She is acting bizarre around me

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by GreenBeen, Nov 19, 2014.

  1. GreenBeen

    GreenBeen Well-Known Member

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    Hey,

    About a year ago, at my University bookstore where I work, there's a girl who started working with us. We got along quite well from the get-go, liked the same books, same hobbies, talked non stop. We would laugh a lot around each other, and I will admit, I did develop a crush on her. I never did openly flirt with her, although, she has caught me staring at her a few times, and she would tease me about it and say how she can see me looking at her, and she would laugh about it. We would have lingering eye contact, she would smile at me a lot, as I would do to her, but I never did say anything openly about my crush, knowing that she had a boyfriend. She did not know I was a lesbian either, however one time I mentioned an ex-girlfriend, so indirectly she knew I liked women. When summer ended, I went back home to visit my family for a few weeks and when I came back to work, she started acting very strange with me. She was not saying hello to me anymore, she would look away when ever I'd pass her direction, she wouldn't look at me anymore, to the point that she deleted me on facebook. I don't understand what happened. I had tried to think of something I could of done, but nothing came to mind.I couldn't understand why she was acting so cold around me. I did not ask her why because I didn't want to create any conflict at work, so I let her be. It did hurt my feelings because I couldn't understand why she cut me off like this. Recently however, she has started smiling at me again and talking to me a bit, but there is still a strange distance between us.

    Although, I don't understand why she is acting like this, only two things come to mind:

    1)She did not want to lead me on, and perhaps felt uncomfortable and thought I was flirting so she decided ignore me like this to send me an indirect message.

    2)Perhaps she realized she had a crush on me too and it freaked her out and she didn't/doesn't know how to deal with it, so she decides to cut me out like this to try to forget about it.

    Either way, it is/was pretty extreme for her to suddenly start acting cold and ignoring me without me not knowing why. Sometimes I feel like asking her if everything is okay, but I feel kind of awkward doing it.

    What do you guys think of this?
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think the key is that she deleted you from fb. If she simply had some emerging feelings for you and she wanted to not act on it, she might have kept the fb connection but would have just distanced herself in person. The fb thing may have been a boyfriend asking her "who's this?" and she got scared. So, probably a combination, she found herself thinking about you way too much and her boyfriend may have asked and she panicked.

    I think your instincts are very good in this. You didn't ask her when she was in full avoidance mode and she is now relaxing a little bit. She is scared and seems like with the work situation the ball is in her court. If she acts weird again, it is perfectly okay to ask her if everything's okay. Or, if you ever get to chat her up ask her how she was when you were away.
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She sounds a bit passive aggressive.
    When people "tell me" what they think of me through their actions, I listen. If she wanted to be a friend (or more) she wouldn't do all this weird drama with deleting you on fb, avoiding you, etc...

    I think the real issue is that you have a crush on her. So you are being kinda biased in your thinking. You are playing up any positive connection between you guys (we made eye contact!) and downplaying the negative (she unfriended you).

    It doesn't matter exactly why she freaked out, it just matters that she did freak out. Bf pressure? Family pressure? Internalized homophobia? Who knows, but these are all deeper issues that will get in the way of you guys being friends and / or gfs. Not stuff that will go away with a few nice conversations. I wouldn't even bother asking her if stuff is OK, because she's just going to lie anyhow.

    The truth is that she is not going to date you anytime soon and not without much drama happening first. You would be much better off to distance yourself from her and widen your circle of out, cute gay girls. Get involved in the campus LGBTQXYZ group, take up softball, go out to clubs, take up knitting, whatever it takes to meet more out gals.

    Y'know, girls who don't have bfs and don't randomly unfriend you.

    Be careful about what you do at work. You don't need her freaking out on you and filing some kind of sexual harassment complaint or something. She's already shown herself to be a bit back stabby.
     
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  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Bluenote nailed it. You don't have an honest friendship/relationship/anything right now and are not even on the level where you two can communicate meaningfully. The real question is: have you been honest with yourself? Have you -- intentionally or not -- pushed boundaries with her? Weird stuff like unfriending you on Facebook doesn't happen without a valid reason -- have you really not flirted with her, especially when you consider in your options that she thought you might have been flirting?

    Lots of times we see what we want to see and ignore things that are obvious. With someone this hot and cold,you'd be setting yourself up for all kinds of drama.
     
    #4
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  5. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    Green Bean, I was sure I had replied to this but hey ho. The facebook thing I'm not sure about, some people are kinda meh about the whole thing. It's not the be all and end all. Have things improved any? I would just go ahead and ask her how she is, that you've noticed she's been quiet of late. You might get a one word answer, you might get a breakdown. Who knows. For your sake, I hope it's the one word - "Shag?" Good luck!
     
    #5
  6. GreenBeen

    GreenBeen Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all for the advices.

    Update: she has started acting friendly again. One day we were alone in a room,and I simply asked her how I've been noticing that things between us have been awkward, and that she seemed angry with me. She sort of didn't know what to answer. And then she said that she wasn't mad at me. Someone entered the room, so I assume she didn't want to continue talking about it. She never mentioned anything, and neither did I, afterwards. ive noticed her staring at me a few times from across the room. To be honest, I did have a crush on her. But I never, ever openly flirted with her. Like mentioned in my post, the only thing I did was that she caught me staring at her, and she would laugh about it with me. Oh and I'm not so worried about this, I'm on online dating sites, I go to lesbian bars, hang out with lesbian friends so I am trying to meet eligible lesbians. It's just that I found this situation confusing. I act cordial towards her, but I don't go out of my way to talk to her anymore.
     
    #6
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