She confuses me when it comes to sex

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by wflyin, Feb 9, 2017.

  1. wflyin

    wflyin Member

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    I've known this woman for awhile now. We've had what she calls sex, three times. She doesn't french kiss, she doesn't "scissor" or grind of any kind against my body and she does not reciprocate anything. In other words, she doesn't touch me at all. It seems she just wants me to give her oral pleasure and that's it. I'm starting to think that she's not really a lesbian. Or is she just a total prude in bed? We are both in our forties. I feel like I'm being used just to pleasure her. It feels like there is no intimacy, just what she wants me to do to her. I'm a passionate person who enjoys kissing and everything that goes with actual sex. I've never been with a girl who doesn't seem to enjoy what i consider sex. I know people have certain hang ups but man. It's a laundry list. Any thoughts? Ideas? Or should I just stop seeing her?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Bottom line - sex needs to be pleasurable for both people involved. If it is not, then two people aren't compatible and shouldn't be having sex with one another. If you put it out there that you want more from sex - kissing, grinding, reciprocation and she won't do it - then there is your answer, you should stop banging her.

    As for analyzing her. Maybe she is deeply closeted. Maybe she has a lot of hang ups. Maybe she is just a really weird person. Maybe she is super selfish. Who knows? But it doesn't really matter, because all of those things are her issues and not yours. It doesn't really matter if she won't touch you because she is deeply closeted, or because she has a ton of hang ups - the end result is you are in a sexual relationship that is one sided. Whatever her issues are, they are probably deep rooted, not something that a few good talks with you will get her over. She is likely to continue not wanting to kiss / grind / etc... you.

    She may not be intentionally using you, but yes, she is using you. Yes, this is an unhealthy, one sided sexual relationship. If she is unwilling to change, you should quit seeing her. You are (by your own description) passionate and (by my description) funny and cute. You can do better than this lady. Move on.
     
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  3. wflyin

    wflyin Member

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    Thank you for replying! Sometimes you just need someone else's point of view and a nice slap against the side of the head! :)
     
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  4. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

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    You actually sound really clear!

    You want a satisfying sex life, and this woman can't give you that for whatever reasons.

    Don't settle for less than you want and need in a relationship, including the sexual part of it. That will only lead to unhappiness and resentment.
    I'm sure you can find someone who appreciates your passion, intimacy, and physicality.
    Likewise, maybe, she can find someone who wants sex the way she does? (Hmmm.???:rolleyes:...that will be tougher, but that is her problem to work out, not yours!)

    So, my thoughts? Ideas?
    Leave this Lady! And find yourself one who wants to kiss and touch and Grind!!! And everything else!!! ;)
    Shouldn't be too hard to discover, but have Fun in your search!!! :)
     
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  5. wflyin

    wflyin Member

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    She actually just told me that she doesn't want to date me so it all worked out for the best. I knew that it wouldn't be a real relationship but it's hard to find people to date around my town so I just enjoyed the company mostly. I will miss having someone to go to dinner and a movie with but, it is what it is. Back to Netflix and dinner with my cat. :cool:
     
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  6. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    Well, better single than being stuck in something that obviously didn't work for you.
     
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