She is my manager, and she is making me confused...

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by kickjessica, Dec 31, 2014.

  1. kickjessica

    kickjessica Member

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    Actually I was not sure if I should just make a post here but I have no other resort to say this feeling out loud and I thought I have been dying inside. Ok here the story goes…

    Let’s call her C. She is the sales manager. I am a rookie just graduated from university. I have been working in this company for half a year. I still remember the day I first met her, but I didn’t have any thoughts by that time, I just couldn’t tell her age coz she is literally a Korean and her outfit is kinda sophisticated compared to other coworkers. She is 30 and turning 31. And she is not seeing anyone currently.

    I was not supposed to be directly in her team, I was just responsible for some simple paper work and stuff, so we hadn’t had much interaction at all for the first three months. But I still could observe her every move from the position I sat, not that I wanted to be a stalker, it was all a coincidence. And as times went by I started to be more and more caring about her and I don’t even know why. She is not pretty at all, I mean, not that I don’t find her attractive, it’s just she is not the type of woman that you find her breathtaking or stunning from the first glance, but she does have a good taste of fashion. Anyways, she is not the type of people that I usually have feelings for.

    I found the job very boring and I decided to quit it so I just told the HR manager about this, and she suggested that I should be transferring to C’s team if I wanted to learn something more. (Btw many of my colleagues know that I feel something for C but they just assert that I simply admire C for her talent). Honestly speaking I didn't think it was a good idea, coz I know C can be very strict sometimes when it comes to work, and I had the feeling that all my affection towards C would soon be gone if I work directly with her. But I chose to stay in the company, maybe part of me just wanted to be close to her, and it is true, I admit it.

    Our relationship as coworkers started off very well, we got to know each other more by causal chatting. I can feel her kinda like me despite that fact I don’t what kind of feeling she has for me. Maybe she treats me as a little girl or little sister, but I just can’t tell coz sometimes I can sense her steal glances from me, sometimes she acts quite distant from me. Alright, I was the one who broke the ice from the very beginning. I took a first step to express my concern towards her. I just find her a bit pitiful coz she seems alone with not many people daring to talk to her, so I initiate the talking, message her or buy her snacks from time to time. Btw we are all Kongkongers in the company and C is a Korean speaking very well in English and Japanese.

    So, I guess I left quite a good impression becoz of the effort i made. And speaking of work, she pampered me when I didn’t know what and how to handle those tasks, and she comforted me when I did something wrong as well. Once she required me to correct some documents several times and she said something like, please don’t hate me for making you do such thing. No, I said, why would I. And I joked, please don’t hate me for being dumb. And she replied, no, never happen. I didn't know what to say. How could she be so sure that she would not hate me or dislike me? I mean, we've just met and known each other for a very short time, but she was so determined to say something like she would never ever hate me. Was she hinting something? Or it’s just me overreacting upon her saying?

    Another thing that makes me feel she kinda like me is she watches my every move when she thinks I do not notice. She would steal glances from me when she thinks I am concentrating or occupied by something, like, once she was standing right by my left when I was doing stuff, I didn't quite notice her at first, but I just sensed someone’s watching me so I turned to my left and saw her look intensely at me. She looked stunned when she found out that I knew she was staring right at me and I found it really weird and I didn't know what she intended to. Something like this happens quite often. She would stare at me when I am talking to and making jokes with someone while I am turning my back towards her, then she would look away abruptly when I am done talking and face to her again. Oh btw I sit right next to her so I can feel that she looks at me.

    The weirdest thing is, one time we asked each other if we were seeing someone and that kind of thing, I just told her that I have never been in a relationship before, she suddenly asked me if I was actually into girls. I was caught off guard so I fell into silence for a second, then I gathered myself and replied that I just wanna find someone who understands me regardless of their gender. She said it was very convenient for me to date someone if I wanna be in a relationship. It was quite odd coz I have told many people about me not having dated anyone before, but people just comforted me like, oh you will find a boyfriend soon, or, what kind of guys are you into, or you should open yourself up to boys and stuff, no one has ever asked me so directly if I actually like girls as C did. Coz, ya know, same-sex orientation in HK is not as prevailed as in western regions, and people won’t ask someone if they are gay or not in such a straight way as it is quite offensive when meeting new people, despite Hong Kong being a rather free Asian city. That’s why I think, maybe, she has some feelings for me, but I can’t be sure that she is just being curious or actually growing affection towards me.

    Ok I’ll stop here. There is still something to come, and I will keep this thread updated.

    Thank you for you ladies reading this thread, it would be appreciated if some advice/comment is left.
     
    #1
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Don't go there with your manager. Please don't have some weird power imbalance thing as your first relationship. It's normal to have crushes on someone older. But it's not good to get so wrapped up in a fantasy that you disconnect from real life. And trying to act on it with her wouldn't be a good thing.

    Take a step back from her. If you can't you need to find another job. If she was just older, but not your manager, maybe it'd be different...
     
    #2
    Just Me and Spygirl like this.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    She is your mentor and is acting as such (watching you closely, etc) and nothing more. She is being incredibily frank asking you about your orientation but it is a benigh concern of a mentor. You handled her question adroitly for the situation and company culture you are in.

    She likes you as a protégé because of your talents and probably because her situation is lonely in the company and you are nice to her and have shown that you care about her. I understand how you feel and have been there myself. It is quite natural to feel that way about an interesting woman. It is your taste in women deveoping is all. You sound like a genuine person and she is good to you at work, just enjoy that aspect of it.
     
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  4. Kaiden

    Kaiden Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, she probably asked if you are into girls so she can know the reason why you are being so good to her.
     
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  5. kickjessica

    kickjessica Member

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    i totally get it, and I know there's never gonna be anything between us, it's just sometimes she keeps doing something that makes me confused even though I have been stepping backward from her. But...you're right, I'm just gonna keep try treating her as just a typical manager and nothing more. :)
     
    #5
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  6. kickjessica

    kickjessica Member

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    Haha I knew it, yeah I probably just indulge myself too much in my own fantasy. But the thing is, she is not literally my mentor at all and there is no need for her to just watch me over/ keep an eye on me/ monitor me, and the way she stares at me is just really really weird without any possible explanation. But I do agree that she is a bit lonely needs someone to care for her and that is the reason why she kinda fabours me as I am the one who truly cares about her in the office. Anyways, I would't let myself down becoz of this no more. Thank you for your advice :)
     
    #6
  7. kickjessica

    kickjessica Member

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    Oh no I hope not....:confused:
    Coz if that is the case I have just put myself in a very embarrassing situation...
     
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  8. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    I respectfully disagree with you. She may not hold an official title as your mentor, however, as your manager and superior she has a responsibility, specially when you just graduated. So she is mentor of sorts. If she is as strict about work as you say, it does make sense to be observant of her team. Furthermore, it makes sense to keep a closer eye on a trainee, i.e., you.

    She seems good with details, hence her question about being into girls. However, I would not read that as anything more than her good instincts. I know Asian cultures are in general reserved and respectful of personal matters, however, I do find Koreans to be direct, almost blunt, in a good way of course (disclaimer: don't take this to seriously, I base my opinion in my limited experience with Korean friends).

    I think her interest in you is friendly but still limited to professional matters.

    Good luck.
     
    #8

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