it was for the case, even when her boyfriend was around. Like we can stand together waiting for something and she can kiss me on the cheek and hug. And by the way L loves more about me than about her bf. Even if he has some qualities I have, I got em like stronger. (but this is just what I see)
    Once I went to the club alone to the concert and we were chatting on the phone she said she wanted to be with me at that moment but she couldn't. Even though she's not into that type of music.
    What else.. She loves one of my photos so much like I'm so sensitive on it . And she actually likes my sensualism)))
    She likes my jokes and tells me often that I'm cute or look nice.
    Once she gave me some type of a hint that she's bi.
    Sometimes we kissed on the lips when leaving, one time it was even close to the "real" kiss, but when I tried to kiss her again that way a few days after she pulled back saying I'm maniac. By the way, when I was at her place I kissed her back near the neck while she was washing dishes and she wasn't mind (got no idea what she felt)
    One day I started acting strange when she was around like something happened. It was about her, it was my feelings that appeared because of my confusions about her and yes I kind of fell in love with her. I couldn't tell her what happened but she wanted to know and didn't like that situation. Now I think it's because of her being some type of a control reak.
    One day I decided ti tell her I'm gay and I like her even though she must guess it. I told her on Skype. She wasnt surprised and told she knew it and she wasn't gonna change her attitude. She were glad I told her (yep, control freak though :D )
    After that I was trying to avoid her, I had a feeling I don't like her no more after my confession, but donno why. Once I didn't tell her I was leaving (without meeting up in the university) she resented.
    I was actually pretty quiet about L after that case. But when the second session of our program started, everything got back but in another phase. It was in another country, we were living in single rooms in the hotel. One day we were having some kind of party at L's room with girls and one guy. I was laying on L, she was holding my hand and kissing it. In the last day L accepted my request to sleep in her room (I jist was afraid to oversleep ))). When I came to her room she were walking in her undewear packing her things. Okay...
    We fell asleep holding hands.
    I asked her why she continued hugging me n stuff after my confession, she said: "The fact that you're gay doesn't mean that I have to treat you another way."
    I think it's weird to keep this type of physical contact with a person you treat only as a friend :/

    When I asked her about me (recently) she said: "Sometimes I'm afraid to hurt you or get you too close, that's why I do everything accurate.On one hand I feel relaxed around you, but at the same time I feel ill at ease because sometimes it's hard to comunicate."

    I hope I ain't forgot nothing to tell.


    P.S.

    Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker,
    and thanks for reading!

    I hope someone will help me to look at this situation from another angle.
    At least it will entertain somebody)
     
    #1
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure what you are asking?

    It seems as though she is
    a) infatuated with you, but doesn't have sexual feelings
    or
    b) has sexual feelings too, but is in denial about them

    Either way, she is not available to you and she has a bf. It is painful to you to be so wound up in someone you can't have. For your sake, you need some boundaries between you two. And to start dating women who are gay and available.

    Good luck.
     
    #2
  3. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    I don't think she is interested. The time you tried to kiss her and she pulled back is kind of a strong sign that she isn't. Some people like physical touch and closeness in their friendships. That works out fine with two straight girls, but when one of you is a gay girl, then there are problems. The problem is that you see all these interactions as romantic because you like girls and that is how you would behave if you liked someone. I think your friend doesn't understand that really. She needs to put boundaries in place with you around touch, but perhaps feels that she shouldn't have to treat you differently because you are gay. Perhaps she feels it would be wrong to treat you differently because you are gay, but really what she is doing at the moment isn't good for you. It is confusing for you and probably making you unhappy. Perhaps you could explain to your friend that all this touching is confusing for you as you like girls and ask her if it would be OK to express your affection in different non-touchy ways for a while until things become clearer for you.
     
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    Spygirl likes this.

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