She is unable to flirt

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by dulcinea, Jan 10, 2014.

  1. dulcinea

    dulcinea Member

    Jan 10, 2014
    Likes Received:
    Dear AE community,

    How do you flirt with someone, who simply can’t flirt? There is this girl I really like and we get along very well. We have a lot in common and even though we live in different countries at the moment (not for long anymore though) we’ve become really close lately, writing long letters to each other and seeing each other from time to time. We are both gay (she definitely knows that I am), both single and I have a feeling she likes me as well.

    The problem is, that she is really uneasy and awkward when it comes to anything connected to relationships, love or sexuality. Last time we met, I brought up some harmless stuff related to those topics a couple of times and each time, she quickly changed the subject, didn’t pick up on it or talked about it in a way completely unrelated to herself, just in a general or political way. Normally I have no problem with flirting with someone, but with her - I just don’t know how to and I don’t know how to get closer to her as more than a friend. If it keeps going like this, we’re going to end up in each others friendzones, even if neither of us wants that. I’m complimenting her and she doesn’t „mind“ that, but it’s not really leading anywhere. She is just not playful and easygoing, she is quite an uptight, tense person. It’s just her personality and I know that it has nothing to do with me.

    So how can I approach her in that way? I remember being like that myself. Even if I really liked someone, I was unable to flirt or even reciprocate flirting from someone. I was just so awkward with it. Time made it better for me, but she is 28 already, and for me it took years until it got easier. I don’t know if or when she will change in that way and I don’t want to change her anyway. But it’s just really hard right know.
    Do you have any ideas how to treat her, what to do?
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    Treat her the way she likes to be treated. You probably need someone to do the same for you.

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