Sexually attracted to bicurious friend

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by GreenBeen, Mar 4, 2015.

  1. GreenBeen

    GreenBeen Well-Known Member

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    hey everyone,

    So I have this friend whom I have known for years. I have never been attracted to her or thought of her in a sexual way until recently. We are both in our 20s. She has kissed a girl in the past, and has told me more than once, how she wouldn't mind dating a girl. we talk a lot about sex, she's even shown me naked pictures of her and we spend a lot of time together alone. I never tried to hit on or anything, but recently I have found myself wanting to hook up with her. But I don't know how I should bring it up with her. She seems very curious. How should I go about asking her, or so?

    To be clear I don't want to date her, but rather have fun with her.

    Thanks!
     
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  2. Izzy Girl

    Izzy Girl Member

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    Hey,

    I'm a newbie here, but maybe I can provide a suggestion.

    Crossing the friend line even for something casual can become complicated. I guess if you are both on the same page and no one gets their lines crossed, you both can have some fun. Do you guys flirt with each other? Since you guys talk about sex, maybe that can be your 'in', if you will. Talk about it and make it personal, let her know you mean her when you talk about sex. Be playful but with enough intensity to let her know that you're serious about getting with her. Based on how she responds you'd know how to proceed.

    You'll be crossing a threshold, so sometimes there's no coming back if you cross a specific line. Hope that whatever you guys do, you both enjoy it and are better for it.

    Hope I've helped, even if a little.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    How much do you value your friendship? Because if you do, then I wouldn't go there. Wrecking a friendship because you develop feelings is one thing....wrecking a friendship because you want a f*ck buddy is entirely different.

    The point is that crossing the line from friendship into whatever else you want could have really awful ramifications. Crossing the line because you want a relationship is hard...crossing the line because you want sex and no relationship, probably harder. You can't take back things and you cannot undo what has been done. Of course, if you both are consenting and able to have no strings attached fun...without torching the friendship..go for it. But, honestly having been there (and I have been there), it's really hard to have no strings attached kind of fun that stays completely platonic. In my experience, people tend to want to develop feelings (I've made this mistake...thought I was having fun when feelings developed on her part)... or attribute more to the fun than what it really means, i.e. more than friends with benefits. This is also someone who's been your friend for years....so I don't buy that you could keep any kind of feelings out of the equation.

    Keep the friendship...go have fun with someone else. Then it's win-win for you.
     
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  4. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Spygirl. And also with the nude photos she's showing you, she's kind of been trying to entice you. I mean, who shows their friends nude photos of theirs unless it's art. I would say go for it if you're really interested in her and want to develop a relationship with her.
     
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  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    There are nude photos that aren't art? :eek:
     
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  6. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    Haha literally burst out laughing when I read this!
     
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  7. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Haha you know what I mean... tasteful vs more in your face. I think nude art is really subjective. I saw this art gallery exhibition once and they assigned me to the R-rated photos. They were um.... really gross. The weird thing is that the girl I was volunteering with said she was falling in love with the guy cos he's so charming and he invited her to travel with him to Europe even though she barely knew him... I just commented that there's only one way that kind of trip is leading but she denied that would happen and it was 'strictly professional'. Yeah right... lol
     
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  8. GreenBeen

    GreenBeen Well-Known Member

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    Hi girls, thank you all for your advice.

    Update: so one night, we were hanging out real late and we were talking about sex. I casually just said: "if ever you want to try it, and want to have fun, we can have fun if you want". She then said that she is straight, and sees me as a friend. I then said that I also see her as a friend, but that if she simply wanted to have fun, the door is open. She said okay, as in agreeing but that she wouldn't want things between us to become weird or anything. I simply didn't push it or continue talking about it so I changed subjects.

    We didn't bring it up again, but we have became more physical with each other than before. Such as: pretending we were a couple when a bunch of guys were hitting on us, holding hands, playing with each other's hair. Other times, dancing while holding hands, talking about our bras, she would tease me as I looked at hers, implying that she knows I like her breast. And most recently, when hanging out at each other's apartments for hours, and sitting really close next to each other on the sofa where our legs are touching the entire time. It almost does feel like we are a couple, but without kissing and sex. I don't want to bring anything up about sex to make it awkward, so I'm going with the flow. I can't help but feel turned on whenever we are together, all this sexual tension and talk about sex.
     
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  9. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Love the threshold analogy. it is looking more like a jump rope now, a bit of jumping in and out. Don't let it trip you though. People who are your friends, good people with no ill intentions at all can lay very big emotional minefieds. Once she verbalized that she is straight and not interested, then no amount of teasing, sex talk, nuzzling, birthday suit photos or art mean ANYTHING unless she verbalizes otherwise.
     
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  10. Izzy Girl

    Izzy Girl Member

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    So GreenBeen, you got to the edge of the precipice, flirted with jumping, a sign at the edge said 'do not jump', now move away from the edge. As I said before, if you cross a line sometimes there is no going back. I'm all for living, having fun, learning and growing, so go with her words here. She's not interested. Don't jump off the precipice, even though the precipice seems is beckoning you. And if the temptation is too great, just move away from the edge. Seems to me the lady loves the thrill of being wanted and loves to tease, nothing wrong with that as long as you know that's what it is. Also, don't help yourself to get played and then destroy something meaningful and important to you....so leave it alone.
     
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