She forgot my birthday

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Beast_Unleashed, Jul 28, 2013.

  1. Beast_Unleashed

    Beast_Unleashed Active Member

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    Hi ladies! I mostly an AE lurker (one time poster, but everything worked out in the end). This sucks because the first draft got swallowed by AE and it took so long to write down as I'm postin from my mobile T.T

    I'll probably be more brief this time

    so, basically, I have been in a long distance relationship with this girl for a total of ten years, give or take. We have had our ups and downs, we have broken up, we have dated other people, we have seen each other and had the best and most intense sex ever. You name it. We have gone through it and been able to work it out in the end somehow, so it is a pretty solid relationship.

    Now - to be fair, a bit of the background of what's been going on lately is that she got this new job that has kept her insanely busy for the past couple of months. I know that a few guys have given up their chase on her because of how busy she's been. We also have mutual friend that are a bit upset about her ignoring pretty much everyone, but I've been supportive about it. It's an excellent opportunity to her and we've been able to stay in touch one way or another. It's not like it used to be, but once she gets promoted she will have more time, so this is just a phase.

    So, because of this, we haven't been able to talk much. I found out she's been sick through one of her family memeber and then our conversation went like this:

    Me: J? You there?
    J: I'm passing out. Been throwing up a lot. Happy almost bday love. I keep panicking I'm going to forget, so I remind myself each time I write down the date
    Me (three hours later): are you okay?!? I'm right here if you need me.. I'm here..

    So, I felt bad that she had gone to bed feeling like shit, so I posted this cute image on her facebook wall. This all happened Thursday. Friday, I was away all day partying it up on my pre birthday bash and Saturday was my actual birthday, so I didn't get ahold of the Internet either. Sunday I start checking my messages and responding to each of them and.. Surprise. Nothig from her. Now, before you start attacking me telling me she was probably bedridden, nay, she wasn't. And I know this because she responded to the image I had posted to her that very same day. Nothing big, though. Just a like with a smiley. But still, she had been online! She could have said something... And I know she wasn't feeling bad either because she was also cheerful about this other image that someone else posted on her wall.

    So, here's the thing:

    - she's my lobster and she couldn't even acknowledge my $€%#*¥£ birthday?!
    - she was online that same bloody day!!
    - I feel bad that I'm hurt about this when she did kinda remember a few days before through the aforementioned text conversation. But I'm hurt damnit!
    - I don't want to compare or anything, but I'm always doing huge things for her on her birthday. And I get her the most kickass gifts ever. Now, I don't do it for the sake of her doin the same to me. Course not. But it would have been nice if she hadn't totally ignored it, when I had shown her that I think birthdays are a big deal.

    So I don't know what to think. Am I overreacting? You know, I can't be objective about my own damn situation, which is why I need you beautiful ladies' advice... What now?

    Oh and P.S.? I already told her something about it. I commented under the pic I posted on her wall, beneath her smiley, something along the lines of, '... You really didn't remember..' I HOPE she gets the hint. I want to gauge her reaction.

    P.S. 2: I can't believe he totally ignored it when facebook REMINDS you that it's someone's birthday?? grrrr ';..;' this sucks

    thank you everyone that read this! Even if you don't comment.. I know I've done it too.. Heh..

    Cheers,
    ~BU
     
    #1
  2. Beast_Unleashed

    Beast_Unleashed Active Member

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    P.S. 3: please ignore the multiple spelling mistakes! It was so autocorrect's fault, but it bugs me so much how my post has such blatant mistakes! :S
     
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hi Beast_Unleashed, a belated happy birthday. I want to say you are over reacting, but I know I can't because I would have thought all kinds of things too given the same circumstance and a long distance relationship. I have been disappointed in a lot of my birthdays and I have disappointed people too. One year, I knew my partner's bday was coming up and had everything planned but somehow that same morning, it completely wiped from my mind. I wasn't even ill and I had all kinds of gadgets to remind me and still I forgot first thing in the morning when she got a call from an old friend. I was asking what the occasion was! I mean, I was really disappointed in myself. It was a good thing that she didn't take it to heart. Sounds like your gal was so so worried about forgetting she did do it. I hope you can forgive her and forget.

    Another thing I learned to do for my own birthday is to plan everything and invite people and tell them not to give gifts. I can't stand it when gift giving turns into a must. I also don't want to be dragged to things I don't like, so I make my own plans and not expect people to do something special for me. I actually find that a lot more fun.

    And btw, it couldn't have been fun for her that she was far away, alone and sick the days you were celebrating your birthday.
     
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  4. Beast_Unleashed

    Beast_Unleashed Active Member

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    I'm a big fan of your advice, Greylin. Thank you for sharing :)

    I'm afraid the circumstances have changed. She posted earlier on my facebook wall some bullshit line about how she wasn't supposed to be online and how she was supposedly sneaking on to wish me a happy
    belated birthday. Which totally sucked. It would have been better if she hadn't said anything at all because she didn't even apologise or anything.. She wasn't even phased. Like she totally forgot the fact that she commented on the image that I had posted to her on my actual birthday. So I know it's bullshit he shouldn't be online. she had no issue then. I'm so pissed off and hurt... Damnit.

    Then below my last comment that I left on the image, in which I had mentioned how she hadn't remembered, she went ahead and responded that she was confused and she didn't know what she should remember about the image. God I'm so hurt. I want to respond to her facebook post (since she ended it with a 'love you') with a "go love on this, you b****" and send her a picture of my finger. F*ck this hurts.
     
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  5. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    LOL, sorry for finding some humor in this. But damage control is so transparent to us as women isn't it? I suppose you are this angry because she is using that on you instead of just calling and say, "Hey, hope your birthday was fun and I was so out of it I screwed up." Be that as it may, she was not out to hurt you or belittle things that are important to you. If she was clumsy about your birthday and the explanations after, I don't think she is the kind that wants you feeling this badly. She was sick and she was working herself into a zombie, in the scheme of things, if she was my partner, I would choose to believe that she was just doing her best.

    I know you were wondering why she could comment on stuff on FB and couldn't take a moment to do your birthday some justice. And that is just it, comments can be mindless (mine often are) but to make a birthday wish on the person who is the most important person to you takes more thought. I suspect she tried so hard to be perfect she just missed it all together. If she had been throwing up Thursday night, she was just recovering Sat. If your partner was sick and throwing up and tried telling you she was stressed about your birthday, she really had you in mind and really worried *sick* about missing it. If I were that sick I would not care anything about birthdays, not even if Marilyn Monroe had stripped naked and sang a soulful, "Happy..birthday...greylin."

    I am probably missing a lot of history on your relationship and maybe some subtlety was also lost on me. I do hope that you can work out this disconnect with her on skype or maybe even in person. The disconnect was there before your birthday and you have spent a lot of ink on that before describing the birthday part. I think that is something to really look into. What are your plans for this relationship? Is she working like a demon in order to compensate for an uncertain future?
     
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  6. Beast_Unleashed

    Beast_Unleashed Active Member

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    I suppose there's some humour in this. I just... I don't think she's as sick as she's making me think she is. Some guy tagged her and a few more people saying how they had had a blast Saturday night. So it all boils down to her not giving it much importance. I'm nowhere near as pissed as I Was yesterday, however, I am now leaning more on the sad side.

    See, you're right. It's not only her not acknowledging my birthday anymore. It's more about the fact that I feel she just takes me for granted. For instance, each month I pay for her school loan to help her with that and she didn't even acknowledge it or said thank you last time.. And it's a lot of money, too.. So I suppose her forgetting my birthday was just the topping of the cake. There's nothing more that I would have wanted than to wait for her to settle, ask her to marry me, and move to the USA to be with her forever. But right now I don't want to talk to her. I want her to stop taking me for granted so that she can appreciate me once more... Or am I just mental for thinking like this? :(

    thank you so much for your kind words.

    ~BU
     
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  7. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Dear Beast_Unleashed, I am sorry that I was a bit at sea with situation you are in. I get the picture a bit better now. Yes, if she was already partying it up Sat., she could have done better to acknowledge your birthday and apologize for messing up later. If I were her, I would have gone "oh sh*t" and called you after seeing your note about forgetting. Yes, I did chuckle at her clumsiness but now I really think she could have put in a lot more effort.

    One thing that really sucks for me is when I do nice things for someone and those things become the source of my discontent. One time, I lent somebody some money, no questions asked because he sounded desperate, and I found out it was used on a person who was abusive to my friend. You do really nice things for her, you make a big deal on her birthday and you pay her tuition. Those are very constructive things to a relationship, and to building a life together. But they are now also sources of your anger because you feel slighted and taken for granted. I talked about an uncertain future before, do you feel that all you are doing is scaffolding for an uncertain future? What do you mean you are waiting for her to settle? In what sense, as in where she lives?

    Also, when your only good communication is on fb and people often post the funnest moments and all you see is she having fun without you and vice versa can be quite vexing at times for a long distance relationship. I know I would find the whole thing unsustainable if done that way. I hope you guys can find a way to bridge the distance better. And yes, she needs to make up to you if anything and have a nice long distance date. I would simply tell her she owes you a birthday date.
     
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